


i love you (even if you drive me crazy)

by hey_mickey



Series: Mickey's Umbrellas [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Claustrophobia, Concussions, Dysfunctional Family, Electrocution, Family Bonding, Family Fluff, Five doesn't understand how to be a person, Fuck Leonard Peabody, Gen, I Heard A Rumor There's No Incest, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Lesbian Vanya Hargreeves, Marriage, Mild Language, No Luther hate, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Weddings, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-06-26 12:34:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 48,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19768294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hey_mickey/pseuds/hey_mickey
Summary: Three weeks before her wedding and Allison is stressed. Very stressed. So stressed in fact, that she accidentally sends a pile of invites she never meant to send in the first place.With two weeks left till her wedding, her siblings show up to offer their help.Allison feels like the world is crumbling around her.The random shootouts happening around town can’t be a coincidence? Can they?





	1. Seeing Each Other at Weddings (and Funerals)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My sister’s getting married.”
> 
> “Which one?”
> 
> “The famous one, Allison.”
> 
> “Well, tell her when you see her that her last movie was shit.”
> 
> Diego barked out a laugh, “Will do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi... So I hit a roadblock with my other fic so I'm writing this one. 
> 
> I've never written for any of these characters before but I've been planning this story for months, so I'm excited to actually write it.
> 
> In this timeline, Diego is still part of the Police force and dating Patch. Luther didn't go to the moon (so I don't have to write him complaining about it)
> 
> Also I love all the Hargreeves, so no Luther hate here.!

Allison liked to regard herself as cool under pressure. From her superhero childhood all the way to her star-studded dream job, she had been carefully trained to always remain calm. After all if she panicked, she would say the wrong thing, and change things in ways that she didn’t mean. She had learned things under her father that she would reluctantly apply to her everyday life, manipulating situations to be in her favor, because that’s the way to best apply her powers.

None of that could prepare her for the stubborn willpower of a florist.

“I asked for these flowers weeks ago!”

“Well, ma’m, you aren’t written down in our files so either you didn’t confirm your order or you never ordered in the first place!”

Allison gritted her teeth and snarled back, “Well I never got a confirmation letter so I couldn’t confirm anything!”

“Then you didn’t leave an address with us.”

Allison wished she still smoked.

“I did leave an address with you!”

“Well, I’m sorry ma’m, but there isn’t an order written in our files matching anything you called about. No address, no name and no order, I’m truly sorry ma’m.”

Allison could feel the words rumbling up her throat and before she could stop herself

“I heard a rumor…”

The line went dead. Allison’s voice died as well, as she turned to see her fiance standing behind her, a phone cord in his hand. His face was sad, eyes filled with disappointment. 

“We’ve talked about this Alli,” He dropped the cord on the floor and moved towards her, wrapping his hands around her waist and swaying her back and forth. She pushed her face into his shoulder, reassuring herself that he was there.

“I know,” mumbled Allison into Patrick’s shoulder, “I know it’s wrong. I know. I know.”

Patrick huffed and rubbed circles into Allison’s back when her breath stuttered, “You’ve been doing better Alli. Really, you have. But maybe the stress is getting to you. Why don’t you go hang out with Audrey and Samantha today, and I’ll try to deal with the florist, Ok?”

Allison pulled away and looked him in the eyes, grasping onto his sleeve like a child. She swallowed back the lump in her throat at the mention of her friends, but slowly nodded. Patrick smiled at her and she wondered if it’s real or just another rumor.

_ I heard a rumor that you wanted to marry me…. _

* * *

Allison leaned into the massaging chair that slowly rolled out the knots in her back, better than any reassuring pats from Patrick. It grounded her as she closed her eyes in contentment listening to her friends’ mindless chatter. The lovely young woman named Mina, who was painting her toes, paused in her work to chime in and quickly resumed.

“So, Allison,” She opened her eyes reluctantly and focused on Samantha, who leaned towards her, “How’s the wedding planning going?”

Allison simply groaned in response as the two girls laughed at her.

“It’s so much to worry about.” Samantha commented to Audrey’s barely hid amusement, “The movies make it seem so easy, don’t they?”

Allison hummed in response, her eyes drifting back to the pale ceiling in front of her.

Samantha Rankin. Daughter of world-famous director Clarence Rankin. They’d gotten Allison her first major role by promoting her to others in the industry.

_ I heard a rumor that we’ve been best friends since middle school…. _

Audrey Cooke. Her agent. Smart and effective and knew how to control the media. Found her gigs that were suited to her talents.

_ I heard a rumor that you’ve always wanted me as one of your clients…. _

The ceiling lights flared and Allison could feel a headache growing behind her eyes. She rubbed her temples with a sigh. Both of her friends stopped talking quickly and Audrey asked the question Allison was dreading, “Are you okay?”

“Sure” She scoffed, the pounding behind her head increasing in intensity. 

Audrey and Samantha looked at each other in concern. Audrey, ever the responsible adult, stood up, “Allison, you need a break. You should ask someone to work on all the wedding stuff for you. Have you asked Patrick?”

“He’s the reason I’m here,” Allison informed them, sitting up to look at them. Mina jumped back to readjust her painting job on Allison’s toes. 

“I have so much to do. I’m just so,” She licked her lips and set her head into her hands, “out of my element. I don’t know how I’m going to do it all, even with Patrick there.”

Samantha smiled softly, but Allison found her anything but reassuring, “We could always help you!”

“No thanks,” Allison put on her fakest smile, “I don’t want to stress you out with my bullshit.”

Audrey rolled her eyes and glanced at Samantha, “You’re too independent, Allison! You don’t need to do everything yourself. God, you’re so stubborn.”

Allison huffed through her nose and looked at the ceiling again, “Must be a family thing.”

“OH! I was going to ask!” Samantha’s voice rose as she grew more excited, “You have a really big family, don’t you? It’s sad that I’ve known you for so long and I’ve never met them. Are they coming to the wedding? I’d love to meet them.”

“Yea, I do…” Allison’s voice was distant, “Three brothers and a sister.”

Samantha nodded, eagrily, “Are they coming?”

“I haven’t invited them.”

Audrey bit her lip and made an aborted motion towards Samantha to  _ cut it out.  _ Allison’s agent knew her family was a sore subject, having spent weeks with Allison doing damage control after Extra:Ordinary had come out. Audrey had learned a lot that Allison had never wanted anyone to know that month and avoided her like the plague, muttering about rumors.

_ I heard a rumor that you had never read my sister’s book…. _

_ I heard a rumor that you’ll believe anything I say... _

_ I heard a rumor that you don’t know anything about my family… _

Allison was starting to hate that word. Rumor. Rumor. Rumor. As the nail spa fell into silence again, she couldn’t help wondering if she’d ever liked it in the first place.

* * *

Allison stared in a haze at the list of things to do in front of her. Piles and piles of things to do, God  _ she hasn’t even picked out a dress yet..  _ She rubbed her forehead and looked at the massive stack of paperwork that sat and mocked her. Times like these she wished she had a normal family, that would sit down with her and talk out their issues and help her write  _ these stupid invitations.  _

She read through the list of names barely even noticing the difference between the Kylies and the Kaylees until she reached a handwritten group of names below the others, written lovingly in her own hand.

Diego Hargreeves. Luther Hargreeves. Klaus Hargreeves. Vanya Hargreeves. 

Her family. 

She grabbed a pen and scribbled their names out, not stopping until she could no longer see the words on the page.

She fell asleep on a pile of papers, ink pressing against her cheek.

* * *

This was the third time this week, he noted to himself, mind dizzy from the pain. His shoulder throbbed where he had smacked it against the frame of the door, which had once been so wide. It was too small now. Not for the first time, he wondered if he could ask his father to widen the door frames for his now larger body.

Luther slowly made his way down to the kitchen, where he could see Mom cooking eggs for him. He headed towards her, ducking under the frame that he had learned the hard way was lower than it looked and slid into the chair he had always sat at.

“Good morning, Luther!” Mom chirped at him and he couldn’t help the smile on his face, “Good morning Mom.”

She spun around the table and carefully set a plate of eggs shaped like a smiley face in front of him, “Eat up! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!”

He debated on whether to tell her that due to his transformation, he’d need a lot more food than just two eggs. But as he looked at her face, he realized he couldn’t.

Mom bustled around the kitchen as he ate, carefully cleaning up. Occasionally, she’d turn around, asking him questions like, “How are you enjoying your food?” and “Are you feeling ok?”

He mutely nodded to all of these questions, drowning out her cheerful chatter until she mentioned something that made him do a double-take.

“And your father will be absent for about two weeks, so I hope you can help me with the chores while he’s gone!”

He jerked up, “Dad’s gone?” 

“Yes, he left this morning on an important business trip,” Mom swayed back and forth happily, “He said to make sure that you were ok.”

A small burst of joy erupted in Luther’s chest at her words.

“Tell Dad I said thanks,” He murmured.

Mom beamed at him as he stood up, smacking his head into a light fixture that he had forgotten about.

“Ow.”

Mom gave him a concerned look, her always present smile never fading, “Are you ok?”

Brushing the small amount of dust that had fell onto his shoulders during the impact, Luther mumbled a yes. Mom took it well enough and turned away from him, continuing her cleaning job.

“Oh,” She remarked as an after-thought, stopping him in his tracks. She waited for him to turn around in the small space, which took longer than he would have liked, and then continued, “A letter arrived for you last night.”

“A letter?” No one ever wrote him anything, after all he was the only one left.

Mom reached into one of the many pockets on her dress and pulls out a white and gold envelope. He took it from her more gently than he’d ever taken anything before. He read the name on the sender and almost collapsed on the spot.

“Mom.”

“Yes, sweetheart ?”

“I need a suit.”

* * *

“DIEGO!”

Diego winced as Al’s voice screamed at him through the door that Diego had told him specifically  **not** to enter. He carefully pulled the thick bandage he had wrapped around his latest cut off and pulled himself off of his bed to greet an enraged Al at the door.

“What did I tell you,” Al shouted at him as soon as he opened his door, “About using this place as your mailing address? I might let you live in my goddamn basement, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do something about that! Just buy a fucking mailbox at the post office or something!”

Diego squinted at Al, who was waving a piece of mail in his face. If he was honest, he could barely register what exactly Al was yelling at him for. Probably the blood loss. He should call Eudora.

“And I don’t even care if the next letter is to some rich person party, I swear to God I’ll burn the next one that shows up here.”

“Rich person party?” asked Diego, finally catching up to the rant Al was going on.

Al scoffed, “Yea, this is some invitation to some party.” He handed Diego a gold and white envelope.

Diego opened it with skepticism, but quickly stared at it harder and harder, till it looked like he was trying to burn holes into the paper with his eyeballs.

“Hargreeves!” 

Diego jerked his head up to meet Al’s slightly concerned eyes. Al’s mouth twitched, “Are you ok?”

Feeling numb, Diego nodded mutely and finally wrenched his jaw open to answer, “My sister’s getting married.”

“Which one?”

“The famous one, Allison.”

“Well, tell her when you see her that her last movie was shit.”

Diego barked out a laugh, “Will do.”

* * *

Waking up with a debilitating headache was so common for Klaus at this point, that he didn’t even know why he complained about it anymore. What wasn’t common was the feeling of a bed beneath him.

“Huh.”

“You’re in rehab, remember?” snarked Ben, perched on a nearby table, “You’ve been clean for fifteen days. What an accomplishment.”

The way he phrased his words made it seem way more sarcastic than encouraging so Klaus gave him a proper brotherly middle finger, Ben rolled his eyes and pretended not to see it. One of the guys at a nearby bed, shifted in his sleep and Klaus glanced at him before wiggling his eyebrows at Ben, who just let out a long suffering sigh.

About ten minutes later, Klaus waltzed into the cafeteria about twenty dollars (in cash) richer. Ben eyed other inmates as Klaus flounced over to the frozen waffles. 

“I hope no one saw you rob that man blind,” Ben said as Klaus popped a waffle in the toaster, “It would be bad for you to get into a fight.”

Klaus chuckled, “Who knows, maybe all that Academy training will pay off?”

“It hasn’t before,” Ben replied dryly as Klaus shrugged his shoulders and adjusted the neon green leather jacket he was wearing. He’d pawned it off of the floor in some club downtown and wore it all the time now. He especially adored the way Ben’s face twisted every time he saw the words, “I Am The Bitch,” in pink glitter on the back.

Club clothes made life more fun that way. 

Ben glanced around the room, “I’m serious, Klaus!” 

“Uh huh,” Frozen waffles pieces dropped out of Klaus’ mouth, “You always are, Maybe that’s why Five liked you. You both had sticks up your asses.”

Ben swatted at him, but it just sank through Klaus’ neon jacket. He sighed, “Don’t tell me you’re not nervous.”

“I’m not,” Klaus wondered how many waffles he could stuff into his mouth at a time. It was rare that he had free access to so many frozen waffles. He decided to test his theory.

Ben continued sizing up the other inmates, scanning the area. He turned back to Klaus, only to sigh in disappointment.

“Why.”

Klaus had about six waffles (still frozen) in his mouth and was attempting a seventh as Ben shrieked at him to  _ get those out of his mouth, oh my god, Klaus, WHY ARE THEY STILL FROZEN? _

Klaus cackled like a maniac and danced around Ben’s ghostly slaps when a voice called his name, “Klaus Hargreeves! I have a letter here for Klaus Hargreeves!”

Klaus and Ben met eyes in confusion. The woman at the front desk stood in the doorway, waving a white and gold envelope at him. He quickly snatched it up and tore it open like a starving animal.

Ben read it aloud over his shoulder, “You are cordially invited to the wedding of Allison Hargreeves and Patrick Hendrickson.”

Klaus looked into Ben’s dead eyes and grinned, “You know what this means, Ben?”

“What.”

“I need a new outfit.”

* * *

Stumbling back home from practice, Vanya took the time out of her route home to avoid the little pawnshop where she could still see her book sitting. It’s one of the biggest regrets of her life, yet she’d loved doing it. She’d tore into her family with the vengeance she’d thought about for years, exposing every dirty secret, every lie, every scar, but she remembered the look on Diego’s face when she’d seen him across the street four days after the book had come out.

The face of absolute betrayal and hurt and anger. And she regretted it.

She’d watched Allison’s interviews where she’d had to deflect a thousand comments about her treatment of her siblings, the little petty lies that she’d said to keep Vanya away, stupid childish arguments that’d turned deadly because Allison had phrased something wrong, her realtionship with Luther, Allison. Cold. Allison. Petty. Allison. Arrogant. Allison. Spoiled.

She wondered what Five or Ben would say about it. She wondered what Luther’s reaction was, holed up and manipulated by her father. A reflection, she’d called him in her book. He was basically her father’s image. She wondered if Klaus was even aware she’d written a book, too high to function. She only knew he was still alive because she sometimes paid for rehab for him, listed as one of his emergency contacts. She imagined him taking her off that list and then overdosing in an alley, unable to control his addiction. She sobbed into her pillow while imagining that. She’d already lost two siblings, she couldn’t lose another. 

She’d realize in the morning that by writing that book, she’d lost them all.

She was doing great though.

The rain poured down as Vanya shuffled towards her apartment, her apartment that she’d bought with the royalty money she’d earned from righteous vengeance and eventually, regret. It was a quiet place, that Vanya enjoyed, allowing her music to fill the void of silence around her. The violin was always mournful, always regretful, just like her, Vanya noted.

Five would’ve said she was being stupid. 

She missed him. 

Actually, she missed them all.

It was when she was putting her violin into its case when she noticed there was a small envelope in her mailbox. Curiously, she walked over there and picked it up. When she read the sender, her heart stopped.

Allison.

* * *

She stepped out of the small town cab she had driven here in and stared up at the massive white building that her sister apparently lived in. Swallowing her nerves she began the long climb up the stairs to see her siblings again. Vanya stopped her ascent when someone called her name. She spun on her heel to spot a familiar looking man, waving at her.

“Klaus?”

“The one and only,” He drawled, chasing her up the street until he was right in front of her. Vanya dragged her eyes down his body, taking note on the appearance of her brother. She swallowed realizing he somehow looked worse. Her voice wouldn’t work as she opened her mouth to ask if he was ok, did he need a room or a place to stay, but he interrupted her before she could.

“No hard feelings about that book, eh?” He told her, grabbing her arms with a smile, “I thought it was entertaining! Ben was a bit iffy on it though, but I told him that he can  _ lutsch meinen arsch.” _

She managed to force out a chuckle, staring into her brother’s hazy druggy gaze. He definitely wasn’t sober. “Thanks,” she whispered, pulling herself away from him.

Klaus gave her an easy grin and sashayed up the next few steps, “Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I waxed my ass with chocolate?”

By the time they got to Allison’s front door, Vanya knew more about chocolate-ass-waxing then she had ever wanted to learn, ever. She breathed a sigh of relief when the door opened quickly, an unfamiliar man standing in the doorway.

“Hi there!” Klaus said before she could speak at all, “We’re here for Allison Hargreeves.”

The man’s face relaxed a bit, although when Klaus entered the house, he stayed a good few feet away from the junkie at all times.

“I’m Patrick,” He informed them, with a smile, “Allison’s fiance.”

“OH!” Klaus laughed, “You’ve gotten a good one! Allison’s one of the only siblings with a stable job and most of her sanity attached!”

Vanya could tell Patrick wasn’t used to Klaus’ eccentric ways by the way he stared at him. She gave him her most apologetic smile, which he carefully returned. 

“He’s Klaus and I’m Vanya,” she said softly, holding out her hand so Patrick could shake it. He took it with a beam, shaking her hand enthusiastically. 

“Nice to meet you both!” Patrick said, “Allison’s a bit stressed right now, but I’m sure she’ll be fine. You know how it is,” He paused before adding, “The other two are in the living room.”

Klaus whistled low and sharp, “C’mon Van, let’s make sure our hot-head brothers haven’t broken something they can’t afford.”

Vanya’s hands shook, but she forced a nod, following Klaus into the living room.

The first thing she noticed was how quiet it was. The second was Diego’s red-hot glare. She shrunk down, getting closer to Klaus.

Diego sat on a pale couch, his dirty shoes smudging the fabric. He looked good, all things considered, but he was dressed in the most ridiculous outfit she had ever seen. He was in an all-black turtleneck and adorned with knives of every size and shape. There were new and old scars and cuts across his face and his knuckles were bruised and swollen. He glowered at everyone, including Luther, who sat on a matching couch at the opposite side of the room.

Diego’s style was predictable, but Luther’s made her blink hard. He had shot up to be several feet taller than she remembered him, and he had filled out. He was…. big, she decided that was the right word for it, bigger than anything or anyone she had ever seen in her life. He wore a thick jacket, gloves and turtleneck, covering nearly every inch of his body, like he was hiding from something. 

The last person in the room was Allison herself, leaned against a small counter with a glass of whiskey next to her. The bags under her eyes were thick, but she looked the most healthy of all of them despite that. Her hair had been bleached at the end, which was a good look for her, and Vanya could see the glimmering engagement ring on her finger as she drummed against her lap.

Klaus broke the incredibly awkward silence with a loud, “Luther! Are you on steroids or something? Cause you got BIG!”

He waves his arms wide, showing off two tattoos Vanya hadn’t noticed, A Hello and Goodbye written on his palms, like a human ouija board, which made sense. Luther’s face twisted into something like fondness mixed with disgust.

“I grew up,” He mumbled as Diego snorted, “Sure did.”

Luther’s head snapped towards Diego, who casually cleaned his fingernails with a knife, “You really did get big, Luther.”

“Yea, I know.” 

The room fell into another uncomfortable silence, the only sound being Allison scribbling on her paper and Klaus laughing at thin air. Vanya’s eyes trailed the room and saw Patrick, very subtly leaving.

The second he was gone, Allison slammed her pen down. “Look,” she said, very matter of factly, “While you all are here, I’m laying down ground rules.”

“No physical fighting in my house. No drugs,” with that she gives a pointed look at Klaus, who shrugs, “No knives.” 

Diego scowls.

“And no doing anything stupid.”

“Your expectations for this family are too high,” Klaus told her dryly. Vanya remembered a quote from her book,  _ a family only in name.  _

Allison shot Klaus a look, “Maybe I’m trying to have faith that my siblings won’t fuck up my wedding.”

Diego snorted hard, “With this family? No promises.”

Allison gave him her best death-glare and Diego put his hands up in surrender, “Alright, Alright.”

“Also while you are here, you are going to help me plan our wedding.”

There was a slight mumble of assent at her words. Vanya wondered if this was the first time they had all agreed without a full on war breaking out.

Allison’s hard gaze softened, just a little, “Good.”

* * *

When the door to his small woodshop let out a little chime, Leonard didn’t think much of it. He was a bit preoccupied carving his perfect revenge into a woodblock. So, when a small cough alerted him to the presence of a customer, he jolted awake.

“Sorry, sorry!” He waved his hands apologetically in front of his face, “I didn’t notice you were…”

He trailed off, meeting the wide eyes of the customer in front of him. Leonard’s fake smile grew the tiniest bit more real. 

The customer was a young boy, with blood dripping from his nose and trash tangled into his hair. He was practically swimming in a large gray suit and his face was gaunt with dark circles under his eyes. 

“How can I help you?” Leonard asked him and the boy scoffed as a response, “What’s the date?”

Leonard raised an eyebrow, “The date?”

He got a nod in response, so Leonard turned to the kitten calendar behind the counter, “It’s March 19th.”

The boy made a ‘go on’ gesture and Leonard’s voice raised, “2011?”

“Good.”

Leonard blinked and when he opened his eyes again, the boy is rushing out the door. He turned back to the little statue of a violinist he was carving and smiled to himself.

“Welcome home, little Number Five,” He sang to no one in particular, “Welcome home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just remembered that Allison lives in LA and is far away from wherever the Academy is. But for the sake of this story, they're in the same city


	2. Run(Away) Boy, Run(Away)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ew, gross.” 
> 
> “Shut up.”
> 
> “Look at what this guy’s wearing, what the hell is he thinking?”
> 
> “Klaus, that’s a dead body.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea, I know, I'm a mess. But, I'm just super excited to write this and HH.
> 
> If you hadn't noticed the chapter title are weird spins on the actual episode names. 
> 
> I can't write Luther or Allison to save my life and it shows

Although smashing face-first into a wall wasn’t exactly part of his plan, Five was on top of the world. He was back. And he had almost eight years to figure out what happened that caused the apocalypse. Even if his calculations had been wrong, (Delores was right as usual) he had still given himself a large amount of time to work with. He rushed down the streets, pushing past people,  _ holy shit people,  _ and headed back to the familiar (and not burned) gates of the Umbrella Academy.

He bounced up the steps to the large wooden door and briefly considered just teleporting inside, but decided he’d rather just wait, nervous about startling anyone inside. He had been gone for years after all. The door swung open and he met the eyes of his mother, who looked exactly the same as she had almost a decade ago. 

“Hello Five!” She said, her smile wider than normal, “You’re late for breakfast.”

Five could feel a smirk growing on his face, “I am,” He peered past her, “Is anyone else home?”

“Oh! Luther left about an hour ago for a wedding.” Mom moved to the side to let him inside the mansion. He accepted the gesture and let her lead him to the kitchen.

“Wedding?”

Mom clapped as she began to make food for him, “Yes! Your sister, Allison is getting married! It’s really exciting,” Her face fell, “Oh… You weren’t invited..”

Five couldn’t help but feel slightly hurt by that, but he pushed down his feelings and sighed, “Well, I’m pretty sure they all think I’m dead at this point so I’m not surprised.”

Mom stirred something Five couldn’t recognize in a pot, “You should tell them that you're here! I know Vanya missed you. Did you know that she used to leave sandwiches for you? Pogo used to step in them all the time.”

Five swallowed down the lump in his throat, “Yea, I know about that,” his fingers brushed past the pocket where Vanya’s tattered book was stored. It was at this moment that Five realized something was wrong.

_ Why is my suit so big on me?  _

In his rush to get back to the home he’d longed to see for forty-five years, Five hadn’t even taken the time to make sure he’d gotten back in one piece. 

“Shit.”

“Language,” chided Mom.

* * *

Klaus wandered down the halls of Allison’s very nice house, Ben trailing behind him.

“You should probably go do what Allison asked you to,” Ben admonished him when Klaus grabbed onto a curtain to stroke it. 

“She asked me to do something?” asked Klaus, rubbing his face in Allison’s curtains.

“Yea. She did.”

“What was it again?”

“The dress, Klaus.”

“She wants me to try on her dress?”

“No, she wants you to find a place where she can get one.”

Klaus stopped in his tracks and stared, “She doesn’t have a dress yet?”

“You asked her this earlier and she said she was too busy to find one.”

Klaus blew a huff of air and separated himself from the curtains. “That’s bullshit. She needs a perfect dress for her big day!”

He claps his hands together with glee, while Ben sighs. “What if we found her the perfect dress?”

“We can’t even afford a box of toilet paper right now,” Ben’s voice drops angrily.

“Na huh,” Klaus waved the twenty dollars he stole from the guy at rehab in front of Ben’s face, watching his brother’s face twist in disappointment, a sadly familiar sight “Congrats you have twenty dollars. Now we can afford…,” He stopped to think, “Three boxes of toilet paper.”

Klaus opened his mouth to retort but he spots a blur of black and silver move past the doorway on the other side of the hallway, obviously trying to not be noticed.

“Diego!” he called, ignoring his brother’s cringe, “I need a ride!”

Diego turned on his heel to face Klaus, his scowl even deeper than normal. Klaus’ shit-eating grin widened.

“No.”

Klaus gasped dramatically, “Why would my own brother deny me the privilege of riding in his car! The audacity!”

Diego bit his lip in indecision and Klaus took that as his opportunity, “Great I’ll get my things.”

* * *

Luther watched Allison mumble to herself as she scribbled on a sheet of paper. It felt familiar. Ever since they were kids, Luther had watched her, watched her pull herself away from her family, watched her movies, hidden in his room from Dad’s prying eyes. He never understood Dad’s hate of Allison’s movies, but he had made sure to go out of his way to support her, even if she had never wanted to see him again.

_ I heard a rumor that you let me go… _

And he had. In more ways than one. 

"What am I helping with?” He asked her. She turned around with a small smile.

“Anything that I need right now,” She sighed and gestured towards the paper in front of her, “As of now, it’s this seating chart.”

He leaned over to glance at it and almost balked at the large amount of names, “How many people are coming?”

“Well,” Allison puffed her lips, “My agent informed me that I should really only invite people that have good connections, but I disagreed.”

She seemed to think about what she’s going to say, her eyes darting around. This isn’t the Allison he’s used to. The one who’d rumor people without a second thought, because that’s what she was trained to do.

“I almost didn’t invite you all,” she said, her voice quiet, “In the end, it was Patrick who told me that I should.”

She blinked and it takes a second to realize that she’s on the brink of tears, “He has a great family. He really does. And watching them arrive..” She broke off.

“It made me realize how messed up we are.”

Luther’s mind went blank at her statement, but she pressed on, “They’re talking to each other, and laughing and.. They’re just close. I want us to have that, a real family.”

She paused and added, “No rumors involved.”

With a shaky exhale, she looked up at Luther’s impassive face. 

“Hey, are you ok?”

He looked down at his arms, his arms that were no longer his. He swallowed down the anger he’d felt since that horrible mission, since he’d gotten messed up, since he realized that he was the only person left in the house.

“Yea, I think so.”

Allison’s face twisted at that but she seemed to understand, “Sorry I unloaded all of that on you. I’ve just been thinking a lot about families, I guess. The fame puts some perspective on who you should keep close.”

Her face broke into a small smile, “That’s why I’m happy you all are here.”

He smiled back, but it felt wrong, “I’m happy to be here.”

Allison turned back to the seating chart with more enthusiasm, but Luther felt anything but content.

* * *

Vanya watched her siblings split into two groups and leave. Allison and Luther. Typical. Klaus and Diego. Not usual but understandable. 

Vanya was alone again. 

She shouldered her bag and turned to leave, to look for the one thing Allison had asked of her. A florist shouldn’t be too hard to make a deal with? Should it? 

She headed towards the door, when a voice shouted from behind her, “Vanya!”

Startled she turned around to see Patrick walking over to her, holding a piece of paper. She stopped to wait for him to catch up with her. 

“Here,” He handed her the paper, “I found a list of all the florists in the city, since you’ll be doing this alone,” He points to the one scribbled out, “This is the one we tried to book, but our order didn’t go through. Maybe try this one instead?” He gestures to another one, “I don’t know much about flowers to be honest.”

Vanya can’t help the small smile on her face, “Me neither.”

He nodded quickly and spun around, heading back to the doorway. Vanya kept her eyes on him as he disappeared, then turned towards the city determined to find a florist. 

At least for her sister’s sake.

* * *

“An entire square block, forty-two bedrooms, nine bathrooms, and yet, there is not a single drop of caffeine in this house.” Five spat, not even bothering to close the fridge door. He paced back and forth, ignoring the scratchiness of his outfit. Figures the only clothes that could fit him were his old uniform.

Curse his thirteen year old body.

Mom laughed from where she was cleaning up the pantry that he had utterly ransacked in his search for a cup of joe, “Your father hates coffee, sweetheart.”

She paused in her cleaning to glance at him, “Did you forget that? You’ve been gone for so long..”

“No, I didn’t,” Five grumbled, unwilling to admit that the last thing he cared about remembering for forty-five years was his father’s drink preference.

He could still remember his sibling’s doughnut orders, though.

The Handler was right, he’s too sentimental.

“I’m taking the car,” He told Mom, who raised her eyebrow at him, “You’re too young to drive.”

“I’m not young, I’m in my fifties.”

“Of course you are.”

He searched her face for some sort of sarcasm or a joke, but her face remained deadpan, stuck in a grin. He knew he shouldn’t be bothered by it, but he is, turning away from her face. So,he’s taken utterly by surprise when she reached out to place a hand on his shoulder. All his instincts screamed at him and in a flash, he’s away from her, shaking.

Mom gave him the saddest look he’d ever seen from her, “Are you ok, sweetheart?”

_ No,  _ he thought, but he simply shrugged. 

“Well, alright, If you say so,” Mom recited, turning back to the pantry mess, “But I do think you should go to your siblings. They’ve missed you.”

_ He’s back in the world he never wanted to be in the first place. Smoke, dust and ash cover everything, fires blaze and rubble seems to stretch on forever. If he reaches out, he can feel the ash on his fingertips. The smell of burning meat and decay make him choke on every inhale, and rush every exhale, desperate to get the taste away from him. _

_ He can see their bodies when he closes his eyes, the image burned into his skull. A reminder, he thinks, of what will happen if he can’t stop this.  _

_ It’s irrational, he knows it, but he balks at the thought of seeing his siblings. Together. Just like the circle of bodies…. _

“Maybe later,” He said, instead, “After coffee,”

With that, he left for Griddy’s, determined to get his hands on caffeine. Then he could get to work.

* * *

Following Klaus down the street was a trip all in itself, Diego decided, watching Klaus stumble around, pointing out places he’d been and things he’d done around town.

“And here’s where I met this guy who made this fantastic osso buco, I ended up staying with him for about three whole days.”

Diego sighed to himself as Klaus continued on his rant about the delicacy of osso buco. God, he wished he didn’t have to deal with this right now. But a slight part of him fluttered at spending time with Klaus, they were family after all, even if estranged.

Klaus stopped at a small thrift store and waved at Diego, who had been trailing behind him. 

“Hey Diego! Look at these!”

Diego moved to stand next to his brother and followed his pointed finger down to a pair of . shoes sitting in the window. Klaus’ face glowed with joy and Diego let out a huff, “What are these for?”

“Allison!” Klaus told him, his voice letting Diego know that he thought it was obvious, “She asked me to find her a place for a dress, but I’m thinking these shoes are perfect!”

“So she doesn’t have a dress and you are already picking out shoes for her? Isn’t there like, a rule about that? Matching colors or something?”

“Well, then those rules can suck my ass because these are perfect!”

Diego considered that, glancing at the shoes. They were pretty nice ones, glittering with gold lace and red jewels. Allison had always looked good in red. She had told him this one time before an interview with a high class magazine. 

“Red is just my color, Diego.”

Klaus quickly ran into the store with a mission and Diego trailed behind him again. It was weird, he decided, being with Klaus, Allison and Luther again (He didn’t want to think about Vanya at all really). They all were so different from the people he remembered but the exact same. Luther was way bigger than he remembered, but still stole glances at Allison, still sat on couches in the same awkward way, still pissed Diego off with his very presence, reminding him that  _ there’s always going to be someone better than you, Number Two. _

Allison had reached out to her family, her hair dyed in a new way and she had shot up a couple of inches, but still acted as though she was better than them, still chewed her lip when she thought hard, still over-worked herself into a frenzy.

Klaus looked worse for wear if he was honest, his eyes bloodshot and there were injection marks on his arms, but he still wore a shit ton of eyeshadow, still talked to no one in particular, still pretended he was okay.

He didn’t even bother to think about Vanya. She still shrunk back when people addressed her, still shuffled her feet when she talked, still muttered when someone louder asked her questions. 

He didn’t bother.

Diego sighed. 

‘HA!” Klaus shouted triumphantly, waving a twenty-dollar bill around like a madman, “I told you it would come in handy!”

Diego’s well-trained eyes couldn’t spot anyone else in the store that Klaus could be talking to, but it was Klaus so he tried not to think about it too hard. Instead he walked over to his brother, who was excitedly paying for the shoes, “What would come in handy?”

Klaus whipped around, grinning so wide that his eyes bulged, “This twenty dollar bill I stole!”

The cashier stopped packaging the shoes to stare at Klaus with a horrified expression. Diego’s instincts told him to cover for his brother so he blurted. “Oh so that’s where my twenty bucks went.”

The cashier visibly relaxed along with Diego, but Klaus stared at him in confusion, “No I stole them from..” He was cut off as Diego kicked him in the shins to get him to shut up.

“OW!” Klaus glared at his brother, who jerked his head in the direction of the cashier. Klaus’s mouth formed an ‘O’.

“Yes, that is what happened,” Klaus awkwardly glanced at the cashier, “I stole twenty dollars from you, My brother, Diego.”

Diego resisted the rising urge to murder Klaus where he stood. His brother turned towards him, and winked in the most exaggerated way possible, swinging his feathery coat dramatically.

Why did he want to come here again?

Klaus skipped all the way to Diego’s police car, the shoes packed into a box. He lazily slumped into the passenger seat with a dramatic sigh.

“Thanks for saving my butt back there,” He said as Diego slid into the driver’s seat, “I didn’t really notice how odd that might have sounded.”

Diego looked Klaus up and down before he asked, “Are you high?”

“Sorta.”

“The hell does that mean?”

“I’m coming off a high,” Klaus informed him, “It’s been..”

He’s interrupted by Diego’s police radio crackling on, “ _ Gunshots reported on the 400 block of Milton Avenue. Griddy’s Doughnuts.” _

Klaus and Diego shared a quick glance and Klaus let out an over dramatic sigh, “Fine let’s go.”

* * *

Allison hadn’t felt this relaxed in a good month or two, she realized as she and Luther sat on the floor, pasting together name tags for her guests. Patrick came in every couple of minutes to take the finished ones to the box they were preparing for all her wedding gear. He had originally suggested that they just hire other people to plan this wedding for her, but she had insisted that she wanted to do it herself, after all when was she ever going to be able to this again?

She hoped she wouldn’t need to. 

Luther was sticking out his tongue as he concentrated on perfectly glueing the names to the tags. There was a gluestick in his hand, hilariously contrasting how big he had gotten in the past six years since she had seen him. She pondered when he had started getting so big, since in some of the TV interviews he had done after she had gone, he had looked a normal size. 

Allison carefully wrote Diego’s name onto a nametag, setting it to side as she was for all the people she really wanted there. She had even saved two seats, one for Five, one for Ben, for sentimental reasons, she told herself.

She didn’t write one for her dad. 

Next to her, Luther exhaled sharply. He must have reached Ben’s name. He looked at her, curiosity on his face, asking with his eyes.

Ben. Five. 

Both of them gone. Killed for her father’s twisted little fantasy of saving the world. She didn’t know what happened to Five, none of them did, but she remembered the mission Ben hadn’t come back from very well.

She had tried to rumor it away, just like so many other things. 

So, she turned to Luther and told him, “I want them there. I want my family there.”

Luther seems to understand and he lifted his hand up to touch her shoulder, “I want them there too.”

Turning back to her work in silence, Allison could feel a small sad smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. They moved together mechanically, Allison writing the names, Luther pasting them on, and Patrick moving them to the car. She didn’t even notice the passing of time until Patrick came into the room, clearing his throat.

“It’s dinnertime,” The silence was broken and Luther jumped up immediately. Allison followed him, her legs creaking and her body stiff. She stumbled as she got up and fell against Patrick,who held her close. 

It felt warmer than normal, Allison noticed, meeting Luther’s eyes over her fiance’s shoulder. He gave her the most awkward thumbs up in the world and she burst into laughter. Patrick laughed with her and swung her around.

Dinner was one of the best she’d had in years, even if Patrick burned the chicken and Luther dumped wine down his shirt.

* * *

Leaving the small florist’s shop with almost reluctance, Vanya stepped back out onto the sidewalk. Huh. It was dark at this point, the night sky fresh and crisp, the stars gleamed. Her world seemed a little brighter. The florist’s name was Gloria and she had been ecstatic that Vanya walked into her store, asking her to make bouquets for Allison Hargreeves’ private wedding. She was pretty with curly dark hair and a smile that lit up the room.

“So,” she had said, her eyes glinting, “Does that mean I get to go to the Allison Hargreeves’ private wedding ceremony?”

“I..I..I guess,” forced out Vanya, dazed by Gloria’s smile, “I’ll ask her.”

“Fantastic!” Gloria clapped her hands in a way that reminded Vanya of Klaus, “Here’s my number, I’ll call you to update you on everything!”

Vanya glanced at the number written on her hand and practically skipped to the bus stop. So happy, in fact, that she bumped into a small man waiting by the stop. 

“Hey,” he complained, evaporating Vanya’s good mood immediately, “Sorry.. Sorry.”

As soon as he spotted her, his glare changed into a more friendly smile, “ No, no it’s ok,” He waved his hands around, “You don’t need to apologize,” Vanya stopped, startled that someone would say that to her.

“Oh, thank you,” She said, bowing her head, “Again, I’m sorry.”

He laughed, making her step back uncomfortably, “I already told you that you don’t need to apologize.”

Vanya nodded and the man smiled at her, his smile wasn’t like Gloria’s, it was cold. 

“I’m Leonard,” he said, holding out his hand to her to shake, “Leonard Peabody,” Vanya quickly shook it, pulling away immediately. Vanya remained stone-silent as he watched her out of the corner of his eye, she twisted her fingers into each other. The bus couldn’t come soon enough and by the time it stopped, Vanya was already halfway through the bus, getting as far away from Leonard as possible.

It didn’t work. Leonard slid into the seat next to her, his eyes trained on her and Vanya swallowed hard. Fumbling through her bag, she pulled out her anxiety pills and snatched one up, avoiding Leonard’s gaze by staring out the window. 

She counted up from one through seven, a small technique to get herself to calm down. 

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five. (Her brain stopped on his name, but she pushed onwards)

Six. (She spent longer on Ben’s number than any other, taking deep breaths before she counted on)

Seven.

Six...

Five. Four. Three. Two.

One. The bus pulled into the stop and she bolted out of the car, running until she reached the large block that was Allison’s house.

* * *

“Ew, gross.” 

“Shut up.”

“Look at what this guy’s wearing, what the hell is he thinking?”

“Klaus, that’s a dead body.”

Diego’s voice is on the brink of hysteria while he protests. There are people everywhere, both dead and alive, Klaus noted, skipping around the murder scene with Diego. There’s an odd sense of nostalgia of being here, at Griddy’s Doughnuts, even if there were multiple bodies and pools of blood all over the tile floor. Klaus’ eyes spot Ben bowed over a body, observing the pencil stabbed into the dude’e eye.

“Brutal,” Diego whistles and Klaus is inclined to agree. He glanced at the body with the handle of a mop stabbed through the stomach. 

“Diego!” shouted a voice, causing Diego, Klaus and Ben to look at the young woman heading towards them. She paused in front of them, her hands on her hips and an amused smile on her lips. 

“Who is this?” She indicated at Klaus, who gave her his Ben-trademarked “weird wink.” 

“My brother,” Diego said calmly, ignoring the women’s eyebrow raise as she gave Klaus a once-over, “Which one?”

“Seance,” his hand shot out towards her to shake, “Or Klaus, if you're feeling intimate.”

She snorted hard at his terrible joke and Diego raised his head up to the heavens with a sigh. The woman finally stops laughing to give him a curious look, “Hey if you’re the Seance, can’t you just...commune with these guys?” She gestures to the bodies around Griddy’s.

“Well, I’m not exactly in the right.. Frame of mind?”

Diego’s voice is as dry as desert, “You’re high?”

“YEa.. yea.” Klaus’ nodded at his brother, who looked like someone had just stabbed his pet, “That.”

Diego turned to the woman with a dramatic sigh, one that would normally suit Klaus. Or even Allison.

“Sorry about him Eudora, We’re shopping for my sister’s wedding,” Diego told her, “I have the week off for this.”

“I’m impressed that you haven’t been kicked out yet,” Eudora teased him. Diego groaned. 

Klaus, meanwhile, turned to Ben, who had floated over. Ben had an odd look on his face, but he simply sat on a counter and watched the police investigation. Diego was in the middle of insisting that  _ yes, Eudora, you are my plus one to my sister’s big fancy wedding,  _ when Klaus spotted a ghost out of the corner of his eye. 

“Your outfit sucks,” Klaus told the ghost, who balked once he realized Klaus could see him.

“It doesn’t.”

“Yea it does, I swear you can’t wear navy blue and black. It doesn’t look good.”

“That’s an opinion.”

“A good one.”

“Klaus!”

The man in question turned towards his brother and widening his eyes to make himself look as innocent as possible,”Yes, beloved brother of mine?”

“Are you talking to a ghost right now?” Diego asked as Eudora stared at Klaus like he had just floated off the floor or something.

“Yea, actually.”

Diego and Eudora turned to look at each other, an understanding look exchanged between them and Eudora talked next, “Let’s hear what he has to say.”

She led them over to a booth, Klaus, Ben and the ghost on one side, her and Diego on another. Eudora pulled out her pen and clicked it.

“I’ve never gotten to interrogate a dead person before,” She informed Klaus, “Should be interesting.”

The first question was a standard one that any police officer would ask if they could talk to a dead person, “Who killed you?”

“A kid. A kid in a schoolboy uniform.”

Eudora had to sit back and mull that one over as Diego’s face filled with confusion, “Are you sure that’s what he said?”

“Definitely.”

“Um… ok,” Eudora looked down at her notebook and scribbled something down, “What did this kid look like?”

“Dark hair, kinda taller, about thirteen to fourteen, wearing a navy school uniform, and fast.”

Eudora nodded, writing the description down, “What were you doing to prompt this attack?”

“We were trying to kill him.”

“So it was in self-defense?”

“Yes.”

Diego whistled with surprise, “A kid that kills in self-defense.”

Eudora shushed him and went back to writing down the ghost’s words, “Why did you want to kill this kid?”

“We were hired too by a group of people. We’d be paid handsomely to kill him, it was a shit ton of money, I’ll tell you. They gave us weapons and a tracking device and told us to kill him as quickly as possible.I just didn’t expect the kid to fight back.”

Eudora pursed her lips as Klaus finished relaying the message. Diego looked somehow more confused than he had a minute ago. Ben matched his living brother’s expression perfectly, almost making Klaus laugh.

“Why did they want this kid dead?”

“From what I could tell, they made it seem like the kid had done something wrong. It was punishment.”

“How was this kid able to kill all of you?”

“He was either very fast or he had some sort of power, like those Umbrella kids did,” Klaus and Ben exchanged glances at that, “There was a lot of blue flashing, but I didn’t really see that much.”

Diego’s brow furrowed when he heard the powers comment, “This kid..” He muttered, seeming to think to himself, “probably has powers.”

“Like us,” Klaus finished, meeting Ben’s worried eyes and Diego’s bit lip. Eudora’s hand weaved around Diego’s and squeezed. Klaus shoved down his jealousy and turned back to the ghost, dismissing him. He then sat back in the chair and pulled out a cigarette.

“Shit,” Diego muttered, staring at nothing, “Shit.”

Eudora looked down at the notepad she had written everything on and sighed, “There’s another witness we could use,” Diego and Klaus both shook off their stupors to watch her face. 

She stood up and marched over to a waitress waiting in another nearby booth, Diego and Klaus casually walking behind her. The waitress looked up as Eudora sat next to her, Diego and Klaus sitting on the other side. Klaus put his feet up on the table, ignoring Diego’s protest.

“Hello,” Eudora started, ‘I’m Detective Patch and this is my partner Detective Hargreeves. The other guy is a ...” She looked back and forth between Diego and Klaus before deciding on, “consultant.”

“I’m Agnes. Agnes Rofa.” The waitress told them. She looked pretty shaken, brushing her hair back with her hands and twisting her wrists around. 

Diego’s voice cut through the air, “Do you mind helping us out and telling us what happened here?”

Agnes swallowed and nodded, “Well. It was a slow night. Uh… there were two people left… A tow truck driver… and his kid.”

“Was the kid wearing a school uniform?” asked Eudora, writing on her notepad when Agnes noddd. Diego and Klaus met eyes, uncomfortably. 

“Can you give us a description of the kid?” Eudora soothed, “Any distinguishing features?”

Agnes tilted her head back, thinking, “Um.. he had dark hair, gelled, I think. Lighter eyes, blue or green. He ordered coffee.”

She inhaled, thinking, “Oh.. he had a tattoo on his wrist. An umbrella.”

Diego jolted upright and Klaus dropped his cigarette. 

“Like this one?” Diego asked, pulling up his sleeve and showing her the umbrella tattoo burned into his skin. 

Agnes’ eyes widened and she nodded, “Exactly like that one!”

“Holy… fuck,” Klaus breathed.

Ben looked up from the book he was reading with a grunt and a shrug.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like there are little details, I'm missing. But if I find something I'll fix it


	3. (Extraordinarily) Ordinary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What do you mean that there’s a kid with superpowers?” 
> 
> “I mean, that’s what it sounded like!”
> 
> “I feel like we would be alerted by Dad if he randomly acquired more kids to fuck up.”
> 
> “Or the media at least.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm weird like this and I love writing fight scenes.
> 
> That's like... the only thing I can write... at all
> 
> Also we are almost caught up to the actual canon's timeline.

**Assignment #100933**

**Corrector(s):** Hazel and Cha-Cha

**Manager:** The Handler

**Mission:** Eliminate Target in Attached File. 

**File # 08452**

00.05 (Number Five, Five) Hargreeves

**Rank:** S-Class Corrector

**Age:** 58

**Eye Color:** Green/Blue

**Hair Color:** Gray, previously Brown

**Threat Level:** Medium to High

**Time of Origin:** 1989, picked up for recruitment, 2049

**Relationships:**   
Six Adoptive Siblings (Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Ben, Vanya Hargreeves) ;  **Threat level: low, if provoked, medium.**

Reginald Hargreeves, father, **Threat level: low**  
Grace Hargreeves, mother, robot **Threat level: low**  
Pogo, highly intelligent chimp, caretaker **Threat level: low**  
Mannequin, named Delores, result of apocalypse

**Skills/Abilities** : 

Survival skills due to apocalypse living, natural ability to time travel without a Commission-sanctioned briefcase (observed to not be very good at this), natural ability to teleport, good at planning and strategy, handy with multiple weapons, including guns, knives, explosives and most blunt objects, can be mouthy.

**Weaknesses:**

Exceptionally strong weakness for family (appears to have faded, more observations necessary), Dedication to mannequin companion, Impulsive when scared, Not used to talking to people, tends to like working alone.

**Special Notes:**

If it is not possible to find Five, target his family members. It will draw him out. However, none of Hargreeves should be killed, they are necessary to the timeline. 

Due to the  **{REDACTED}** in Five, he will use extreme violence if absolutely necessary. Use caution. Do not provoke without a plan.

* * *

Hazel re-read the file as he sat on the bed he would sleep in. He ignored Cha-Cha’s annoyed voice as she criticized his treatment of the briefcase, like she’d ever had to carry the thing. He could deal with Cha-Cha’s bitching normally, but the stress of this assignment got to his head and he snapped, “Like you’ve ever carried it. That thing weighs so much, I’m surprised it’s just my wrist that’s given out, not everything else.”

Cha-Cha glared at him, a heavy gun in her hands and for one brief moment, Hazel though she’d point the gun at his face and kill him on the spot. Wouldn’t be the first time,she’d threatened it. Instead, she sighed and moved the gun to the side. 

“Whatever, let’s just kill this guy and get it over with.”

Nodding absently, Hazel scanned the file again. It was a more detailed file than he and Cha-Cha normally got, but that was a given since they were hunting down one of their own guys. Cha-Cha pursed her lips and echoed his thoughts, “We’ve never been after one of our own before.”

Hazel nodded reluctantly,”They sent some local hires to try and kill him earlier. No survivors.”

“Makes sense,” there was a slam as Cha-Cha angrily shoved a gun onto the bed, “Number Five’s a legend, there’s no way he’d be taken down by a bunch of ignorant criminals.”

“That’s why we’re here,” Hazel told her, not missing the small smile building at the corner of her mouth, proud to be chosen for this task.

“Yea.”

They fell into silence again. Hazel reading the file and Cha-Cha sorting through their weaponry. 

“Did you know Number Five has siblings?” 

“Hm.”

Cha-Cha didn’t seem interested in that, but Hazel was. He really didn’t remember where he’d come from, the Commission and Cha-Cha being his life since- well, forever. But the way that Number Five’s file was worded made it seem like his siblings were important to him which wasn’t something Hazel expected, based on the guy’s track record.

It would be nice to care about someone like that, muttered Hazel’s traitorous mind, and he immediately took a gun to that thought before he expressed it. He’d been feeling like this for a while, ever since that woman he’d let go after running over her husband with a car. The killing just didn’t give him the same spark it used to.

He contemplated telling Cha-Cha this several times, but backed out every single time. She’d probably kill him. Literally.

“Hey.”

He looked up from his internal debate to see Cha-Cha looking at him, odd familiar hunger in her eyes. She pointed at the TV that he had turned on as background noise, where a newscast flashed on screen,  _ Shootout at Griddy’s Doughnuts. Six dead and suspect still at large.  _ He shrugged at her, “So?”

She lifted the tracking device with a devilish grin, “That’s where the tracker is.”

Hazel heaved himself off the bed with a sigh. 

“Let’s go get this guy.”

* * *

Five limped through the streets of the city where he should’ve grown up. Distantly, he wondered what his mother and siblings were getting up to, but he had a mission. The glass eye in his pocket thumped against his thigh, a weight of all the burden he’s carrying. A name, he told himself, If he can get a name, he can tell his siblings and they can go stop the apocalypse together. 

But the fear of the circle of bodies kept him away. Five’s limp gets worse. It’s not even that he’s hurt, his only injury from Griddy’s being where he’d dug out the tracker implanted into his arm. It’s just a force of habit from an old broken leg that never healed properly, giving him a near permanent limp. 

He doesn’t even have that scar anymore.

The night is familiar, the most common time of his missions. The dark reminded him of the couple he’d shot from a car, the old man taking a midnight walk, the random killings that he’d never bothered to cry over.

He wanted to cry now. He needed alcohol.

Or… 

He stopped in front of a department store he must've unconsciously wandered to after getting the name from that driver guy,  _ Grimbel’s.  _ Hands shaking, he quickly approached the front of the building, glancing into the pit-black. No one was there. Five raised his hands and clenched his fists, ripping a hole in the mesh of space and jumping into the store. 

He’d broken into many places before this one. It’s what his job required him to do, but this one felt special, different. It was for a good cause, for himself. The flashlight he’d snatched, scanned the aisles, looking for her. It was weird being in this store, with the walls not crumbling and food lining the shelves. If he was back in the apocalypse, this would be heaven. A good shelter for his weak body, dragged across concrete and ashy ground. 

Five was pulled out of his thoughts as his flashlight hit its mark. Delores. 

She looked good, really good.  _ Holy shit, she had hair. Red hair.  _ Does she even remember him? Does she hate him for abandoning her? Will she hate his new appearance? He couldn’t contain himself and approached her, cautiously.

“Hello Delores,” He said, immediately hating every word that came out of his mouth. But Delores, like the angel she is, takes it in stride, responding with a simple  _ hello. _

He can feel the smile, growing on his face as he talked to her, the ache that had constantly filled his chest while with the Commission lessened slightly. Not gone, definitely not. But he was happy.

So of course it all went to shit.

He heard the cocking of the gun before he fully registered what it was, turning around to see two sadly, familiar figures point their guns straight at Delores. He could barely register his own voice screaming as he lurched towards her body on the floor, not even caring if he was shot. Her body in chunks and her beautiful red hair ripped off her head, but she smiled at him and reassured him that she was ok. Wrapping his arms around her, he took off running down the gardening aisle, looking for some sort of weapon.

“Found you, Number Five,” crowed Cha-Cha’s nasally voice, “All we had to do was listen to those police officers. We’ve already figured you out.”

He didn’t respond, knowing that Cha-Cha was just trying to figure out where he was. Apologizing to Delores, he shoved her into a duffel bag, ignoring her protests and demands to  _ explain himself. _

“I’ll admit the age-regression was a smart move,” Cha-Cha teased, Hazel remaining largely silent, “Threw us for a loop. We almost went after the tow-truck driver.”

Five bit his lip, fighting back a retort of  _ How the hell did you find me?,  _ but thank god for Cha-Cha’s large mouth because she continued mocking him, “We just looked around for you in the general area. Saw you marching up the street. Rather stupid of you to walk around in broad daylight, Don’t you think?”

Five finally found a pair of garden shears and wrapped his small hands around the handle, cursing at himself for walking around where he could be spotted. He set Delores’ bag down and whispered words of comfort to her and promised he’d be back. 

He teleported behind Hazel, who is busy swinging the weapon back and forth, looking for him. Grabbing the handle as tight as he can, he took a swipe at Hazel’s leg, blood splattering. Hazel barely even grunted, instead swinging his gun to where Five had been seconds prior. He fired, the shots screaming in Five’s ears as he thwiped away, landing on a counter behind Hazel. He raised the sheers, only for another round of bullets to go off.

A blast of white-hot pain boomed in his shoulder from where Cha-Cha had shot him and he stumbled, allowing Hazel to spot him, firing again. Cha-Cha’s voice echoed through her metal dog thing she wore, “I thought you were supposed to be good, Number Five.”

He gritted his teeth, ignoring his impulse to mouth off to her, his father’s voice in his head helpfully adding,  _ You need to learn how to shut up, Number Five, or the villains will figure out your location. _

Jesus Christ.

He ducked inside the circle clothing racks, laying on the floor and watching the feet of his attackers search for him. Trying to plan this out wasn’t working, he’d already been attacked earlier tonight, the exhaustion from all the warping around catching up to him. The wounds on his shoulder and arm throbbed and his heart beat in his ears. Hazel’s voice echoed from where he was standing a few aisles away, “Wrist brace? Yesss..”

“Focus!” 

Hazel scoffed, “Whatever Cha-Cha. I don’t see the little twerp anywhere.”

“He’s still here.I can smell it.”

Five didn’t even want to question that, after all Diego had said similar things to him before. Instead of focusing on Cha-Cha’s weirdness, his eyes focused on the duffel bag Delores was stored in nearby. He just needed to grab it and go. 

_ Go where?,  _ his brain supplied,  _ You don’t have anywhere to go.You don’t even know where your siblings are. _

Five imagined grabbing that part of his brain and drowning it. It made him feel a bit better. He adjusted his stance and formulated a plan. 

It was a shitty one, but the best one he had. 

Knowing he was on his last few warps, Five carefully warped over to the arts and crafts section of the store, the small noise that went with his warps covered by the rack he shoved over. Hazel and Cha-Cha bought it, both of them firing at the sound. It gave him all the time he needed to grab the supplies he needed and make it back to Delores’ bag. Using his teeth he quickly ripped open the small boxes he had grabbed, and prepared to escape.

“Where the hell is that little cretin?” Cha-Cha snarled, her voice rising by a few octaves. It would be a little funny if she wasn’t toting around a massive gun and trying to kill him. Hazel mumbled a response that he couldn’t quite hear.

He jumped to his feet, waving his arms to get their attention, “Hey assholes!”

Both swung around at the sound of a voice and Five instantly regretted everything about this plan, but he teleported down another aisle, throwing down a massive amount of Pop-its. The noise was all he needed to cover his warps, and he slammed himself against the alleyway wall as Hazel and Cha-Cha shouted at each other, wondering how they lost him.

He sank down, shaking, Delores cradled in his arms, the gunshots and shouts echoing in his ears. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, covered in garbage, blood and sweat for the second time in (barely) two days. But he knew he couldn’t stay there for long and he stood up, forcing the last bits of his power through his hands to get him back to the Academy.

One minute later, the first police car pulled up to the store.

* * *

Vanya burst through the doorway of her sister’s house, looking for anyone, literally anyone. Hearing laughter from another room, she raced towards it, emerging into a warm scene she never would’ve expected. Allison and Patrick curled up together on the couch, Luther on the opposing one, one of Allison’s movies playing on the TV. Luther had a large red stain on his turtleneck, but he looked happy. Allison had lights dancing in her eyes and she laughed loudly and freely at the TV.

“Look at my line-delivery, Oh my god!”

Vanya stopped and froze in the doorway, nervously looking between her two siblings. She fumbled for her pill bottle in her pocket, creating enough noise that all three of them turned to look at her.

“Um.”

Patrick’s winning smile stopped her, “Vanya! Come here!” he awkwardly patted the couch with Allison tangled in his arms. 

Frozen, Vanya quickly looked from Allison to Luther, judging their faces. Neither looked opposed, Allison actually smiled at her too, while Luther looked skeptical but encouraging. She took a pill quickly and shuffled over to where Luther sat on practically half the couch. Plopping down next to him was the weirdest feeling of her life, after all the lowly Number Seven had never been allowed to come near the golden boy Number One. But Luther scooted over to give her some room and she cautiously smiled at him. 

She was surprised when he smiled back, wrapping an arm around her. Gazing up at his face, she recognized the slight flush of his cheeks and a dopey grin. 

“Oh my god, are you drunk?” She gasped, laughing as Luther nodded at her dreamily. 

Vanya didn’t know how to feel anymore. Her Dad’s Number One, golden boy, the owner of her book chapter “The Favorite,” was drunk. 

In her amusement, she almost forgot about the man on the bus. Almost. She turned to Allison, who was busily talking up a storm with Patrick about her movies. 

“Hey, Allison,” she whispered, Allison giving her a big grin, “What’s up!”

“There was a man on the bus ride home.”

“Oh?”

“He was really creepy,” Vanya informed her sister, ignoring Luther pretending to not listen in. “I didn’t feel…. Safe..”

Allison moved in quick strides, standing up and sitting next to Vanya. She gently took Vanya’s hand and told her in a very serious voice, “I’ll kick his ass.”

Vanya can’t take any more and burst into laughter. Her sister held her hand and nodded seriously, “I swear to god, Vanya, I’ll kill him for you. What’s his name?”

“Leonard Peabody.”

“That’s a stupid name,” Luther told her, Allison squinted at him, “Our legal names are numbers, Luther”

“Wait they are?” Patrick said, turning towards Allison, “I thought that was a joke! Or at least just like, a superhero thing. You know, to hide your identity? ”

“Well, I had it changed legally but until I was eighteen, I was named Three. But we had actual superhero names as well as the numbers. The numbers were our actual names.”

“Your dad is the worst,” Patrick told her. Vanya nodded, not sure if she could be a part of this conversation considering she didn’t have a superhero name, and Luther just looked to the side, not disagreeing but not agreeing either.

There’s an awkward silence after that, like Reginald Hargreeves himself just entered the room, spitting fire and angry words, berating them for simply criticizing his abysmal parenting methods. But Vanya finally felt like she belonged. So she drifted off to sleep, a small nap, she told herself.

She awakened to the sound of yelling.

“What do you mean that there’s a kid with superpowers?” 

“I mean, that’s what it sounded like!”

“I feel like we would be alerted by Dad if he randomly acquired more kids to fuck up.”

“Or the media at least.”

“I’m still not entirely convinced that’s what’s happening here,” Luther said, with a definitive edge to his voice.

They all looked at him and he froze under their gazes, “Well, I was literally at the house yesterday. I feel like I would notice if there were more kids there.”

“I’m sorry,” Vanya apologized, causing all of her siblings (and Patrick) to look at her, “What’s going on?”

Diego’s lip curled when she spoke and she fell silent quickly under his gaze but, thankfully, Klaus answered her.

“There were two shootouts last night. Diego and I went to one of them and I used my amazingly inconvenient powers to figure out that the culprit was a kid that was possibly wearing that hideous uniform Dad made us wear for years.. Also Diego thinks he has powers.”

“You do too!” 

“I never said I didn’t.”

That dissolved into another argument that caused Allison to roll her eyes and look longingly at the bottle of wine on her coffee table. Vanya related to that. This family couldn’t get through anything without dissolving into a fight, normally physical. 

“Ok, ok.” She tried, but was quickly overpowered by the pure boom of Diego’s angry voice and Klaus’ slightly slurred replies. Defeated she plopped back down on the couch and took the wine bottle, ready to pour another glass when Patrick spoke up.”

“Why don’t you just ask your dad if he’d recruited anyone else?”

All the Hargreeves, except Luther, frowned at that.

“Here’s the thing, Pat- Can I call you Pat?” Klaus trained his eyes on Patrick, “Dad wouldn’t tell us even if we point blank asked him. He’s a stubborn little bastard like that.”

Amused, Diego snakily replied, “Maybe if we asked really  **nicely,** ” however his sarcasm vanished when Luther pointed and nodded at that, “What the hell Luther?”

“He probably would tell us if we asked,” Luther said, “If we told him it was important…”

Klaus shook his head in disappointment and Allison sighed, clasping her hands and sitting next to Vanya.

“We could call him,” She suggested, her face telling them that the last thing she wanted to do was the very thing she suggested.

“Oh sure,” Klaus waved his cigarette wildly, “Hey Dad, could you stop playing table tennis with those other rich assholes and take a quick call from your estranged children that you see as utter failures? Please, Allison, Let’s do anything but that.”

No one argued with that. 

Finally finding her voice, Vanya offered her solution, “Well, What if we asked Pogo? Or Mom? They know Dad the best, right? Why don’t we just ask them?”

Falling silent, she watched her sibling’s faces. Luther seemed impassive, drawing his shoulders to look smaller and he kept looking at Diego. Diego’s eyelid twitched and he was chewing on his cheek almost in anger. Vanya smirked to herself at his reaction. Allison had her head tilted to the sky, looking like she was listening to some unseen voice. Klaus was muttering to something, waving his arms and staring in the direction of a bookshelf. 

Finally, Allison broke the silence, “That seems like the best plan to me.” She sounded begrudging, but accepting.

Luther finally raised his head and muttered, “The only one at home is Mom. Pogo went with Dad on his trip”

“Then we ask her,” Diego sounded far too pleased about the idea of seeing Mom again, “She’ll tell us.”

“We need to have a backup plan, in case her programming doesn’t let her,” Vanya pointed out and immediately regretted it when Diego’s furious eyes turned on her.

“You don’t  **get** to have an opinion on this situation, especially not after you wrote that fucking book,” He snarled, causing Klaus to wince. 

Diego wasn’t done, “You think your life was bad? Everyone in that house suffered Vanya! Even Mom and Pogo. Hell look what he did to Five and Ben, They’re gone because of Dad and you told the whole world that you suffered? Some of us wanted to be you, ignored by Dad because  **anything** would be better than one more private torture session with that  **monster.”**

On that note, Diego twirled around and turned his back on her, “We’re going to the Academy in the morning. To get to the bottom of this.”

He stormed out of the room, not once looking back. Vanya didn’t even notice she was shaking until Allison took one of her hands. 

“Ignore him,” Allison’s warm gaze met Vanya’s, “He’s just mad and stressed.”

Vanya’s head bobbed up and down, not agreeing but consenting just so she could get out of the room. 

“Where’s the bathroom?” She asked Allison, who pointed down the hall.

Vanya scurried away, clutching her bottle of pills and trying to ignore the eyes burning into her back. She slammed the bathroom door,and fell against the sink. Her hands shaking, she unscrewed her pill bottle and tried to take one, but ended up dropping the entire bottle on the floor.

Not even attempting to clean up the mountain of pills on the floor, she sank down and curled up, wrapping her legs and arms around each other. The tears mixed with the pills on the floor and Vanya sat there and watched. 

She fell asleep there, curled up on the floor, pills scattered and tears dripping down her face.

* * *

Sound detected. Power. On.

Walk cycle. Initiated. Target acquired. Heartbeat: Above average. Body temperature: High. State of mind detected: Fear. 

“Hello sweetheart.”

Five stopped in his tracks, to turn and look at her. Grace smiled at him.

“Hi, Gra-.. Mom.”

Grace scanned her son, searching for the cause of the fear she had detected, but instead hit two points of heat on her son’s small body.

“You’re hurt,” She told him, reaching out to touch him, “Let me help.”

Five grabbed her hand and yanked it away from his body, shaking even harder. Fear. Detected. 

“There’s nothing you can do.” 

Initiate. Medical Protocol. 

“I doubt that,” She said, giving him a reassuring smile, “Let me at least patch you up.”

Five’s grip on her arm tightened, but he seemed to be debating between two options. Whatever he decided, he gave a nod.

Consent from Patient. Acquired.

Quickly, she scooped him up, ignoring his shout of angry protest. Holding him tight as he tried to get away, she rushed down to the infirmary and set her youngest- incorrect data- smallest son on a bed. He blew hair out of his eyes and glared at her, but didn’t move from the bed she had set him down on. She counted that as a win.

“Oh my!” She gasped as Five showed her the angry slash on his arm, her scanners telling her it was from a knife, “You’ve been cut with a knife!”

Five huffed a laugh, sounding almost hysterical when he replied, “Yea, I noticed.”

Grace whipped out the medical supplies and got to work, Five watching her intently. As she worked she carefully took down data in her internal notebook. Her memory drives told her that Five looked the same as he had all those years ago, but his personality didn’t match her memories. 

She paused in her work when Five shifted, grabbing a duffel bag and pulling out what appeared to be the top half of a department store mannequin. She blinked.

“Delores, this is Grace. Grace this is Delores,” Five told the mannequin, his eyes set on it as he listened to a voice only he could hear.

Child Databanks. Relaunched. 

“Hello Delores,” She said, finishing her wrap on the first wound on Five’s arm. He beamed at her.

Photo. Taken. Saved.

Photo. Moved. Folder: Blackmail.

Grace smiled back.

She moved onto the wound in Five’s other arm, a bullet wound aimed with precision. There were too many files in her databank of cleaning bullet wounds on her children, allowing her to clean and dress his wound without running too many programs. She instead watched Five, who cuddled with the mannequin and whispered to it. 

He’s so small. Grace runs more data. She hasn’t seen her children this small since.. Exactly eleven years ago. 

She finished dressing the wound exactly ten minutes and 37 seconds later and when she looked up, he was asleep. 

Sleepless. Protocol. Activated.

She got up and walked over to a small cot that was covered in dust in the corner of the infirmary. She easily set it up, running through the program like she had done it millions of times before. Laying down on the cot, next to Five, she powered off, but kept her sound detection systems on.

Sleepless. Protocol. Ran.

* * *

“Well, that went well,” Cha-Cha’s voice was filled with sarcasm as Hazel shoved another jelly doughnut down his throat.

“I don’t know, Cha-Cha, I got a wrist brace so it wasn’t a total loss.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Yes, I’m serious! My psychical therapist said I should get one, but my health isn’t exactly covered by insurance.”

Cha-Cha’s raised eyebrow told him she was talking about something else. Hazel quickly looked down to see there was jelly doughnut paste all over his suit. 

“Shit.”

“Now we gotta pay for laundry. I told you that you shouldn’t eat in your outfit.”

“I’m trying to relax after that shitshow.”

Cha-Cha scoffed, “We knew this one would be harder, but Number Five is now a kid. We’re adults. We can easily kill this piece of shit, collect our pay and get the hell out of this place.”

“Whatever,” Hazel waved his hand, “They could’ve at least given us a warning or something before they dock us pay or some shit.”

Just as the words come out of his mouth, the whooshing sound familiar to both of them echoed throughout the motel.

“Speak of the devil.”

Cha-Cha grabbed it and quickly opened the message, reading it aloud, “Job delay. Minus 7% of total each day till job completion.”

“Fantastic,” Hazel threw up his arms, “Just great.”

“Whatever,” Cha-Cha dismissed, rummaging around the motel with an annoyed look. Hazel watched her with an impassive look.

“Where the hell did you put that file?”

Hazel shifted from his seat and handed Cha-Cha the file that he was sitting on. She grimaced at the dents but quickly scanned through the file.

“Ah, right here.” She jabbed at the paper with a long nail, _ “If it is not possible to find Five, target his family members. It will draw him out.” _

Hazel sighed, “Well, that’s an idea. Does it say where his family could be?”

“Yea,” Cha-Cha told him, “There’s an address.”

“Welp,” Hazel lumbered off the bed he was relaxing on, “Let’s go break into a house.”

* * *

No sounds sent off her protocol in the middle of the night, but when Grace sat up, Five was missing from the bed she had set him on. 

Patient. Missing. Scan.

Her scanners picked up on movement upstairs and she quickly followed the heat signature to where Five was scrawling numbers on the kitchen table, stacks of papers surrounding him and a glass eye sitting in front of him. The mannequin, Delores, was in the chair next to him, Ben’s chair and there was a teacup in front of her.

Initiate. Intervention.

“Five.”

He looked at her, a scowl on his features, “What.”

“No writing on the table,” She said breezily, “It’s not sanitary.”

Five’s frown deepened, but he stopped writing on the table to look at her. She simply smiled back.

“Thanks.. you for last night,” Five stammered, his normally arrogant tone gone.

“No need to thank me,” Grace simply said, “It’s why I’m here. To help you kids.”

Five’s eye twitched when she said ‘kids’ so she logged it into her memories. Glancing around the table she focused on the glass eye, “What’s this?”

“The eye of the person who will cause the end of the world.”

“Oh is that all?”

Five stared at her, confusion on his features before morphing back into a scowl. 

“Yea, that’s all.”

Pinched brows. Staring at the table. Writing on objects. State of mind detected: Stress.

Grace blinked. “Have you tried to find where the eye was manufactured?”

“Went earlier this morning. Dead end.”

“Oh.”

Grace watched the face of her youngest as he glared at the eye in front of him, her protocol warning her that she needed to relieve his stress. Keep them happy, Reginald said, If they are happy, they are compliant. 

Don’t leave the house. Code Override. Happiness Protocol. Initiated.

“Why don’t you stake it out?” She said with a soft smile, “It might be a dead end but it could help you feel better.”

Five squinted at her, but seemed more relaxed at her suggestion. 

“Maybe, might take my mind off things.”

“Great.” She said standing up.

Happiness Protocol Ran. Protector Protocol Initiated. 

“I’m coming with you.”

If she pretended not to notice her son’s jaw drop to the floor, well that was her own fault.

* * *

Entering the Academy was weird, Klaus realized, really really weird. He was the first one inside the doors, Ben behind him, but he stopped in the entrance and stared at the vast walls and familiar smells. He looked at Ben, who meet his eyes and said, “Looks the exact same.”

Like the ghosts he so often saw, Klaus wandered through the corridors he had once called home. Now back here, he couldn’t believe anyone could call this place a home.

It was a nightmare. 

The only person who didn’t slow down to stare at the Academy walls was Luther, who’d never left. Allison had left Patrick at home, insisting that she’d be back quickly, ready to work on whatever wedding stuff she needed to. Patrick cheerfully told her that he thought he could handle the wedding for one day. Allison definitely needed a break.

Diego was scowling at every wall, trailing his thumbs down each little scar they’d left as kids. He was still fuming from last night and he hadn’t even looked at Vanya for the two hour drive back to the Academy.

Vanya’s eyes were red-rimmed and blurry. She looked impossibly small in the closed suffocating space and she seemed less sure of herself than ever, every so often pulling out her empty pill bottle and twisting the cap.

They sat in the foyer, silent. Five’s photo perched overhead, like a mockery. Ben kept glaring at it as he paced the room. Klaus watched him circle around and around, It made him dizzy, but he puffed on his cigarette and kept watching.

Allison, always the boldest, spoke first, “We need to find Mom.”

At that they all stood, the solidarity felt under their brother’s portrait gone as they paired up. Allison and Luther. Diego and Klaus (and Ben). Vanya (Alone). Each group took a different area without even speaking and headed off.

Diego went straight for Mom’s charging station, Klaus following behind. If anyone in this house knew the most about Mom, it would have to be him so Klaus let him take the lead.

Ben crept closer to Klaus as they watched Diego, “What do you think is going on?”

“I’ve got no clue,” Klaus shrugged, “There’s a kid, who killed some people. Might have superpowers. And now I’m back in hell, watching my brother look for our robot mom. Also Allison’s getting married.”

“Life is crazy,” Ben left it at that.

“You got no idea.”

Diego brushed past Klaus, who hadn’t even noticed Diego finishing up his search, “Come on Klaus.”

Klaus wasn’t exactly sure where Diego was headed until he saw the lights of the kitchen ahead. Made sense to him, if Mom wasn't charging she was probably organizing the kitchen. However, when Diego burst into the kitchen he stopped moving and Klaus ran straight into his back.

“What the..”

The kitchen table is a mess of papers, covered in scribbling that can only be described as insane. Numbers and equations written desperately on mountains of paper. Whoever wrote them was so agitated that there were even numbers written on the table itself. The oddest thing wasn’t even the numbers however, it was the freshly prepared smiley-face breakfast sitting untouched in the mess of papers.

Diego ran over to the breakfast, staring at it like it contained the answers to the universe. With one hand he grabbed one of the eggs and ate it, Klaus’s face cringing with concern and Ben let out a breathless humorless laugh.

“It’s Mom’s cooking.”

“I can’t believe he can tell that just from a taste,” Ben murmured.

Diego met Klaus’ eyes, “We need to tell the others.” Klaus nodded nervously.

Suddenly there was a cloud clanging sound heard from the floor above them.

Diego, Klaus and Ben met Allison and Luther in the narrow hallway lined with fighting posters and charged into the foyer, only to be met by gunshots firing at them. They scattered, ducking under furniture as the two people that had fired, ceased.

“Where’s the boy?” snarled one of them, their voice sounded feminine. When no one answered, they fired again.

_ The boy?  _ Mouthed Luther at the others. Diego nodded,  _ I’d assume the one we’re looking for,  _ he mouthed back.

_ What?”  _ Klaus’s mouth moved, Diego waved him off.

Allison looked back and forth and gave Luther a slap to get his attention,  _ Where’s Vanya? _

Ben jumped up and down, trying to get Klaus’ attention and when he did, Ben shouted, “Vanya’s over by the door. Those goons knocked her unconscious.”

Klaus nodded and tapped Diego, motioning to the door and mouthing  _ Vanya.  _

Diego, the idiot, didn’t get it and instead turned to the other siblings as the gunshots rang out. He made a breaking motion with his fist and then lifted three fingers. The old training took over and they all nodded, Diego raised his fist.

Three.

Two.

One.

On that they all ran out at the two gunmen (women?), Klaus had to blink a couple of times when he realized that they were wearing mascot masks and navy blue suits.  _ What the fuck? _

The fight started, Allison kicking at the smaller one with a pink mask. She grunted and swung her weapon at Allison, who tried to duck under it, but the pink one brought her leg up at the same time, shoving Allison backwards. 

Luther went for the bigger one, who gladly reciprocated that fury, firing his weapon at Luther, who had to duck behind multiple different things due to how big he was. Diego, not to be outdone, chucked a knife at the blue one’s weapon hand, knocking the weapon out of his hand.

“Fuck my wrist brace,” said the blue one, as Diego charged at him.

Klaus, largely ignored by both parties, slid over to where Vanya lay on the ground, trying to get her up. He wasn’t sure how long he shook her, trying to rouse her, but when he heard a loud crash, he jolted upright.

Dashing to the main hall, he made it there just in time to see Luther, with a extremely hairy body and muscles contorted in the most unnatural way he’d ever seen, head up the stairs past a shell-shocked Diego.

Diego’s face turned towards him and he started to shout, “KLAUS, WATCH OU-”

Then the world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out. I wrote this fic just so I could write Grace and Five.
> 
> I love them.


	4. The (Only) Man on the Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can you please enter my house like a normal person for once?”
> 
> “There’s no time, I need you to come with me, right now.”
> 
> “If it’s for another one of your vigilante escapades, you better count me out. I love you, Diego, but I literally can’t stand watching you flail around like a lunatic in spandex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m absolutely pumping out these chapters and I don’t know when this trend of daily updates will stop but I’m gonna ride it till I die.
> 
> But anyways, have you ever wanted to find a song for a character to fit a certain scene so it’s easier for you to write, but you scroll through all your playlists for that character and there’s NOTHING. Because that was a constant mood for this chapter.
> 
> (yes, i have character playlists for the hargreeves, because i write better while jamming.if you want me to post them i will…)
> 
> (this is not a shameless plug for my playlists and definitely not a cry for attention)

“Is this really necessary?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely, sweetheart. If we’re trying to blend in then this is the best way.”

“Can you even eat? Why did you buy three of these?”

“To blend in.”

Five frowned at the cup of coffee ice cream in front of his face like it had personally offended him. Mom sat in the seat across from him with a bubblegum flavored ice cream in front of her, however she wasn’t actually eating it, just creepily watching Five eat his. When he had asked her why she chose bubblegum, she had said, “I think the name is the most fun.”

He was getting a migraine. 

Delores sat next to him with a bowl of red velvet in front of her. She reminded him that this was his mother and he shouldn’t be getting so pissy. 

_ It makes you look like your physical age. _

“Fuck off.”

“Language,” Mom admonished him, wrinkling her nose. 

“We should be doing more important things right now,” He told Mom, who cocked her head in sympathy.

“In a minute sweetheart, but we’ve been sitting in that van for hours and you looked like you needed a break.” She told him, open and sincere, “Besides we can still see the Meritech building from here.”

He scowled again, unwilling to admit that she was right and the only reason he was unhappy was the simple fact that he was forced to socially interact. Delores clicked her tongue in an unhelpful way and told him that he probably needed a better social life anyways. He grumbled but didn’t protest against her.

Really they were both ganging up on him, Delores and Mom both had very similar opinions on his terrible coping habits. He’d brought a bottle of vodka into the van with him, deciding that he could get drunk if this whole thing didn’t work out, but Mom had literally chucked it out the window when she saw it, effectively ending that plan. 

Mom.. He couldn’t really decide whether it was natural to call her that. On one hand, Mom was all he’d really called her, even as he matured to his almost sixties. He just couldn’t really change his perception of her. Unlike Reginald, who he’d stopped calling ‘Dad’ at a very young age, He’d never been able to shake the label off of her. 

On the other, Five was almost sixty years old and he hadn’t needed his mother in years. Hell, he’d survived the apocalypse for thirty, killed endless amounts of people for another fifteen. There was something funny about someone as cold and brutal as he was needing a mother.

“Everyone needs a mother sweetheart,” Mom’s voice broke through his train of thought and he startled at her concerned gaze. He’d just mumbled his thoughts aloud, a leftover habit from the apocalypse where the only voice was his own. (And Delores’ )

Mom gently pushed the ice cream away from her and took his hand in hers, “You’ve been through a lot,” She told him, “Maybe you need to slow down. You need to go to your siblings, They’d want to see you and you should see them. I think you need it”

“I’ll see them when they’re safe,” Five put a scoop of coffee ice cream in his mouth, “From the apocalypse.”

“You can’t do it alone,” Mom said, watching him pull away, scowling. 

He put his hand in front of him and mumbled, “I don’t think I want to get them involved. It didn’t end well for them last time.”

He can see the silhouettes of their bodies behind his eyelids, burned into his mind forever. He remembered the hallucinations of his siblings, cursing him for not being there, only formed due to dehydration and desperation.

“But that was the future,” She observed, “A future without you there to help. But you’re here now, Number Five. Don’t waste it by pushing them away.”

His eyes fluttered once and twice and he let out a big sigh. Raising his head to meet his mother’s eyes, he allowed himself to give her a small smile. 

“I won’t.”

Mom smiled, but to Five’s eyes, it felt like the first one that she meant. He smiled back, eating a scoop of his ice cream.

Click.

“Did you just take a photo of me?”

“Of course not, Don’t be ridiculous.”

They lapsed into another silence, but it was thoroughly less uncomfortable than the last one. He dug his spoon into the table and ate his ice cream while Mom watched the passerby with a distant interest. Delores didn’t talk, but he could feel her watching him with a smile.

Eventually, as Five was scooping the last bits of ice cream into his mouth, something caught his eye. A man, oddly familiar was sneaking out of the Meritech building, trying to not look suspicious but only making himself look more suspicious.

“Hey, I know that guy,” Five said rapidly standing up, “That’s the guy I talked to this morning about the eye. What the hell is he doing?”

Mom let out a humming noise and gazed at the guy, “Why don’t you go and find out then?”

He shot her a surprised look and she stood up, looking down at him, “I should be heading back to the house to recharge soon, but you can go investigate. Just try and stay around here, ok? That way I don’t lose you again.”

Swallowing back the odd lump in his throat, Five nodded and was suddenly pulled into a hug. Mom ran her fingers through his hair and he took comfort in the fact that he could actually feel her there. After a few minutes, he untangled himself from her grip and leaned over to strap Delores onto himself.

“I’ll see you soon, Mom.”

“See you soon, Five.”

He disappeared in a flash of light. Mom sighed, “Boys will be boys.”

Picking up the two uneaten ice cream cups, she set them on top of the trash can and started down the street towards the Academy.

After all, Five had taken the keys to the van with him.

* * *

She could only watch. She could only watch as Luther’s body was revealed. She could only watch as the two people in masks took Klaus, Diego screaming and running after them, but was forced to stop as one of them raised their gun, aiming to kill. Diego skidded to a stop and the two remaining siblings could only watch as Klaus was dragged through the door. 

She found herself running, but not to Diego but to Vanya, laying on the floor. 

“Vanya,” She sobbed, shaking her sister’s shoulders, “Vanya.”

The sigh of relief when Vanya swatted at her, was immediate. Reacting on instinct, she gripped her sister in a tight hug. Vanya hesitantly wrapped her arms around her and Allison leaned into her sister with a smile.

Diego was the one to break up the little party on the floor, “What the hell was that?”

“What part?” Allison’s voice was on the edge of hysteria, “The Chuck E Cheese assassins, Luther being messed up or Klaus being kidnapped.”

“All of it,” Diego’s voice was weak, “Every single minute of it.”

“Klaus was kidnapped?” Vanya gasped out from where she was laying on the floor. Forgetting that he was supposed to be mad at her, Diego nodded.

“It’s my fault,” Vanya exhaled, while her two siblings stared at her, “I should’ve tried to warn you guys.”

“Why would it be your fault?” Allison rubbed her sister’s shoulders soothingly, “No one knew this would happen.”

Vanya’s breath is shaky but she seemed to accept this. Diego started pacing.

“I’m going after those two freaks,” He said, finally. Allison frowned up at him, “You better not be going without backup, you saw what they did.”

Diego’s terrified face vanishes as he smirks at her, “I’m a policeman, Allison.”

“In training.”

“Whatever.”

Diego gave her a look of sibling-like anger and fondness, before charging out the door. 

_ Well, what do you know,  _ Allison thought a bit hysterically,  _ All it takes is one of us being kidnapped to make us get along. _

Blocking out the sound of Diego’s car’s tires screeching on the concerte, she turned back to Vanya, who was still collapsed on the floor. She gently put her arms under her sister’s armpits and pulled her up. Vanya was still shaking and Allison couldn’t believe how small her sister looked right now.

“Hey, Vanya,” She stroked her sister’s hair, the girl in question changing her gaze to meet Allison’s eyes.

“It’s not your fault, ok? We had no idea this was coming. And Klaus is.. Well, Klaus. I’m sure he’ll be ok,” She reassured, but Vanya sniffled still.

“I’ve paid for his rehab for the last seven years,” Vanya murmured into Allison’s chest, “I’ve always thought…”

She doesn’t finish the thought, instead dissolving into tears as Allison continued to stroke her hair. 

“Some wedding this is,” joked Allison, keeping her voice light as Vanya let it all out.

“I’m sorry all this is happening during your wedding,” Vanya apologized as Allison forced out a laugh, “There’s worse things that can happen. For one, Dad could show up.”

Vanya giggled at that through her tears and gave her sister a small grin, “Don’t let Luther hear you say that.”

“Oh shit, Luther,” Allison remembered, grabbing Vanya’s hand, “We have to go find him.”

She dashed up the stairs, pulling poor, confused Vanya with her, eventually ending up at the door to Luther’s old bedroom, where she could hear movement. Vanya, next to her, looked on with big eyes.

“Luther?” she called through the door, hearing him move behind the door. 

“Allison,” he replied, “I just…”

She remembered the shape his body had been in, twisted, red, angry and destroyed. The odd way his limbs twisted and the hair that coated every part of his torso. At least she understood why he wore all those thick sweaters and long sleeves now.

“I just need a minute,” He finished and she nodded. 

Vanya scrunched up her face, but Allison ignored her and told Luther, “We can talk about this later. When you feel better, why don’t you head back to my house? I’ll regroup there with you and Diego later. Vanya and I are going to look for Klaus.”

The silence that greeted her after she told him that was long, but he finally mumbled, “Sure.”

“Great.”

She looked towards her sister with a fake smile, “Let’s go get these punks.”

* * *

“This is like squeezing water out of a brick,” Hazel muttered, chomping on a cracker as he and Cha-Cha stared at the prisoner.

“I’m starting to realize that,” Cha-Cha agreed, gazing at Five’s brother as he laughed insanely at the wall.

“SHUT UP!” Hazel shouted at him and he laughed even harder, “I’ve already told you, I don’t know anything.”

“This is a nightmare.”

“I’m aware, Hazel.”

“Just another example of the management sticking it to the working man.”

“I know, Hazel,” Cha-Cha said tiredly.

“We don’t even know where Five is.”

“Five?” The brother’s voice broke weirdly, he almost turned around to look at them in surprise.

Hazel laughed with amusement, “Yea, him. Short. Annoying. Teleports. A general nuisance.”

“Shut up Hazel,” Cha-Cha admonished him, sounding vaguely amused at his description of Five. She stalked up to the brother, leaning down so she could look him in the eyes through her mask, “Do you know where he is?”

The brother stared at her with glassy eyes, almost like he was barely even seeing her, “Five’s alive?”

She jerked upwards, balancing on her heels. Hazel raised an eyebrow as she headed over, her gait furious.

“This was all for nothing,” she spat, “He knows nothing.”

Hazel rolled his eyes, “What did you expect?” 

“I expected that the file would be right and he would go look for his siblings,” Cha-Cha ranted as Hazel simply shrugged, “Well then we’ll have to improvise. We have a hostage. We should do something about that.”

Cha-Cha tilted her head to the side and was about to reply when a whooshing noise startled both of them.

With a glance and a quick argument between the two, Hazel lumbered over to the wall and pulled out the capsule.

**Assignment** **#100933**

**Deviation #1**

**Corrector(s):** Hazel and Cha-Cha

**Manager:** The Handler

**Mission:** Destroy the Meritech Building

Without a word, Hazel showed the paper to Cha-Cha, who frowned. 

“Why would we need to do that?” She questioned and Hazel snorted, “Do you really think management would tell us that?”

“Whatever, let’s just do it quickly and get back to the job,” Cha-Cha stood up and began to pull the brother’s chair into the closet. 

Hazel grunted in agreement and began to move toward the door. Cha-Cha closed the closet door on the brother and grabbed her gun, “You need to bring that briefcase with us. It’s precious goods and we can’t afford to lose it.”

“Then why don’t you carry it?” Hazel bit back, “That thing is so heavy, My therapist said…”

“I don’t give a damn what your therapist said,” Cha-Cha growled, “You’re carrying the briefcase.”

“No, I’m putting my foot down, Cha-Cha. We don’t need it to blow up a goddamn building. We’ll be back soon anyways.”

Cha-Cha and Hazel stared each other down, but Hazel won the argument as Cha-Cha rolled her eyes, “Whatever, let’s just get this done quickly.”

Hazel silently cheered and Cha-Cha led the way out of the building. In his pleasure, Hazel forgetting the briefcase on the bed and the ‘Do-Not-Disturb’ sign on the door.

Klaus whimpered from the closet.

* * *

Only when the house was completely silent, did Luther stumble out of his room, disoriented and exhausted and feeling sick.

His family… 

The house was silent and although he was used to the feeling of the house, but normally there was some sound. Mom cooking, Pogo’s cane, or Dad’s voice over the speakers.

He found he only missed Mom and Pogo’s noises and not the biting voice of his father over the speakers. 

Walking through the house, he finally emerged into the living room and it took his breath away. Bullet casings and holes covered the entire hall and Luther felt it in his soul. Those holes had ripped through the fabric and tore through the only place he could call home. 

He gazed at the portrait of his father, bullets ripped through the paper and his father’s face ripped off. Disgusted, he silently took the photo by the frame and pulled it off the wall, setting it to the side. 

The room felt bigger, his body less small, less weird and fake. He felt bigger.

Then the front door opened.

“Klaus?” He asked, wondering if his brother had escaped from his captors, but a female voice greeted him instead, “Just me, sweetheart.”

“Mom?”

She entered the living room with a smile, but stopped when she saw the bullet holes.

“Oh dear, what happened?”

Luther opened his mouth to ask her where she was during the entire fight but then his brain comprehended that  _ she had just come from the front door _ .

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

Luther was frozen as he stared at her, “Did… did you just go outside?”

“Oh, yes!” She beamed at him, “It was very lovely.”

Luther had never felt such confusion, “How.. how did you leave the house?”

Mom had been picking up the pillows that had fallen on the floor during the fight, but she stopped to look at him, “My protection protocol overrode my ‘stay in the house protocol’, Your father won’t be happy.”

“Who cares?” Luther said in a rush as Mom blinked in shock, “Diego’s going to be so happy! You can leave!”

Mom’s confused gaze morphed into a smile, “I suppose you are right.”

“Where did you go?”

“I went to help your brother with an investigation he’s doing,” Mom turned her back on him, continuing to pick up pillows, “We got ice cream.”

Luther’s mind went through the list of his brothers and he cocked his head in confusion, “Which brother? I was with Klaus and Diego all day.”

“Oh. It was Five.”

Luther froze.

“Five?”

“Yes.”

Luther didn’t register his own movement until he was standing in front of Mom. He grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes with desperation.

“Where is he?”

Mom smiled, “About a two hour and twenty-seven minute walking distance away. I just need to charge and then I was going to go back.”

She fluttered her eyelashes in a way that made Luther think she was playing some sort of game, “I’ll be charged in fifteen minutes.”

She moved from his grip to head over to the charging station, casually throwing over her shoulder, “You can come with me if you want.”

“Yes,” he breathed, “I want to see him.”

“Of course you do,” Mom smirked, “I already told him that.”

* * *

To her credit, Eudora barely flinched when Diego literally kicked down the door to her apartment. Instead all she did was glare at him over a massive pile of paper, and sighed, “Can you please enter my house like a normal person for once?”

Diego waved her off, “There’s no time, I need you to come with me, right now.”

Eudora scoffed, “If it’s for another one of your vigilante escapades, you better count me out. I love you, Diego, but I literally can’t stand watching you flail around like a lunatic in spandex.”

“First off, it’s not spandex, it’s leather. Second off, My brother was just kidnapped.”

Eudora stood up, her air immediately different, “Oh shit. Of course, I’ll help.”

Diego grinned, “Thank you.”

They charged down the stairs and ran towards Diego’s car, parked haphazardly in two different parking spots. 

“I’m driving,” Eudora said as Diego blanched, “Not on my watch at all.”

“Nice to know you value your car over your girlfriend.”

Diego sputtered in indignation, “That’s not what I…” He caught Eudora’s teasing smile, “Ha ha. Very funny.”

“In all seriousness, you’d probably freak out, you’re kinda a mess right now,” Eudora informed him, sliding into the driver’s seat, “Do you even know what to look for?”

Diego froze in the passenger seat, “Shit.”

“Ok, well. I’d suggest looking for the kidnappers. Did you see their faces?”

Diego scrunched up his nose, “No, they were wearing masks.”

“Any other clues?” Eudora switched on the siren as she slammed on the gas.

“They were looking for that boy. The one responsible for the Grimbel’s and Griddy’s shootouts last night.”

“Why would he be at your house?”

“No idea, but I’m starting to wonder…”

Eudora sped through a red light, barely taking her eyes off the road, “Wonder what?”

“I don’t know. The boy had an Academy tattoo and there were numbers all over the table. The ghost guy said he was fast and there were blue lights and shit. When we got there, Mom was also missing.”

Eudora squinted, “Isn’t she a robot?”

“Yes,” Diego’s eyes trailed the sidewalk, looking for his overly flamboyant brother, “Programmed to never leave the house, so why wasn’t she there?”

“That’s very suspicious.”

“I’m not even gonna touch the fact that Luther’s apparently a monkey now,” Diego said.

“Ummm,” He looked over at where Eudora was giving him the most concerned look ever, “Diego, have I told you that I love your family?”

“Why would you say that?”

She laughed, “Only the Umbrella Academy would have crazy gunmen after them, robot mothers, little boys who are possible clones, and monkey brothers.”

“When were the clones mentioned?” Diego said, admiringly.

“That’s a hypothesis,” Eudora careened down a street as Diego rolled his eyes. She laughed at him again, “It’s a good one too!”

“Sure Eudora.”

* * *

Vanya sat in the passenger seat of Allison’s expensive car, feeling completely out of place. She should’ve been able to take a blow to the head, she should’ve tried to stop the gunmen. She wasn’t good enough to be a part of this family.

“Hey,” Allison’s voice murmured, “You ok?”

She leaned her head onto her shoulder, staring out the window at the passing people, “Yea, It’s just been a stressful few days.”

She looked at her sister, whose eyes are staring at the road, “And I ran out of my anxiety meds yesterday and that Leonard guy, really freaked me out.”

Allison breathed heavily through her mouth, “I know I was drunk when you came in last night, but what I said was true. I’ll kick his ass for you.”

“Thanks, Allison.”

“No problem.”

The peaceful music that wafted through the car as Allison drove down the streets was soothing and Vanya found herself humming the tune, softly then growing steadily louder until she realized that Allison was mouthing the words to the song.

“You like this band?” She asked her sister, who turned to her, eyes gleaming, “Of course! I’ve met them and they’re the sweetest people.”

Vanya felt a surge of jealousy, but it wasn’t the old familiar ‘I’m not part of the Umbrella Academy’ jealousy, it was a sisterly-jealousy.

“You’re kidding,” She said flatly as Allison giggled, “No I’m 100% serious. They’re great!”

She lowered her voice to a whisper, “Is the drummer as cute in real life as she is in the photos?”

“Cuter,” teased her sister, “Way cuter.”

Vanya flushed  **hard,** and Allison burst into laughter, “You’re so cute, Van. If I ever see them again, I’ll take you.”

“Are you serious?”

“Absolutely!”

Vanya had never really gotten close to Allison in the academy. She’d assumed, like most people, that Allison didn’t really want to have anything to do with her. The only two people in the academy that had gone out of their way to talk to her were Five and Ben, both of them gone now. After Ben’s death, she’d left unable to go on, but also out of misplaced guilt that whoever she got close to in the academy would be ripped away.

She’d wrote that book with that in mind.

“Hey,” Allison said suddenly, “I know this is a bit sudden and all, but…” She trailed off, not continuing until she hit a red light and turned towards her sister, “Would you like to be my maid of honor?”

Vanya’s mouth dropped open, “Don’t you have someone else you’d rather…”

“No,” Allison said, definitively, “I only want you to do it.”

“I’d be honored too.” whispered Vanya, overcome with emotion.

“Fantastic,” Allison swallowed and spoke again, “I saved seats for Ben and Five, but I also saved spaces for you all to bring dates, so..”

Her eyes gleamed with mischief, “Who are you gonna sit with?”

Vanya remembered Gloria’s number written on her hand and turned redder, “I have someone in mind..”

“OH! Do tell!”

Vanya can’t remember a time she’d ever felt happier, sitting with her sister in her car, looking for their brother and laughing about crushes.

It was nice.

Outside, a high pitched whining noise like distorted keys formed and a man on the street felt them brush by his ears.

Leonard Peabody frowned in confusion before going back to his work.

* * *

Normally Ben was the level headed one out of him and Klaus. He prided himself in that, he was Klaus’ voice of reason, his angel on the shoulder, who mother-henned him and annoyed him till Klaus did whatever Ben asked.

Sometimes he even played… the dead card..

Despite what other ghosts complained about, Ben wasn’t too sad that he was dead. He’d kinda always known someone in the Academy would kick the bucket, something Five had believed too.

“Reginald’s crazy,” Five had told him, throwing up his arms, “He keeps pushing us like this and someone’s gonna die or worse.”

Ben never figured out what he meant by that, because days later, Five was gone, never to be seen again. Ben had thought that was karma, Five, always pushing himself to his limits, had finally succumbed. The only confusing part had been when Klaus told them that he couldn’t see Five, no matter how sober he was.

He only realized Klaus was right when he was dead.

Ben is currently trapped in a closet with Klaus as he hyperventilates, but honestly Ben’s not doing much better.

“Five’s alive,” He told Klaus, who manages to communicate his thoughts even with tape on his mouth,  _ This is all I’ve been hearing for the past twenty minutes, get over it.  _

“We need to get out of here,” Ben informed Klaus, who gives him the most sarcastic look he’d ever seen, “We need to warn him that those people are after him.”

Klaus says something, but Ben can’t really hear it, considering Klaus’ mouth is taped shut. He’d never figured out much about ghost physics but he stuck his head outside the door, only to be met with nothing.

“There’s no one out here, both of those guys are gone.”

Klaus nodded angrily, a fire in his eyes. Ben relished his brother’s sobriety for a full ten seconds before coming up with a plan, “Ok. I have an idea.”

Klaus met his eyes and Ben realized that his brother is  **scared.**

“It’s ok, Klaus,” Ben reassured him, “This plan will..”

He broke off and both he and Klaus turned towards the sound of a vacuum cleaner. Immediately Klaus began letting out muffled screams and sobbing. Attempting to help, Ben stuck his head out of the closet door and then informed Klaus, “There’s a woman outside. She’s cleaning, but she has headphones in.”

Klaus squinted and shuffled in his seat, Ben blinked slowly, “Slam your head.”

The look on Klaus’ face is literally the embodiment of a question mark, but Ben pushed on, “Hit your head against the closet doors.”

So Klaus does. And it worked.

Klaus (and Ben) go sprawling out onto the floor in front of that poor cleaning lady, whose eyes bulge out of her head and she ran over to pick Klaus off the floor. Ben smirked. The woman quickly ripped the tape off of Klaus’ mouth and he thanked her. Klaus then scrambled towards the briefcase on the bed, ignoring the woman telling him to go to the hospital. He swiped the briefcase and rushed out the door, leaving a completely baffled cleaning lady behind him, watching the trail of blood and sweat he left in his wake.

Ben found himself, sitting near Klaus on a city bus, as Klaus gripped the briefcase in his arms, muttering, “Please be money, please be money.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be sober for Allison’s wedding? Plus she said, no drugs in the house,” Ben reminded him. Klaus, very maturely, stuck his tongue out at his ghost brother, “They said that this briefcase was important, there must be money or something in here.”

Klaus gave a shout of triumph when he managed to get the latch undone, but his shout is cut off by a blue flash and Ben is suddenly alone.

“Klaus?”

“KLAUS?”

* * *

Luther had never been exactly close with Five before he disappeared. Sure, they were brothers and Luther respected Five’s drive to succeed and be an arrogant little shit, but they weren’t exactly  _ close.  _ But once Five had disappeared, Luther’s feelings towards him had changed, a lot. 

He’d watched his family shatter, Vanya, who had already been shut out was isolated even more, Diego grew angrier, trying to be the spark of rebellion that Five always made look so natural, Klaus became even more afraid of the ghosts, believing that someday he’d see Five among them, Allison had become more spoiled, trying to avoid the same thing that happened to Five and Ben was never the same, Five the only person who made him relax and come out of his comfort zone.

So, although Luther hadn’t felt the loss as much as some of his siblings, over the years he’d come to love Five in his own way. 

An explosion went off and Luther jumped, the sound reminding him of that horrible mission where his life had been altered forever.

Mom took his hand and led him toward the smoke pillar in the sky, his heart beating so loud he could hear it in his ears. As their pace picked up, Luther started to wonder, What would his brother look like? What would he act like? Would he even want to see Luther, with his body all messed up?

Mom stopped and he almost crashed into her, something that would’ve knocked her over if he hadn’t spotted her. He skidded to a halt and found himself looking at the front part of a burning building.

“Five!” called Mom, a slight worry in her voice and Luther took a second to realize,  _ Oh god, Five was in the building. _

“FIVE!” He shouted, his voice booming, so much louder than Mom’s. She was looking back and forth and calling his missing brother’s name and Luther can’t breathe.

Five had just gotten back and if Luther had to pull his missing brother’s body out of the flames, he’d surely break.

Then out of the corner of his eye, he spotted movement. A small shape, pulling itself up off the floor, covered in dust and ash and the figure met Luther’s eyes..

It’s Five.

He looked the exact same.  _ The exact same. _ Luther felt like blacking out.

Then there’s a small body wrapped in his arms and he doesn’t even know how he got there, but Luther can’t imagine letting go. Five wasn’t moving and for a brief horrible moment, Luther thought. 

_ Oh god, I crushed him. _

Then he felt two small arms wrap around his, and squeeze back. And Luther breathed.

After some indeterminate amount of time, Luther pulled away and Five did too. They stared at each other, before Five started laughing.

Luther kept staring as his younger,  _ younger  _ brother laughed like he’s never laughed before and eventually calmed down enough to look at Luther again.

“I think I broke my wrist.” 

Luther blinked once. twice, three times.

“Shit, Did I do that?” 

Which sent Five into another wave of laughter that Luther was beyond happy to listen to.

* * *

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Diego marched back up the steps of Allison’s house as an utter failure, returning with nothing. Eudora had promised him that she would keep looking, but that it was getting late and he needed some sleep if he wanted to find Klaus. Diego isn’t an idiot though and he knew that after an abduction the first forty-eight hours are the most vital, so why?

Why did Eudora send him back to Allison’s?

“Diego!” called a voice and he turned to see Vanya and Allison following him up the steps, “Any luck?”

He shook his head and watched the hopeful look on their faces fall and felt bad for stepping on their hopes.

“I’m sorry,” He told them, but aimed his gaze at Vanya, hoping she’d get the message. Her lip quirked up and she nodded, accepting the apology.

“Well,” Allison said, tiredly, “Luther should be here already.” 

She pulled out a key and opened the door, only to be hit with the strong smell of coffee and the sound of several voices, talking. Exchanging a glance with her siblings, she walked into her house to almost immediately run into her fiance.

Patrick scowled at her and Diego felt confused, Why was he mad?

“You didn’t tell me your little brother was such a dick,” He said, only confusing the three of them more.

Vanya spoke up first, “We were all born on the same day. We don’t have any little siblings.”

“Then who the hell is Luther talking to in the living room?” Patrick asked, his eyebrow raising.

The three of them glanced at each other and rushed off to the living room, where they could hear the voices.

“I’m telling you that coffee is the only thing that keeps me sane anymore.”

“Coffee doesn’t taste like anything, fruit tea is pretty good, you should try it.”

“I need something stronger than  _ fruit tea  _ to get through the absolute bullshit that is my life.”

“Language.”

“I’m not a  _ child,  _ Mom, stop saying that.”

“Sorry, sweetheart.”

“What’s going on?” Diego asked, stepping into the room, his two sisters behind him. The first thing he spotted was Mom? She was sitting cross-legged on a loveseat with a small teacup in her hands and she gave him a little wave. 

The next thing was the hulking figure of Luther, another teacup in his hands which looked absolutely hilarious compared to the rest of his body. He looked up from the last person sitting on the couch when they walked in.

The final thing was the last person on the couch, turning around when they entered, a coffee mug in one hand and a smirk on their face.

“Five?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Five gets reunions with the remaining siblings and they will all be out-of-character and involve lots of hugs, tears and head pats because I am a sap for tearful, emotional reunions and although the canon one is hilarious, after seeing all the shit this family goes through, I think they all need a good hug and a happy reunion.
> 
> I know no one will argue with me, and I don’t know what to do with this power.


	5. Number Five (and Other Mysteries)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eudora’s gonna flip”
> 
> “Eudora?”
> 
> “His girlfriend.”
> 
> “Who’d want to date someone who walks around in that?” 
> 
> “Well, Maybe Eudora has good taste.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My two favorite characters to write get to finally meet in this chapter and their section of dialogue ended up a lot longer than originally intended but i have no regrets.

In the end, all of the Hargreeves involved will say a different person moved first. Five would say it was him, Diego would say it was Vanya, Vanya would say it was Five, and Allison would say it was Vanya. But in reality, it was actually Allison who moved first, taking a small stumbling step towards Five before all hell broke loose.

It all started with Five, (of course) chucking his coffee mug behind him and jumping over the couch, charging at his siblings. Vanya meeting him in the middle and the two smaller Hargreeves crashed into each other in a tangle of limbs and fell onto the floor. Vanya’s hand was in Five’s hair and she cradled him in her arms, pushing her face into his shoulder. He wrapped his good arm around her and squeezed. Allison was the next to join in, her pace more subdued but still quick. She sank next to the utter catastrophe that was happening on the floor and began hugging Vanya and by extension, Five. Diego was the last one to join the pile on the floor, his attempt to keep up his bad boy persona fading as he got closer, falling onto Five’s back and holding his brother tightly.

They stayed that way for a long time before Diego finally let go, releasing his brother, his eyes red and teary and went over to Grace.

Vanya is the first one to talk, liftingher head off Five’s shoulder to look at him, tears falling off her face, “How.. why.. how… How old are you?”

Five smiled, sad and full of emotion, “I’ll explain it in a second, just,” He paused awkwardly, glancing at Luther, “I.. “

“You're hurt!” Allison gasped, lifting his hand, which is wrapped in a makeshift splint and Five nodded, “Yea, I am. But it’s nothing.”

He pulled his hand away from Allison with a grimace and she softly took his other one, tears dripping off her nose.

“It’s not nothing,” Vanya protested, “Five..”

He looked at her with bewilderment. “You're hurt and I haven’t seen you in a long time,” She continued, “What happened?”

Allison gently let go of Vanya and stood, shakily but determined. Vanya followed suit and finally, Five pulled himself off the floor, turning and collapsing onto the couch. Vanya quickly took the spot to his left and Allison to his right and Diego sat next to Luther on the opposite couch. Mom got up from her place on the loveseat and rummaged around the kitchen before coming back with a mug of coffee, which she handed to Five.

He took it and stared into the liquid, waiting.

Diego, always the boldest, went first, “Where did you go?”

“The future, it’s shit by the way.”

Luther goes next, ‘What does that mean, Five? You can’t dance around the question. We’re your family and we.. deserve to know what happened.”

Five closed his eyes and breathed, slow, “The future. There is none. It all ends April 1st, 2019. The apocalypse. End of times. Absolute destruction.”

He chuckled, long and painful, “When I left, back in 2002,” He waved a hand idly, “I jumped forwards in time, all the way there.”

“Oh god,” breathed Allison and Vanya simply took Five’s hand, trying to be reassuring. Five inhaled shakily and began again, “I saw you there.. Your bodies…” He broke off, unable to finish.

Allison took him and wrapped him in another hug, tears dripping faster now. Five doesn’t speak for a bit, leaning into his sister quietly.

“I was there for almost forty-five years,” Five told them, his voice soft, “I tried to get back, I really did. But turns out, it’s a lot easier to go forward than back.”

He held his unbroken hand out in front of his face, gazing at it, “I must’ve messed up the equations somewhere. Made myself age regress. Delores was right, as usual. I made a mistake.”

“Delores?” Vanya asked gently

“His mannequin friend,” Mom piped up from where she was sitting, “She likes red velvet ice cream.”

Five scowled at the floor but replied begrudgingly, “She does like red velvet.”

“Wait, wait,” Luther raised his hands, waving them back and forth, “Are you saying that.. You're fifty-eight?”

“No,” Five sounded like he thought Luther was being idiotic, which was familiar enough to relax him, “That means, my conscious is fifty-eight. I’m actually thirteen, but..” He cocked his head and then sighed, “It’s hard to explain.”

“It makes no sense,” Diego agreed and Five smirked, “It would if you were smarter.”

Mom had to put her hands on Diego’s shoulders and shove him back down in order to stop him from literally kicking the shit out of Five.

Five’s shit-eating grin grew wider, “You wouldn’t punch an elderly man, Diego, would you? Or a kid, who can’t fight back? That’s just insensitive.”

Diego glowered at Five, who simply smiled innocently back.

Seeming to come to some sort of realization, Five’s eyes widened, “Oh my god, I’m gonna go through puberty twice.”

“That’s bullshit, Five,” Diego growled as Five pulled himself out of his existential crisis, “If you can’t fight at all, then tell me more about the shootouts at Griddy’s and Grimbel’s and what about those two masked psychopaths?”

Five’s face changed to be more serious, “Hazel and Cha-Cha? What about them?”

“You know those guys?”

Five scrunched up his nose in disgust, “Old co-workers of mine, They’re violent and annoying to talk to. Also they’re trying to kill me so that’s not good.”

“I’m sorry,” Allison said, her voice rising to a higher pitch, “Co-Workers? What about the apocalypse?”

Taking a sip of his coffee, Five nodded, “Yes, that. At one point, I worked for this time-traveling assassin agency called the Commission. Their job is to impose the timeline on people who make choices that deviate, free-will and stuff. They do this by killing them.”

Vanya let go of Five’s hand and looked into his eyes, “You killed people?”

“It was the only way to get back here. Besides, don’t act like you’re all saints, I know you guys killed criminals too, as the Academy.”

Diego’s lip is curled up in fury and he spat at Five, “What about Griddy’s and Grimbel’s ?”

“I don’t know what happened at Griddy’s!” Five borderline shouted, “I was just trying to get coffee! Then those guys came in and I lost control of the situation.”

“Oh my god,” Diego muttered distantly, “My brother’s a wanted criminal.”

“Please, tell me something I don’t know.”

“Eudora’s gonna flip”

“Eudora?”

“His girlfriend,” Allison told a very confused Five, who rolled his eyes.

“Who’d want to date someone who walks around in that?” He gestured to Diego’s vigilante outfit, making Luther choke on the tea he was sipping.

Making a weird growling noise, Diego stalked up to Five, getting into his face, “Maybe Eudora has good taste.”

Five simply raised a sharp eyebrow and took a slow sip of his coffee. Diego stood up and took a deep breath, and walked away from Five back to Mom’s side.

Luther shuffled awkwardly and spoke up, “So.. Did you guys find Klaus?”

“No, we didn’t,” Allison sighed, “We have no way to figure out where he went, either.”

“Klaus is missing?” Five asked, rearranging himself on the couch, “When did this happen?”

“Your two friends kidnapped him last night,” Diego said aggressively.

Five blinked, “Well, then you should check motels. That’s Commission protocol. They’re probably in a motel.”

Vanya swallowed and quietly spoke, “How long do we have before they hurt him?”

“Not long,”replied Five, looking longingly at the bar, “They’ll torture him for information and then keep him as a hostage to try to lure me out.”

“Torture?!”

“Uh huh.”

Diego stood up, immediately, “We have to find him. Right now.”

He turned and began to walk out the door, Allison frowned, “Where are you going?”

“To look for Klaus. I don’t want him to go through that.”

“Well, you aren’t going alone,” Allison glared at him, “Luther, go with him.”

Luther pointed at himself in confusion, “Me?”

“Yes, you. Go with Diego and make sure he doesn’t do stupid stuff.”

Luther sighed in exhaustion, but stood up and followed Diego out the door. Five turned towards Allison with a dry look on his face, “The two of them combined have about half a brain cell, do you really think that’s such a good idea?”

“Of course not,” Allison scoffed as Vanya silently took Five’s hand again, “But Diego needs this and I don’t think we have beds big enough for Luther to fit.”

Five snorted in surprise amusement, giving Allison an odd sense of nostalgia.

She smiled at him, “I missed you, Five.”

“I missed you too, Allison.”

* * *

The sun shone over the horizon, the clacking of the wheels on the bus going round and round. A woman sat in a seat, gazing at her newspaper when suddenly a blue flash ripped her newspaper away from her face. She picked it up gingerly and found herself face to face with a man.

He was wearing an army jacket and clutching a briefcase, his hands were covered in blood. Tears fell down his face and he was shaking with emotion, “Dave.”

He stumbled out of the bus, sobbing and shaking and eventually he collapsed onto the floor. Attempting to dig through the bricks on the floor in desperation, Klaus repeated Dave’s name over and over.

When his tears turned to rage, Klaus turned onto the briefcase that had brought him so much joy and pain and swung at it. Smashing the thing into the floor, Klaus screamed curses at the sky and his legs buckled underneath him. The briefcase lit up into flames. Barely registering the floor beneath him, Klaus carefully found his footing and forced each foot in front of the other, managing to make it all the way to Allison’s house, before Ben appeared.

“Klaus!”

“Hey Ben,” Klaus said, carefully opening the door and stumbling down the hall.

Ben’s brow furrowed, “Are you ok, Klaus?”

“Peachy.”

Klaus stopped at the entrance to the living room, spotting a pile of bodies curled up together. He could see Allison’s curly hair over the top of the couch and someone leaning over her.

Click.

“Mom?” Klaus asked, spotting his mom standing there. She turned and saw him, her eyes twinkling.

“Hello Klaus!” She said, wrapping him in a hug, “You don’t look well.”

“Well, you know,” Klaus grinned though it’s forced, “The… drugs. Anyway, what are you doing?”

“Getting blackmail.”

Startled, Klaus laughed and Mom gently adjusted his jacket, taking note of all the blood on his hands.

“Why don’t you get cleaned up and I’ll make you some breakfast, ok?” She suggested and Klaus can’t help but smile, “Yea.. yea.. I’ll do that.”

She spun around on her heel and headed into the kitchen. Klaus, barely even in the moment, floated towards the bathroom.

He set up the warm bath, dumping all the bath salts into the water and pulled off his clothes, settling down in the bath. He barely paid attention to what Ben was saying, until Ben literally floated through the bath to stand in front of him.

“Dude what is wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” Klaus mumbled, sinking down into the water, “I’m fine.”

“You aren’t,” Ben insisted, “You literally disappeared in a blue flash and were gone for almost ten hours. I know! I counted! God, Klaus… I was scared.. I was so scared for you! I waited for your ghost to pop out of the floor!”

“I’m sorry, Ben,” Klaus said, sincerely, “I.. I’m sorry I scared you. I’m really sorry,” He raised his arms and then seemed to realize Ben was dead and couldn’t give him a hug, letting his arms fall back into the water.

Ben gave him a sad smile, “I’d hug you if I could.”

Klaus rolled his eyes but didn’t make any more jokes at Ben’s expense, eventually closing his eyes and soaking in the bath water.

After a while, Klaus’ eyes snapped open, “Shit!”

“What is it?”

“Five!”

Ben’s ghostly eyes widened, “What about him?”

“Those guys are after him, We have to tell the others!”

“And you didn’t remember this sooner?”

“It’s been ten months! I can’t keep track of this bullshit”

Ben gaped at him, “Ten months?”

“Yep,” Klaus tried unsuccessfully to pull his pants on, “Do you know what this means, Ben?”

“What?’’

Klaus met Ben’s eyes with a grin, “Due to time travel, I’m now the oldest Hargreeves!”

“Get your priorities in order, asshole,” Ben’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

Just as Klaus pulled on his army jacket, there was a knock on the bathroom door. Both Ben and Klaus turned to look at the door, one in fear, the other, annoyance.

“In a minute!” Klaus screamed through the door and the person on the other side was quiet for a second before answering in a questioning voice.

“Klaus?”

It was an unfamiliar voice, one Klaus couldn’t place, but since he was probably taking up this person’s bathroom time, he opened the door.

And it was Five, with incredibly messy hair and dented clothes and a wrist splint. He blinked up blearily at Klaus (and Ben).

“When did you get back?” He asked Klaus, who just stood in the door, staring.

“Do you see little Number Five,” Klaus asked Ben, “Or is that just me?”

“I can see other ghosts, Klaus,” Ben muttered, ‘I’m dead.”

Klaus gently reached for Five’s shoulders, hands shaking. When he hit something solid, that was all it took. Five was instantly crushed in his (technically) younger brother’s grip. Five reached one of his small hands up and patted Klaus on the head like he was awkwardly patting a dog.

“I knew it,” Klaus told Ben, who laughed.

“I knew you weren’t dead,” He said to Five, who scoffed in response, “Like I can die.”

That’s the Five I know, Klaus snickered to himself as Five pulled away, smirking.

“Klaus.”

“Yes, little bro?”

Five frowned at that but pushed on, “I need to get in there.” He pointed to the bathroom.

“Of course, little man,” Klaus grinned, “I’ll be in the kitchen, eating Mom’s food.”

Five’s face wrinkled at ‘little man,’ but he nodded, “Then I’ll be there soon.”

Klaus nodded and moved out of his brother’s way, scurrying to the hallway with Ben in tow. It was surreal, seeing Five there and real. Klaus wouldn’t lie and say he hadn’t hallucinated Five in his drug hazes, telling him how he’d died. All the ways more ridiculous than the last, smacked with a piñata stick, falling into a shower drain, and Klaus’ personal favorite, choking on a Twinkie.

Dave had laughed at the Twinkie one and then asked why they still had those in the future. Klaus had told him that Twinkies could survive a nuclear war and Dave had rolled his eyes and said…

He shook himself out of the memories and turned to more pressing matters

From Ben’s face he could see his dead brother was also having a similar crisis. Though probably not with the Twinkies.

“Ben,” he muttered as he headed down towards the kitchen, “You good?”

“He looks the same,” Ben sighed, “And when he was standing in the doorway, I thought for a moment..”

“That he was dead?”

“That someone else could see me.”

“Oh.”

The silence that forced itself down on them is awkward to say the least and they don’t speak again until they reach the kitchen where Mom is cooking food.

“Hi Mom.” Klaus said, sliding into a seat as she looked at him, “Hello sweetheart. Are you ok?”

“I…. yea.”

“You know,” She said, her back to him, “Diego and Luther left to go find you last night. They were very worried.”

“They did? They are?”

“Of course!” Mom said perkily, “They’re your siblings, aren’t they?”

“Oh, yes,” Klaus felt sheepish, “They are.”

Behind him there’s a small thwip, and the familiar smell of ozone as Five teleported into the room. Klaus inhaled deeply, willing to admit he’d missed the smell.

“Good morning, Five!” Mom said as Five jumped into the seat next to Klaus.

Five made a ‘gimme’ motion with his hands towards the coffee maker and replied, “Good morning.”

Mom handed him a mug of coffee with a flourish and turned back to the eggs. Klaus picked up a fork and awkwardly twisted a napkin in his hands. After all, how do you talk to your little brother who’s been gone for eleven years?

“So,” Five said, setting down his mug and looking up at Klaus, “Where -or should I say, when- did you go?

Klaus blinked stupidly at him and Five raised his little eyebrow disapprovingly, “Come one, Klaus. I’m not stupid. The jet-lag, the feeling that cotton’s been shoved up your nose into your brain? That’s time-travel. So I’m asking you again, when did you go?”

Feeling like a rabbit under his brother’s hawk-like gaze, Klaus stammered out, “1968. For ten months.”

“Vietnam,” breathed Five, “Shit, Klaus.”

“Language, young man!” Klaus snapped in his best ‘big brother’ voice, missing Five’s eye roll.

“I’m fifty-fucking-eight years old, Klaus, don’t ‘young man’ me or I’ll consider fratricide.”

“You’re what?” Klaus and Ben say at the same time

“Fifty-eight,” Five’s face was completely deadpan, “years old.”

“But,” Klaus stammered, “You're a munchkin?”

“I will shoot you where you stand.”

Klaus sputtered a couple of words before Five gave him another look, “Time travel stuff, Klaus.”

“So you’re like..an older guy in a young kid’s body?”

“Yes.”

“Like a gender-swapped Freaky Friday!”

“I have no idea what that is.”

Klaus gasped in outrage, “My own brother doesn’t know what Freaky Friday is?”

“To be fair, I haven’t been here in a really long time,” Five said, looking slightly interested, “You’ll have to show me after the apocalypse is averted.”

“Apocalypse?” Klaus’ voice broke in a very annoyingly high-pitched way. Mom stopped cooking and handed him a cup of water, which he gingerly took from her.

“Yea, you missed my whole explanation,” Five looked really anywhere but Klaus’ face, “but that’s what I was doing for those eleven years for you.Thirty for me. “

“Causing the apocalypse?”

“No, dumbass, surviving it.”

“Oh.”

“Yea, oh.”

Five took his fork and started stabbing it into the table, not really looking at Klaus or Mom or anyone. Ben let out a long breath, (do ghosts need to breathe?) and said the exact words on Klaus’ mind.

“Fuck.”

Klaus nodded to himself, wondering how Dave would react to his brother in the apocalypse. Thinking about Dave.. hurt.. A lot. But his brother in the apocalypse.. That was bad too..

Recalling an earlier conversation with Dave, Klaus blurted, “Did the Twinkies survive?”

Ben slapped his own forehead with his hand as Five turned very slowly to look at him.

“No, they didn’t!”

“Seriously? They’re supposed to like.. Be able to survive a nuke!”

“Well, I ate one and threw up for three whole hours, so that is false!”

“I’m beyond shocked that the Twinkies didn’t survive. Those little things are gifts from God.”

Mom listened to their stupid banter and flipped an egg with a smile.

* * *

Vanya woke up with a crick in her neck and a sore back, but floating on top of the world. Five was back! She turned over sleepily to greet him, where he should be curled up near her, but felt only cold.

Shit.

She jumped to her feet and grabbed Allison’s shoulders, shaking her back and forth until her sister’s eyes fluttered open, “Wha?”

“We lost Five again!!”

Allison quickly stood up and shouted, “HOW MANY MEMBERS OF THIS FAMILY ARE GOING TO GO MISSING?”

“I DON”T KNOW!”

The two of them raced towards the kitchen, stopping at the scene in front of them. Klaus and Five were seated at Allison’s kitchen bar, with an amused looking Patrick in between them. Mom was holding something out in her hand and showing Patrick. In front of all three of them were eggs and bacon, positioned into smiley faces.

“Patrick?” Allison asked, her fiance turning around with a smile.

“Five!” Vanya ran over to give him another hug, “I was worried!”

She turned to Klaus with a surprised look, “Klaus! You're ok!”

She then wrapped him in a hug too, while Allison walked over to Patrick, giving him a small peck on the cheek.

“What are you guys doing?” She asked Mom, who lifted the thing she was showing Patrick with a grin that gave nothing away.

The small thing was a photo of a young girl with big wide eyes and soft curly hair. Her eyes gleamed and she gave the person taking the photo a smile filled with love and admiration only capable of a child. A small label was written on the corner which was ‘Number Three, Age 2’

“Baby photos?” murmured Allison, covering her mouth with a gasp, “Oh my.. god.”

Patrick placed his hand on her back and rubbed it, softly, “You were one cute-ass baby.”

Allison laughed and looked at the photo, “Yea, I was.. Wasn’t I?”

“I bet Klaus was an annoying baby,” Five said his voice teasing, but Mom interjected, “Actually according to my files, you were, Five.”

Klaus started cackling as poor Five looked like he was about to shut down. Mom nodded and seemed to think for a second, “The files say that Number Five couldn’t control his teleportation as a baby so it was impossible to track him down to care for him.”

Five’s face looked as though he’s going through several different crisis at once and Vanya gave him a sympathetic pat.

Klaus snorted affectionately, “You ok there, old man?”

“I just can’t imagine myself as a child at all, it’s weird,” Five said, sipping his coffee with disgust.

Patrick met Klaus’ eyes and mouthed, He does know, he’s a child? Right?

Klaus shrugged, I have no idea man. I’m just going with it.

Five glared at Patrick, “Your coffee sucks, by the way. You need better taste.”

“Five!” Mom said, outraged, “Don’t be rude.”

“I’m just telling him the truth.”

Allison giggled at Patrick’s misery. “We’ll get better coffee tomorrow, Five. When we go shopping.”

“Shopping?” Klaus said, eyes widening. Vanya shifted in her seat, looking slightly excited.

Allison’s grin widened, “Of course! We still have a wedding to go to after all.”

“I wasn’t invited,” Five told her with another sip of his coffee, Patrick looked slightly relieved at that but his face sunk down again as Allison told Five that he had saved seats for him and Ben, “out of nostalgia.”

Vanya leaned over to Klaus to whisper something into his ear, “I think Patrick’s afraid of Five.”

Klaus eyed Patrick as he moved around the table, side eyeing Five the entire time.

“I’m definitely using this against him, later,” Klaus told Vanya with a chaotic grin.

She sighed with affection, “I have no doubt you will.”

* * *

Diego was on the edge of insanity at this point, crammed into a car with Luther. The car was hot and stifling although Diego knew that however hot he was feeling Luther was probably feeling it worse than he was, wrapped up in all that clothing.

“You know you don’t have to wear all that shit anymore,” Diego told his brother with a sigh, “We all know now. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is,” Luther says quietly, “I don’t want… I don’t feel.”

He swallowed softly, “Comfortable with it.”

Diego can feel a small burst of sympathy for his brother and he asked the question that had been on his mind since he’d seen Luther’s body.

“What happened, Luther?”

Luther stopped what he was doing and fell silent, “It was a mission.”

“He still sent you on those, all alone?”

“Yes,” Luther admitted, “But normally they went fine, this was the only one that went wrong.”

“Bullshit, Luther!” Diego snapped at his idiotic brother, “You could’ve died on those missions, all alone! There’s a reason we all went together.”

Luther shuffled his feet and softly mumbled, “I didn’t think about the danger. I just… “

“You just wanted him to be proud of you,” finished Diego.

“Yea,” Luther turned towards the stairs to the upper level of the motel, “Something like that.”

Diego chased him up the stairs, shouting, “Don’t you think we all wanted that, Luther? But once we realized that he’d never give it, we left! We grew up! Five might’ve been trapped in hell, but he knew it too!”

Luther froze and turned slowly to look at his brother, his face full of hurt and outrage, “ I just..thought.”

“Sending you by yourself into danger without backup is wrong, Luther.” Diego said, plainly and simply.

“He was going to send me to the moon.”

“What?”

Luther’s eyes are big and sad as he looked at Diego, on the verge of tears, “He was going to send me to the moon. I was going to leave in a couple of months, before..” He trailed off, looking at his body, “I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go, but..”

“Why.” Diego said, point-blank, “Why would he send you up there? Because he cares about your childhood dreams? No Luther, he just wanted to get rid of you.”

Luther frowned, his eyes sadder than Diego had ever thought Number One capable of.

“I guess you could be right.”

“Come on, there’s a couple more motels down the road,” Diego put his hand on his brother’s back, leading him away, “We need to keep looking.”

The bags under their eyes look like bruises, but Diego and Luther pile into the car with determination. Then, Diego’s radio turned on.

“Diego?”

“Eudora!,” Diego said happily, “What’s up?”

“Allison just called me to ask if you were at my house,” Eudora said, ‘She wanted me to tell you that Klaus came back to the house and he’s ok.”

Diego and Luther looked at each other in bewilderment, “He’s at the house?”

“Yea,” Eudora sounded amused, “Allison wants you guys there, because she’s got a wedding to plan and- I’m quoting her here- all that assassin bullshit can wait till after she’s thrown the most kickass wedding ever.”

“Sounds like Allison,” drawled Diego, pulling out of the parking lot, “We’re heading over.”

The click of the line going dead is the last sound in the car. Until, Luther set his hand on Diego’s shoulder, more gently than normal, “Thanks for talking with me, Diego.”

“No problem man, Just get your hand off me when I’m driving.”

Luther pulled back like he’d just been burned and Diego laughed all the way back to the house.

* * *

Hazel slowly shoved another doughnut in his mouth as he watched Cha-Cha curse up a storm, pacing up and down the room.

“Hazel, stop eating food and help me find that goddamn junkie.”

“Give it up, Cha-Cha,” Hazel said impassively, “The junkie went home and probably back to Number Five. He’s probably gonna come for our heads now.”

“We can take him,” scoffed Cha-Cha.

“Unless he brings his whole family with him,” pointed out Hazel.

“Shit,” Cha-Cha muttered, letting her hands fall down, “We really messed this one up, Hazel.”

“Indeed.”

Cha-Cha looked at Hazel with acceptance, “We’re going to have to admit failure aren’t we?”

“Most likely.”

“Damnit..”

Both of them fell silent as the oppressive air of failure encompassed the room. Hazel and Cha-Cha had never felt it before. So when the room’s walls changed to sepia both chalked it up to their failure.

Until there was a knock at the door.

“Hello!” sang a female voice, knocking at their door, “Anyone home?”

Cha-Cha and Hazel exchanged a nervous and knowing look before Cha-Cha went to open the door, letting in the Handler.

She swung her bag as she flicked Cha-Cha’s nose affectionately and plopped herself down on the bed. Cracking open a can of soda, she waited for an explanation.

“I know you must be mad at us,” Cha-Cha started but the Handler laughed.

“Mad? I’m not mad at you,” She giggled, “Just a bit disappointed. But not mad.”

Licking his lips, Hazel looked at Cha-Cha, “Why aren’t you?”

“We still have seven years,” The Handler said, “Seven years to get this apocalypse rolling. Seven years to drive the Hargreeves apart. Anything can happen in that small amount of time. After all, free will and such.”

“But!” She said brightly, “There is one factor we need to get rid of! Our only one that can change this! Number Five! And when I send you two to right this wrong, you fail!”

She laughed again, digging into a bag of Doritos, “I’m disappointed but not surprised. So I wrote a contingency plan up for you two to execute. I want you to deliver these!”

She set two letters on the bed with a flourish. Hazel and Cha-Cha glanced at each other.

“With all due respect, Handler.” Hazel started, “We’re assassins, not mailmen.”

The Handler set a Dorito in her mouth and crunched on it loudly, “I think you’ve lost the right to protest against my plans, Hazel. This is the only way to redeem yourselves in my eyes.”

She stood up with a smile, “Deliver these letters to their addresses and come back here and I’ll give you a briefcase and we’ll be on our merry way!”

Hazel and Cha-Cha looked at each other and nodded, What could go wrong?

* * *

As they pulled up to the familiar gates of the Umbrella Academy, he was once again struck by how silent it looked.

His Master strode up to the building, like he owned the place, which technically he did, but still loads more confident than Pogo was.

Sitting in the handle of the front door was a letter that his Master ignored, letting it fall to the floor. It fell at the feet of Pogo, who picked it up, ready to read more fan mail towards the children but stopped at the name on the receiver.

“Master, it’s addressed to you.”

Reginald Hargreeves stopped and turned to look at Pogo with a blank look on his face.

“Well then, give it here!”

* * *

Leonard Peabody was a resentful person. He always had been, holding it all in until he exploded in anger. That’s just how he’d always been.

Spending his time burning Allison Hargreeves’ movie posters was a representation of this. He had been happy to find this wood shop, with all the tools that he needed to take his revenge in small ways, but it was starting to not be enough for him.

He’d read Vanya Hargreeves’ book so much that he felt like he knew her intimately. He was her. Born on the same day but completely ordinary, shoved to the side.

He’d seen her and tried to talk to her, but he feared that he’d just scared her away. His only way into the Academy and he’d wasted it.

“Fuck.”

As he slammed his hand onto the table, he spotted a white envelope on the table that his landlord must’ve brought in. He sighed, turning away from it until he spotted the name.

“Harold Jenkins.”

And Leonard reached for the letter, curiosity peaked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ends Phase One (out of Two) of this Fic!! Originally I had bigger plans for the Commission but i couldn’t for the life of me figure out how they would fit into the plot. So we get these three assholes as the villains again.
> 
> Yes i’m counting Pogo because he pisses me off. He’s an enabler and although i know he had his reasons for staying loyal to Reggie, it still frustrates me a lot.
> 
> So I don’t like him very much. I cared more that the house was destroyed than his death in canon. (and of course, Grace who I cried about)


	6. The Day that Wasn't (a Total Disaster)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wait till you meet Pogo, you’ll flip your shit.”
> 
> “Pogo?”
> 
> “Our monkey butler.”
> 
> “What the fuck?”
> 
> “I agree with you on that one man. It’s fucking weird.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a break chapter to lead into the next part. I'm sorry it's not more exciting lmao!

When Diego and Luther pulled up to Allison’s house, the last noises they expected to hear were the drawling notes of ‘Toxic’, blasting through her door. 

“What the fuck,” were the only words Diego could find to place the current situation. 

Luther let out a long-suffering sigh, “At least we know Klaus is ok now.”

Diego marched like a man on a mission up the stairs with Luther quietly tagging along behind him. He raised his hand to rap on the door, but was startled when Patrick opened it before he could.

“Oh good, some sane people,” Patrick said looking like a disheveled mess. Luther took that opportunity to ‘subtly’ glance at Diego’s outfit.

“What the hell’s going on?” Diego asked Patrick, who ran his hands through his hair.

“Klaus discovered that the scary little one hasn’t heard a lot of music or something? Then he and Allison started arguing about whether Toxic was a good way to start initiating him and Vanya was like, “Sure do whatever.” and now Toxic’s been playing for about thirteen minutes straight.”

Diego elected to ignore the fact that Patrick had just called Five, “the scary little one” and decided to just nod, “Klaus likes that song way too much to be natural.”

Patrick found it in him to laugh, “Allison always said her family was bizarre, but I just I never really knew just how weird..”

“Wait till you meet Pogo,” Diego told him calmly, giving his shoulder a pat, “You’ll flip your shit.”

“Pogo?”

“Our monkey butler,” Luther informed him blandly as Patrick’s mouth completely fell open..

“What the fuck?”

“I agree with you on that one man, “ Diego told him with a nod, “It’s fucking weird.”

Luther sighed and gently stepped past Diego and Patrick, heading towards the living room. Diego smiled at Patrick, “You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into. Welcome to the Hargreeves family, Patrick.”

Diego almost laughed at the flash of fear on Patrick’s face. But Patrick stood up and puffed his chest and grinned, “I can handle it, Diego.”

“I’m glad,” Diego said cheekily, “Because at this point, You’ve invited us into your house and that is a death wish.”

Patrick slowly nodded again and took a step away from Diego, spinning around and heading towards the living room, Diego close behind.

When they get to the living room, it’s chaos. Klaus is on top of the coffee table, dancing like a madman and singing Toxic absolutely terribly. He’s stepping around a completely unbothered Five, who has the exact face of someone who has seen the worst things in existence and nothing beats the moment he is living in. Five locked eyes with Diego as he walked in and took a slow, methodical drink of his coffee. It’s bizarre to see him, but on the same note, every time he does, Diego felt an intense wave of relief. Just knowing one of his siblings that had been gone for a long time was ok, it made him way more happy then he wanted to admit.

Diego didn’t see Luther in the living room and presumed that he had gone to see Allison and Vanya. So he plopped down near Five and looked up at where Klaus was doing some rather  _ interesting  _ moves and grinned, “Hey Klaus, I’m glad you’re ok.”

Klaus stopped his dancing and struck a pose, “Thank you! My escape from those two guys was very dramatic, you would’ve loved it.”

“I still can’t believe they would do something so stupid,” Five said, “They’re supposed to be some of the best, besides me of course.”

“Geez, old man. Get your ego in check,” Klaus teased as Five scowled, “It’s not ego, It's a fact, Klaus.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely,” Five said in a definitive voice, “The Commission doesn’t let just anyone kill JFK.”

“Wait, what?”

Five took a sip, far too calmly for what he had just revealed, and nodded, “I was just finishing up the JFK assassination when I figured out the time travel equations.”

“Five, what the absolute fuck,” Diego told his brother, who shrugged, “If I didn’t do it someone else would have.”

Klaus and Diego stared at each other in shock and Klaus was the one who spoke up first, “We are never telling Allison this.”

All three of them nodded in brotherly solidarity, distance forgotten in fear of their sister.

* * *

In the kitchen, Allison, Vanya, Patrick and Luther were wedding planning with Mom in background, making food.

“Here’s an idea!” Patrick said, pointing to a small sign that said, “catering”, “What if your mom does the catering?.”

They all turned to look at Mom’s back as she hummed and did the dishes, completely oblivious. Luther nodded thoughtfully, “Diego might insist we all help her though.”

“True,” Allison said, tapping her chin with her finger, “But… She.”

She broke off and turned to look at her mother, “Mom?”

“Yes, dear ?” Mom said brightly, pausing in her cleaning to beam at them.

“Would you be willing to cook for my wedding?” Allison’s voice was filled with a hopeful child-like tone, which she hoped would appeal to her mother’s programming. 

Mom’s eyes light up in a way Allison’s never seen before, “I would be honored!”

Allison and Patrick share a secret smile and Luther’s thin lips twinge upwards. Vanya cleared her throat, “I also have the florist booked and I got their number.”

She showed them all a small number written on a piece of paper in her own handwriting, “But I’ve been calling her for updates and it seems like all of that is going swimmingly.”

Allison pulled her sister into a hug, “Thank god that’s settled.” Vanya’s body stiffened and relaxed against her sister’s grip.

Luther scanned her list and exhaled, “Well you’ve hit everything on this list except…”

“The dress,” finished Allison, “I guess we're going shopping.”

Vanya nodded shyly, “I need a dress for the wedding and if you think Diego or Klaus has a suit then you’re probably crazy.”

Mom piped up from her post, “Five doesn’t have any other clothes than what he’s wearing right now. It would be nice if you could get him some.”

“Alright, now we have more reason to get clothes,” Allison said, “We need to get nice wedding clothes and basic stuff for Five. How long has Five been here, Mom?”

“About two days,” Mom responded, “We haven’t been able to run him to get any basic necessities at all, like toothbrushes or shoes or anything really.”

“Well, then we’ll get them for him,” Luther said, scratching his cheek

“I can’t believe we’re going to take this entire family to a mall for this,” Vanya said nervously, “This is literally the worst idea ever.”

“It’ll be fun though,” Allison’s face has a look of absolute madness on it, “It’ll be chaotic fun.”

Patrick swallows nervously, “This is a nightmare.”

* * *

Somehow they managed to shove their entire family into one car, even if Five sat grumpily on Klaus’ lap and spent the entire car ride complaining about how he wasn’t a  _ child. _ They all piled out of the car and stared up at the giant building that was the mall.

“Alright team,” Luther addressed his siblings, “We’re trying to not burn down this mall so let’s try and get in and out.”

“What’s our game plan, Moon Man?” Klaus clapped his hands together excitedly.

Allison stepped forward with a grin, “Diego is going with me and Klaus to choose outfits for us. Patrick will go with Luther to pick out suits and Vanya and Five are going together to get a bunch of stuff for Five. I’ve added money to Vanya and Patrick’s cards to afford all of this. We are going to meet back here and go to the food court for lunch together in three hours.”

“You’ve really got this whole thing mapped out don’t you,” Klaus smirked at Allison’s face.

“Well, someone has to be competent in this family,” Allison smirked at him, “Ready! Break!”

And the mall was overrun.

* * *

Upon the first six minutes of entering the mall, Diego and Allison had already lost Klaus to an incredibly fancy high fashion store that not even Allison wanted to pay for. He was stroking a fancy ruffled skirt with a sad look on his face and when the two of them eventually found him, he gave Allison the biggest puppy dog eyes he could muster and Allison simply sighed and consented.

A few minutes later, Klaus skipped out of the store with several bags on his arms and a very tired looking Allison behind him. Diego followed behind with an amused look on his face.

As Klaus started to look at other stores, Allison carefully adjusted her big sunglasses and edged closer to Diego.

“What’s up Allison?” 

“I’m nervous,” She muttered, keeping her eyes on Klaus as he spun around in a fancy outfit in front of the mirrors.

“For what?” 

“I don’t know,” She sighed, “I just feel like something will go wrong or Dad’s going to show up or those guys who kidnapped Klaus will come back or the flowers will be dead..”

Diego rolled his eyes at her, a familiar motion, “You’re just overthinking it Allison.”

Allison bobbed her head distantly, “Of course I am. I always do that.”

“It’s a wedding, Ally,” The old pet name from their childhood came spilling out of his mouth easily, “Of course you’ll be nervous, I’m pretty sure that’s natural.”

Allison grinned at him, “When did you get so smart?”

“I’ve always been like this,” Diego’s voice was haughty, “No one listened to me, that’s all.”

“Probably because you’ve also done really stupid things in the past, like breaking into houses through windows even when the door was open or telling Klaus to lick batteries so it’ll give him pubes.”

“How do you know about that?”

“One time, he told me that in a drunken haze,” Allison informed him, “I think we were about fifteen.”

“Damnit, Klaus,” muttered Diego, “I trusted you.”

Allison burst into laughter at that one, her eyes closed and a smile on her face, natural and free. Diego besides her, also laughed, his arms that had been crossed over his chest falling to his sides. The two of them stood together, laughing hysterically in front of a store in a mall and watching Klaus twirl around.

“Come on,” Allison said, once her giggles had subsided, “We should make sure that Klaus isn’t robbing the store.”

“Oh shit, yea.” Diego muttered, “He actually might try.”

The two of them exchanged a look and headed into the store together to save Klaus from the very frilly set of pants on his body.

“Hey guys!” Klaus chirped, showing them his pants as they walked in, “I’m thinking that I wear these for the wedding, what do you think?”

Allison snorted, “You know I’m not one to force you to wear something, but I would like something.. More formal?”

“Exactly!” Klaus said, snapping his fingers, “I’ll just pair these pants,” He pointed to the absurdly pink, frilly pants he was wearing, “With that jacket,” He pointed to a black leather jacket in one of his bags.

“Yea...no,” Diego muttered, squinting at the pants like they were blinding him, “Klaus, you have a terrible sense of fashion.”

“Oh? And you do, Mr. I’m going to wear BDSM gear everywhere I go?”

Diego’s face went from disapproving to absolutely flustered, “It’s not BDSM gear!”

“I mean, I’m the last person to judge you on that,” Klaus started to head back to the dressing room, “But I think you make it very obvious.”

Diego’s red face swiveled to Allison, who shrugged, “It is a bit obvious, Diego.”

Diego started sputtering as Allison giggled at him, and was still sputtering as Klaus and Allison dragged him into a men’s clothing store to find him a suit.

* * *

Five hadn’t really moved from the door of the car where he had exited, standing and staring up at the mall. He had been here before, of course, in the apocalypse, looking for supplies but this was kinda a whole other ballgame.

“Five?” 

He turned to see his sister, Vanya with a cautious smile on her face, looking at him and felt a stab of warmth in his chest. 

“Yea?”

Vanya’s eyes were filled with concern as she searched his face, “Are you gonna be ok?”

“I’ve never been to a mall before,” He informed her, which was a lie of course. He had been only once after his apocalypse trips, his target being a young teenage boy working at a smoothie place in the 1980s. He’d never wanted to look at smoothies again, for weeks after the boy’s blood had tainted the smoothie tanks.

He still couldn’t drink strawberry ones.

Vanya seemed completely shook by that revelation and she moved demurely in front of him. They met eyes and he couldn’t help noticing how small she was, her eyes level with his thirteen year old form’s.

“Well then, I’m going to show you all my favorite things,” She told him, her voice becoming stronger as she pressed on, “I missed you, Five, and I want a chance to get our friendship back.”

He can feel the pressure in his ears, a small whining noise building around her, but he shoved it away and gave her his best smile.

“Me too, Van.”

Her eyes sparkled in relief and she carefully took his hand, “I’ll show you my favorite place to get clothes.”

Five was content to let his sister pull him through the mall, but as he stepped into the massive room where the stores branched off from each other, he couldn’t help but stare. It was so  _ big.  _ He couldn’t help but be impressed at the power the building exerted, but his brain helpfully flashed an image of the Apocalypse, reminding him,  _ All of this will go.  _

But Vanya tugged him towards a store and he fell into step with her, a smile on his face and the high pitched whining in his ears.

* * *

The one benefit to his now massive size was that as Luther lumbered through the mall, people scurried out of his way. He hated it. He wished he could blend into the crowd, like Patrick did, following behind him at a safe distance.

It was awkward to say the least.

They finally entered a suit store that seemed more relaxed than the other ones, but Luther couldn’t miss the look on the receptionist’s face as he entered. A tense glance at him and then at the suits then back to the fitting room, then back to him.

He was glad Patrick was there, when he sauntered up to the desk and asked to try on suits. The receptionist’s face relaxing a bit and he ushered them to the back, with enthusiasm

Luther and Patrick ended up in what seemed like a waiting room as the receptionist went to the back, picking out pants and tuxedos that he thought would fit them.

Patrick cleared his throat, quietly and when Luther ignored him, did it louder. Luther turned to look at him with a blank stare.

“Do you think Allison likes me?” Patrick asked him, bluntly, sending a wave of some unknown emotion over Luther.

“What?”

Patrick’s eyes narrowed and he spoke louder, “Do you think Allison actually likes me?”

“Of course, she does,” Luther said before he can stop himself, “Why would you ask that?”

Patrick sighed, “I wonder sometimes why Allison chose me of all people to be with, you know? I guess I’m afraid that it was more for the money and the fame than for love.”

Luther cocked his head, trying to imagine what he would do, but Patrick spoke again, “I do love her, don’t get me wrong, but she has issues revolving around her powers and sometimes I wonder if my feelings are fake, like it’s all some big..”

“Rumor,” Luther finished for him. 

“Yea, something like that.”

Luther puffed his cheeks out and debated his words, weighing on them before he spoke, “I can’t speak for my sister. Only she really knows what she's thinking. But when we were kids,” Luther paused and licked his lips, “Dad really did a number on her, on all of us.”

Patrick blinked and tried to read Luther’s expression, “How so? I read the book, like most people, but..”

Luther thought back to Diego, insisting that Dad was evil and crazy and finally broke his silence, “I don’t know what Dad did to Allison. If I’m honest, I’m still figuring out what he did to me. But, if she opened up to you and she let you into her life and let you meet us, that’s gotta mean something, Don’t you think?”

“Yea,” Patrick breathed solemnly, “I guess that makes sense.”

Luther rubbed his arms sadly, “ Yea… I guess it does.”

Patrick glanced at Luther up and down, eyes trailing his arms, “You guys need some serious therapy.”

“Maybe we do.”

Patrick finally shook his head with a sigh, “And I still can’t figure out who each of you are.”

“What?”

“I didn’t pay attention to the Umbrella Academy as a kid, so I’m learning all of your names and powers for the first time, now.” Patrick smiled at Luther’s startled gaze, “I wasn’t interested in that stuff as a kid.”

Luther hummed, deep in thought, “Well, I could help you if you want too.”

“That would be great actually,” Patrick said, “There’s a lot of you.”

Luther held out his hand to Patrick with a smile, “I’m Luther, Number One, Spaceboy. I have super strength.”

And Patrick took it with a returning smile, “Patrick Hendrickson, model.”

* * *

Klaus stared at the dress in the window with stars in his eyes, Ben floating off to the side somewhere spoke up, “Gotta be honest, Klaus. That and the suit jacket, that would work.”

“Since when did you become a fashion expert, dude?”

“Since I started hanging around you,” Ben said impassively.

Diego looked over from the rack of pants he was staring at, “Who are you talking to, Klaus?”

“Just Ben,” Klaus waved his hand dismissively, “He’s being a dick to me again.”

Knowing the bomb he had just dropped on his unsuspecting alive brother, Klaus turned back to the dress with a dreamy sigh, only to be gripped by his brother and spun back around. 

“Ben?” Diego’s voice is shaky, “Are you sober? Can you see…”

Klaus met his brother’s gaze and gave him a winning smile, “Yes to both of those.”

Diego’s jaw dropped open and he stared at Klaus, his normal aggressive expression gone. “You’re sober?”

Klaus winked cheekily, “For now,” he pretended not to see the flash of hope, then disappointment in his brother's stern gaze. Klaus ran a hand through his hair.

“But,” and the spark was back, “I kinda.. Want to try, staying that way. For Dave and Ben.”

“Dave?” his brother’s voice cracked, “Ben?”

Klaus nodded, “Dave, because.. I want to see him again. Ben because I want you all to see him again.”

Poor Diego looked like he’s on the edge of having multiple breakdowns at once, “You can see Ben?”

Klaus looked up to meet Ben’s dead eyes, and his dearly departed brother has a look of utter shock on his face. After all, every time Klaus had ever brought up seeing Ben, his siblings had dismissed him. And Klaus had decided after years of this, that he’d no longer bring up Ben to his siblings, they’d both agreed that it only brought violence and fury.

But now, Diego was staring at him with a desperation he’d ever seen before, a desperation to believe Klaus’ words. 

“Why would you believe me now, after all this time?” Klaus forced himself to ask and Diego’s face flickered into an unfamiliar expression, shame.

“I want to believe you Klaus,” Diego finally said, tugging at his brother’s shirt, “One of our brothers has finally come home after eleven fucking years and this is the first time I feel like we’re a family. Maybe I want to have us all there again. Including Ben.”

Klaus’ hand drifted towards his dog tags- Dave’s dog tags- and he sighed, “I’ve always been able to see Ben, Diego. I don’t know why, but even when I’m not sober, I can see him.”

Diego’s head whipped around back and forth, “Where is he?”

Klaus quickly pointed at the place Ben was seated, his dead brother’s mouth dropped open, Diego’s eyes skim over Ben’s position, but Ben’s face is the happiest Klaus had seen in years.

Diego swallowed, his hands twisting the pants he’s holding, “Hi Ben.”

Ben’s eyes are dripping with tears and he swallowed, “Hi Diego.”

Quickly, Klaus provided Diego with a translation of what Ben said and Diego nodded and turned away, shaking.

“Will you stay this way?” Diego’s voice is the softest Klaus has ever heard it, “Sober, I mean.”

“I don’t know,” Klaus admitted, “Ben agrees with you by the way, He wants me to remain sober.”

‘Well, then take his advice,” Diego demanded, “And mine,” He paused, scratching his arm before starting again, “I really like it when you’re sober, Klaus.”

“What?”

“I like it when you’re sober. You haven’t been sober since we were twelve and..” Another pause. It’s a complicated one. “I didn’t realize how much I missed that. It’s..”

“It’s like I lost three brothers instead of two.”

Klaus can’t come up with a snappy comeback to go with that. Ben’s eyes glint with unshed tears and Diego looked away, embarrassed by this outburst of emotion.

“Oh.”

“Yea.”

They remained in silent for a while, until Allison stepped into the room with a smile, “Did you find what you wanted?”

“Yep,” All three of them said together.

* * *

Vanya has never felt like this in her life. So open and everything is so loud and bright, she hated it. The colors pop out at her from every direction and she can hear the murmurs of the other customers in the small store, she’d dragged Five into. Speaking of Five, he’s near her, peering at a hilariously awful button-down shirt with serious contemplation, she can hear his heartbeat, steadily pumping.

She let it reassure her. 

“Hey,” Five said, his voice louder than it probably should be, she flinched.

He gave her a concerned look, and moved a shirt with a NASA symbol on it into a pile he’d been steadily building. 

“You’ve been holding that pantsuit for a bit, aren’t you going to try it on?” Five’s voice was gentle, but her splitting headache made it sound a lot worse.

“Yea, yea,” She stammered, “I will.”

She rushed towards the changing room, slamming the door and immediately jumping backwards when the sound was a lot louder than she expected.

“Shit,” she murmured, fumbling through her purse and pulling out her pill bottle, which was empty.

“Shit,” she said again, looking at the white pantsuit she’d picked out and sighed, “Might as well.”

Quickly she slipped it on and looked at herself in the mirror, with a sigh.  _ Wow, I look nice.  _ She pushed a section her hair behind her ear and stared at herself with a small smile. She remained there for a while eventually remembering that Five was probably waiting for her. Pulling off the pantsuit was easy, and she scurried back towards her little brother, who was staring at a pair of fluffy socks with confusion on his face.

“Vanya,” he said, glancing at her, “What’s the point of fluffy socks over regular socks?”

She blinked a couple of times at him, “Comfort?”

Five gave her a solemn look that didn’t match his  _ physical  _ age, “What about practicality?”

Placing the pantsuit in their cart, she shrugged one shoulder, “Sometimes it’s not about practicality, it’s about pleasure.”

Five tilted his head at her, confusion in his gaze, “Comfort,” he echoed.

With a lump in her throat, Vanya remembered Five’s expression when he described the apocalypse, his eyes shattered and body sagging.  _ He probably doesn’t realize… _ She quickly looked at the stuff in the cart that Five had picked out, and took a deep breath.

There was the suit, he’d picked out for the wedding in there, but everything else looked as though he had taken the first stuff he’d seen off the shelves and thrown it in there. The only thing that it looked like he had actually picked out were survival gear and jackets lined with pockets.

“Have you ever gone shopping before?” She asked him gently, taking out all the clothes she’d deemed unnecessary. He simply shook his head, watching her with a confused glance.

“Well, you’re not supposed to get survival gear,” She teased him, trying to hide her sadness, “You’re supposed to get comfortable things, or things that make you happy.”

Five’s green eyes didn’t even register that, instead he wrinkled his face into a frown, “Oh.”

“Here,” She pulled the socks off of the rack and set them in the cart, “I’ll help you.”

Five and Vanya did another loop around the store, this time Vanya letting Five touch the different pieces of clothing, and taking the things that he gasped at or lingered on. By the time they arrive at the cashier, their cart was filled to the brim with soft clothing and nerdy shirts that Five had snorted at. In the end, they emerged from the store victorious, with five bags filled with clothes.

Still a bit overwhelmed, Vanya led her brother to a small tea shop, where they sat and waited for the others to arrive.

“What would you like to get?” She asked him, scanning the menu of pastries.

Five gave her a grin that pierced her heart with nostalgia, “You seem to know more about this than me, Why don’t you choose?”

“Ok!” Vanya began to pour over the menu with new enthusiasm, using her previous knowledge of Five to order him food, eventually settling on a chocolate crepe for him and a green tea parfait for her.

Five drummed his fingers on the table and finally exhaled, “Thanks Vanya.”

“For what?” She asked, searching his gaze.

“For helping me with this,” He told her solemnly, “I know this is probably hard for you. But I’m just not used to this..” He gestured to the mall.

She smiled at him, “I’m your sister, Five. I missed you a ton. I’d be glad to help you whenever you need it.”

Five’ lips twitched and he slowly smiled back. But his expression quickly changed.

“I wanted to tell you something,” He said quietly, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a book. 

He set it in front of her and she inhaled sharply, “That’s..”

Sitting in front of her was a copy of her book, worn down and old, like whoever had owned it had read it countless times. There were stains and pages that looked like they were on the edge of falling out due to abuse.

“Yea,” Five said, “I wanted to tell you that your book really helped me.”

Her head snapped up to look at him, “Huh?”

“On the days, I felt alone there, I’d read it, just to remember. I wrote all my equations in there,” He opened the book and mixed with Vanya’s words were Five’s handwritten numbers.

“Oh, Five.”

“I know you wrote this to be bitter about Reginald, But” He trailed off, “This book really helped me through it all.”

Vanya’s eyes glimmered and she resisted the urge to throw her arms around her brother and sob, “Then, I’m glad I wrote it, even if everyone hates me now.”

“I don’t think they do,” Five smirked at her, “You’d probably be able to tell if they did.”

She bit back a laugh, “Most likely.”

By the time their food arrived, Vanya had forgotten about the throbbing in her head and the pulses of sound beneath her eyes, only focused on eating and Five.

* * *

Eventually the other siblings came and joined them, chattering and ordering more food until their poor waitress looked positively overwhelmed. According to Klaus, he’d seen Ben and was planning on getting sober due to encouragement from Diego. Allison was practically in tears over her dress, saying it was gorgeous and Diego had chimed in saying that it matched the shoes he and Klaus had apparently bought her. Luther looked a lot more well-adjusted to sitting in the small booth and was pleasantly reminding Patrick of the sibling’s names and powers. Poor Five was sitting on another person’s lap, this time Luther’s, but he was eating his crepes with enthusiasm and kept getting reminded about his broken wrist and that ‘he shouldn’t be carrying bags with it.’

It was the most domestic scene that the Hargreeves had been involved with in a long time.

By the time they left the cafe, it was dinnertime, they all piled into the cars and headed back to Allison’s house, exhausted.

Sleep came quickly.

The last person awake was Five, making a margarita before he slept, Delores watching him. So he was the only one who heard the knock at the door.

“Who the hell is knocking on the door at three am?” He asked Delores, who told him that he had no right to judge considering he was awake to answer it.

“Touche.”

Five swung open the door to see a gun pointed directly at his face.

“Well,” He said, dryly looking at the person holding the weapon, “Are you going to shoot me and if not, would you like a margarita?”

Reginald Hargreeves gritted his teeth and snarled back, “You’re the same as always, Number Five.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof.


	7. The Day that Was (a Total Disaster)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fuck time travel.” 
> 
> “It sucks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all: Do you have a favorite Hargreeves?
> 
> me, trying to hide my 3 page list of Five fanfiction and hundreds of drawings and fanart: no
> 
> Warning: Five does get hit in this chapter, I tried not to be too graphic but there is electrocution involved

Five arched his eyebrow as he stared his father in the face, barely flinching at the gun. He tipped his margarita to the side, giving his father a questioning look.

“A gun, Reginald?” Five snarked, “I thought you hated to get yourself involved in violence. Seems rather unlike you, don’t you think?”

“This is too important, Number Five,” barked Reginald, “You have come back, exactly the same as you left.”

“Are you sure about that?” Five bit back bitterly, “I don’t see it that way.”

Reginald’s lips shifted, the look in his eyes cold and brutal, “It doesn’t matter whether you are or are not the same, Number Five. I am still your legal guardian.”

“So you’re going to point a gun at me?” asked Five, incredulously, “I’m sure Child Protection Services will love that.”

“They don’t need to know anything,” Reginald scoffed, “This gun is not a threat, simply motivation. You cannot jump before this bullet hits you and although you might not care if you are hit, I’d imagine your siblings don’t want to see your body on the floor in the morning.”

Five angrily bit his lip and snarled, “Fine, what do you want?”

“I’m taking you to the Academy for testing, Number Five.” Reginald said coldly, “Whether you want me to or not.”

Hearing the footsteps before he saw who was behind him, Five whipped around only to get pummeled in the face by a heavy object, slamming onto the floor in a haze. He blinked blearily a couple of times as two pairs of feet moved around him. His eyes slid closed and he faded into darkness.

* * *

Vanya’s eyes snapped open from the bed where she was curled up, hearing a loud clunking noise from the kitchen. She bolted upright, scared out of her mind and charged down the stairs, her heart pounding in her throat. When she got to the bottom of the stairs, everything stopped.

Five was laying in someone she’d never expected to see’s arms, her father. Five had a bloody mark on his forehead and it didn’t look like he was moving. Vanya could see Pogo behind her father’s leg, giving Five an empathetic glance, but holding a small metal bar in his hand. Vanya was absolutely frozen in shock.

Her father spotted her and gave her a glower, “Disappointing as usual, Number Seven, Frozen in the middle of your own brother’s abduction.”

He spun around on his heel and disappeared into the night, Vanya immediately running after him, chasing her father.

But she couldn’t find him.

Bursting onto the street, Vanya screamed, loud and desperate and the air around her rippled and broke. Sounds twisted and distorted, a wave of white sound exuding from every inch of her skin. The light-poles around her bent in half and the traffic lights around her all changed to green, as she fell onto the floor. Quivering with the exertion of her own powers, Vanya lifted her hands in horror, shakily clambering to her feet and staring wide-eyed at the destruction she caused.

“What the fuck,” she whispered, “What the fuck. What the fuck.”

Chanting those words as if they were the only thing keeping her alive, Vanya stumbled her way up those long steps towards the bright lights of Allison’s house. Breaking into the living room, Vanya’s tears blurred the entire room together and she pulled herself to one of her brother’s rooms, She didn’t even care which one.

“Five,” She sobbed, shaking whoever it was, “He got Five, Hurry, he got Five.”

“Vanya?” said the soft voice she couldn’t recognize through the ringing in her ears, she instead clung to the shirt of whichever brother it was, “What happened Vanya?”

“Five, It was Dad, he got Five.”

“Dad? He took Five?!” The voice was filled with a sort of confused-anger, and Vanya nodded, throwing her head back and forth in desperation.

“I don’t know where,” She choked out, “I don’t know where they’re going.”

The person- her brother- stood up and lifted her into his arms-  _ The exact way Five was-  _ and took off running, shouting throughout the halls and rousing the rest of the family. The noise is so loud, so loud and Vanya gripped her ears in pain, tears running down her cheeks and fear coursing through her body.

She found herself on the sofa, with Luther standing next to her. He’s practically on top of her, his hands cautiously hovering over her head, like he wanted to touch her but is afraid too. She’s a mess and she knew it, but seeing Five get abducted was beyond horrifying and she needed reliance on something,  _ someone. _ She pulled Luther into a hug, shaking and sobbing into him. 

“I’m sorry,” She breathed, “I’m sorry, Luther, I’m ordinary.. I couldn’t do anything.. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, Vanya,” She could hear him rumble as he held her close enough to his chest that she could feel his heart, “It wasn’t your fault.”

His pats are awkward but comforting in the way only a brother can be and she relished the fact that Number One is comforting the lowly Number Seven. 

“What the hell happened?” said a scratchy voice and she could hear Luther’s reply, “Dad.. It was Dad. He stole Five, according to Vanya.”

Vanya shut her eyes as the immediate uproar at this prospect erupted and sobbed into Luther’s grip.

* * *

Fuck. What the fuck.  _ What the fuck.  _

Diego paced back and forth, cursing up a storm, and waving his arms back and forth. He turned towards Vanya, curled up at Luther’s side and sobbing so hard he could barely think. Wrenching his jaw open, he tried to get his voice to work, but he couldn’t even get a mouthful out instead saying, “W..w...w...wh..wh..what… ha..ha..ha..hap.”

“What happened?” Klaus finished for him, ignoring Diego’s dagger-like glare. He gave Diego a half-hearted shrug in apology.

Luckily for him, Vanya jerked away from Luther’s grip and looked at him, “Five was on the floor, he’d been knocked out. Dad was there a..and Pogo.”

At the mention of Pogo’s name, Diego threw up his arms and began to pace again, eventually stopping and trying to talk, “W..w.we..a..a.rre.,” eventually giving up and rushing towards the phone book and pen, scribbling down his words.

‘We are lucky that we saw it happen, that gives us time. Where would Dad take Five?’

“The house,” Luther answered, “He would take Five to the house.”

“Are you sure?” Klaus gripped the dog tags around his neck, “I bet he knows that that is the first place we’d look, right?”

“I don’t think he cares,” said Allison, holding a silent Patrick’s hand, “He never did before.”

Diego nodded and pointed at her, grunting. Patrick shifted awkwardly in place.

“We’re going to the house,” spat Luther, enraged, “Right now.”

They all nodded, the decision unanimous. Diego stood up and bolted out the door, listening to his siblings’ footsteps echoing behind him. However when he reached the street in front of Allison’s house, he stopped.

The traffic lights all around the house were flickering unnaturally, red to yellow to green. The street lights and telephone poles were all bent in half and there was destruction all across the street. He could hear the pounding of his sibling’s feet stop as they took in the scene in front of them.

Klaus spoke first, “Five can’t do something like that.. Can he?”

“No,” exhaled Allison, wide-eyed, “He can’t.”

Vanya’s mouth was open and in shock, but she whispered, “I thought I imagined it.”

All of the siblings turned to look at her pale, white face in confusion. Vanya gulped, loud and audible.

“I was mad,” she whispered, “I thought I just imagined it.”

Allison took her sister’s arms and looked into her eyes, “You did this?”

Diego’s brain felt like it was shutting down. Vanya. Vanya destroyed the street. Vanya. Ordinary. Number Seven. Vanya.

Vanya’s eyes filled with more unshed tears, “I..i don’t know.”

Vanya. Ordinary. Vanya.

“You destroyed the street, Van,” Klaus stammered, “What did it ever do to you?”

Vanya’s laughter mixed with hysterical sobbing shocked the other siblings into action. Luther spoke up first, “We can’t care about this right now, we have to get Five back. Now.”

Nodding, his voice unable to work, Diego sprinted towards his police car, jumping into it and driving over towards the cluster of siblings on the street. It was a scramble to choose a place in the car, but Klaus eventually got shotgun, forcing Allison, Vanya and Luther in sit in the back. Diego clicked on the siren and floored it, knowing the route to the academy by heart.

They were silent and eventually, Klaus awkwardly clicked on the radio. The slow tones of Radiohead droned on and on, and Diego could feel the air of the car drop as the sirens and the music combined into an awful cacophony of noise.

Vanya groaned uncomfortably, and the car’s sides began to rattle back and forth. 

“What’s happening?” Klaus shouted as they all screamed in fear, and eventually Vanya’s eyes weakly open, “The noise,” she grunted, “Turn down the volume.”

Klaus slapped the radio’s mute button and finally the only sound was the silence, the sirens and the shuddering breath of the Umbrella Academy, breathing as one. 

“What are we going to do when we get there?” Allison asked, “Are we just going to kick down the door and get Five back?”

“Yes,” grit out Diego, “We’re going to get him back and then, I’m going to  _ kill  _ Dad.”

No one, not even Luther protested. 

“Can we not kill him?” Klaus asked suddenly, “I don’t want that guy haunting me for the rest of my life.”

There was a collective shudder at that threat and Allison gulped, “Let’s not do that to Klaus.”

Klaus turned around with a beaming smile, though there is something dark behind it, “Thanks sis!”

He then cocked his head to the side and sighed, “Ben doesn’t want to be around Dad at all.”

Vanya raised her head to look at Klaus hopefully, “Ben’s here?”

“Yea,” Klaus greeted her gaze with a smile, “He’s sitting next to me. He’s angry. Really mad.”

Diego could feel the grin on his face, growing as he pushed harder on the gas pedal, gaining ground on his father. His family was going to kick his dad’s ass.

* * *

When Five came to he was strapped onto a chair and his broken wrist was throbbing. He thanked all the lucky stars that he was left-handed not right-handed, he might have been given the world’s worst hand in everything, but at least he had his good hand available. He tried to yank himself out of the chair, but to no avail.

There were straps binding his arms to the arms of the chair and there was a similar ties around his legs, which wouldn’t be a problem if his head wasn’t strapped to the back of the chair as well. His head pulsed with heat and Five knew right away he had a concussion as the room swirled.

Not good.

Five squinted and tried to focus, but could barely remember anything, the words and images sloshing around his brain. Hell, he could barely recall what year he was in. 

“Fuck time travel,” he slurred to no one in particular, itching to stand up but he couldn’t, falling back down, “Oh yea, I’ve been kidnapped.”

“What were you saying about time travel, Number Five?” barked a familiar voice that Five can’t place immediately, stars twirling in the edges of his vision.

“Fuck time travel,” He coughed out, “It sucks.”

“Time travel?” The voice questioned, “So you did manage to do it! What was it like? When did you go?”

Five spit out a certain amount of blood in the voice’s face, “The end of everything. But not the end of something.”

He had a vague recollection of someone telling him that in a world burned alive, but for the life of him he can’t recall what -or who- it was.  _ Shit, did he even get the phrase right? _

He knew he didn’t when he got a smack to his cheek, an admonishment for saying it wrong, he supposed.

“Time travel messes with the mind, Does it not, Number Five?” the voice is deadly low with a strange accent.

“Sure does!” Five chirped back, his grin wide, “Mass murder does too!”

The voice paused and eventually responded, “You know, Number Five, you look the same as I last saw you but your DNA is different, changed. Care to explain?”

“Not really, no,” slurred Five, eyeing the image as it focused into an image of his father, monocle and all. His father shook his arm in a fury, making the image shift back into blurry lines and swirls. The voice made an angry huff and pulled away. 

The stars flashed brighter. 

All the sudden, he’s moving, the chair making a loud screeching noise as he’s pulled backward towards a dark cave that stretches it’s maw open wide, prepared to swallow him whole, Five laughed at it, daring to spit into the pulsating mass that was the darkness. Then, the doors shut, trapping him in a small room that’s walls was shifting, the wave of dizziness crashed over his head immediately making him tired.

It was too close. Five kept breathing, shakily in and out. Too close. Too close. The walls were closing in on him, and at this point a realization came to him,  _ I’m hyperventilating.  _

When he shoved into a long hallway, and dragged out of the room, he laughed in relief. Anything was better than the suffocation of the small moving room, Five contemplated. But as the motion stopped, Five can start to feel the pressure building in his forehead and he took a shaky breath.

_ Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake.  _

“Well Number Five,” said the voice, “I would like an explanation of some sort.”

Five jutted out his chin, ignoring the rising pressure and the dizzy spells in favor of pure iron will, “No.”

The voice doesn’t say anything, it’s features blurring into the walls and it’s all too much for Five’s brain to handle. He blinked blearily. And then everything was white and pain. Five barely registered his own screams as a familiar surge of energy pulsed up his arms, something he hadn’t felt since his childhood.

_ Ah.  _ His brain helpfully supplied  _ The zappy chair. _

With that brilliant observation, Five slipped into nothingness.

* * *

Allison pressed Vanya against her chest and rubbed her sister’s back gently, trying to calm her down, which also helped Allison’s panicked brain relax. She instead looked out the window, gazing as other traffic pulled out of their way as Diego floored it towards the Academy. Some advantages to being a police officer, even if he wasn’t a full one yet.

“Some wedding, huh?” Klaus said, his voice weirdly chipper, “That’s just how the Academy works, isn’t it?”

She sighed with exhaustion, “Are you high, Klaus?”

“Nope,” He said, brushing sweat off his face, “I’ve been going through withdrawls all night though, which is fantastic.”

Allison cringed in sympathy, “I’m sorry Klaus.”

He waved her off, “No need to apologize, Ally! It was my idea to get clean.”

“Well, I’m glad,” She told Klaus, who looked at her with a smile, “I think you’re more.. You. when you aren’t high.”

Klaus’s eyebrow twitched and he shrugged, “Diego said something similar.”

“You know, I’m right here,” replied Diego, eyes trained on the road.

“Yea, I know,” Klaus smirked, “But I’m trying to make sure we don’t die while driving at…” He leaned over to check the speed they were currently traveling at, “Ninety-five miles per hour to rescue our little brother from our crazy dad.”

“He’d probably hate you forever if you called him that to his face,” Diego told Klaus, who laughed, “I doubt it.”

Allison found herself smiling, even as the rain poured down and Vanya shook in her arms. Luther was silent besides her and she could only imagine the thoughts racing through his head right now. Diego and Klaus continued whatever argument they were in currently, the scene familiar. 

Only people missing were Five and Ben. 

But wait…

“What does Ben say about all of this?” She asked Klaus. He blinked a couple of times before glancing to the side.

“He says that I’m right.” Klaus told them as Diego groaned, “That’s bullshit Klaus.”

“No it’s not!” Klaus insisted and then shushed the air next to him aggressively, causing a startled laugh to come out of Allison’s mouth.

“What’s he like?” Luther asked softly, the first words he’s said in a while, “Ben.”

Klaus rolled his eyes, “He’s a dick, is what he is. He’s constantly harassing me and telling me to do stupid things for him. Like seeing the ocean. We don’t even live near an ocean?”

“Actually there’s an ocean about three to four hours away from here,” Allison informed him and Klaus scoffed, “I can’t drive, Allison.”

“We need to do something about that,” muttered Diego, “I’m tired of driving you everywhere.”

“I can’t drive either,” Vanya mumbled weakly from her position. 

“Goddamnit guys, you woke up Vanya,” Allison coughed as Vanya rolled her eyes, “I’ve been awake this whole time, you guys are loud.”

“Can we talk about your weird magical powers that you suddenly acquired?” Klaus asked her, “I feel like that’s somewhat important.”

Vanya awkwardly sat up and glanced at her sibling’s concerned faces, “I ran out of those pills Dad gave me when I was younger. I didn’t have time to get any more, so I assumed I’d be ok without them,” She swallowed, visibly nervous.

“Fuck Dad,” Klaus said suddenly and they all turned to look at him, “If you had powers this whole time and Dad made you think you’re ordinary and then lied to you your whole life, then yea, Fuck him.”

There was a small mumble of assent throughout the car as the siblings agreed. But Vanya scrunched up her nose, “I feel like I would remember having powers.”

And at those words, the most horrible feeling dripped over Allison’s shoulders, a mumble of words whispered from her four-year old lips, words she never understood, words that had changed Vanya’s entire world.

“Oh my god.”

All her brothers turned to look at her shell-shocked face, as the horrible realization of what she’d done washed over her.

“I remember..”

Vanya’s face was ashen and Allison could clearly remember, Vanya trapped in a small vault, Grace’s encouraging hand on her shoulder and the filmy white forming on Vanya’s eyes.

“He made me.”

“He made you what?” Vanya’s voice is so quiet that if Allison hadn’t been right next to her, she wouldn’t have heard her at all.

“I rumored you,” Allison choked out, “I was so young, I didn’t… I didn’t know.”

The shocked silence in the car is what greeted her. Klaus’ eyeliner covered eyes are staring at Vanya in horror and one of his hands is covering his mouth in abject horror. Luther’s big puppy eyes are wider than normal and he appeared to be trying to make himself smaller. Diego doesn’t turn around, focusing on keeping them on the road, but the car lurched forward, the speed increasing as he expressed his anger in the only way he could.

“You...you knew?” Vanya’s voice is deadly quiet and the car began to shake, the windows rattling, “You..  _ knew?” _

“NO!” Allison insisted, “I.. I had no idea. I… Vanya. I was just a kid, just like you. I didn’t even remember till you told us.”

The rattling only got more and more intense as Vanya’s face twisted in fury, “YOU KNEW!”

“Vanya!” Pleaded Allison, her arms reaching for her sister’s face, “I DIDN’T.”

In that moment, a thousand things could have happened. They could all feel it in the air, the shaking, the tension and Vanya’s fury. The whining noise that shook through their eardrums shattered the windows of the car and Klaus shrieked.

And then, Vanya gave in.

“I... ,” She took a couple of breaths and turned away from Allison, quivering, “I need to think.”

The Umbrella Academy took a deep sigh together and far away, in a small office in the 1950s, a woman named Dot, got a transmission.

“Oh dear,” She said, skimming through the report, “That’s not good.”

* * *

How he woke up, Five had no idea. There was no noise, no nothing on the cold floor that his cheek was pressed against. Eyes blurry and swirling unsteadily, Five picked himself off the floor and immediately fell back down, a wave of dizziness and nausea flowing over his body.

“Shit.”

Rule 1 of being Kidnapped: Check for Injuries.

Well, he knew his injuries, concussion, broken wrist, two barely healed bullet wounds and he had been electrocuted. He was really beating up this new body of his, wasn’t he? He sighed, At least he was younger and could heal faster, grateful (for once) for his miscalculation. Being younger had its perks.

Rule 2: Observe Surroundings

Five slowly pulled himself off the floor, preparing for the tan walls of the room he’d done his private training in when he was younger. His head swam, but he didn’t feel as bad as he had before. He slowly dragged his eyes over the walls and realized that he had no idea where he was. The walls were covered in foam spikes, effectively soundproofing the entire room he was in and he could see a glass window to a long hallway that was unfamiliar to him. It was at this moment that Five realized just how small the space around him was, the walls covered in spikes leaned towards him and Five took a terrified step backward.

Just great.

Rule 3: Identify the Person Who Abducted You.

Reginald Hargreeves. Simple.

Rule 4:...

Shit, what was Rule 4?

Five’s head really wasn’t doing him any favors as he struggled to place the rules he’d laid out for himself years ago. His chest hurt and if he was honest, he just wanted to crash onto the floor and sleep. But with a concussion like his, sleep could be deadly and although he’d been lucky before, Five wasn’t willing to test that luck again.

Forcing himself to sit down and lean against the claustrophobia-inducing walls was a struggle but he eventually sank down and watched the window for signs of movement.

It didn’t take Reginald long to show up.

“Number Five,” He acknowledged, opening the door with a small tray of something in his hand, “Glad to see that you are awake.”

“No you aren’t,” spat Five, “You want me incapacitated.”

“Wrong,” His father told him, setting down the tray, “You being awake is critical for research, however I am saddened that I had to shock you. Now your powers will be inactive for a bit, that is if I remember correctly.”

Gritting his teeth, Five reached into the pit of his stomach, trying to reach the familiar distorted pulse that was his powers, but he felt it sputter out in his chest.

“You do,” he admitted, before glancing beyond his father to the hallway, “Where are we?”

“Underneath the Academy,” Reginald answered, void of emotion.

“Ah.”

“I have figured you out Number Five,” Reginald informed him, “You are a lot older than you appear.”

“Jeez,” Five preformed an exaggerated eye-roll that made his head pound, “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“There is also new DNA in your system that was not there before,” Reginald said coldly, making Five’s heart stop.

“So?”

“They match some very interesting people, Number Five.”

“I think that was intentional,” Five bit out sarcastically while Reginald’s cheek twitched. 

“How did you manage to integrate those killers’ DNA into yours, Number Five?” Reginald asked bluntly, “I do not believe that your powers allow you to do that.”

“They don’t,” Five replied, swallowing down his revulsion at the Commission’s DNA experiments. The Handler had told him that they were mandatory for all agents, so he’d accepted begrudgingly.

Only months later, he’d found out that wasn’t true, just another way the Handler had tried to pry away his siblings from his heart.

“So, how did you get this in your system, Number Five?” His father asked and Five snorted, “You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you.”

“Try me.”

“It all started with an apocalypse.”

“The Apocalypse? You went there?”

Five wasn’t normally shocked into silence, but his mouth fell open, “You knew?”

He met Reginald’s cold gaze and saw the answer, “You knew.”

“Indeed,” Reginald said, “That is why I let you leave.”

As if he could be any more shocked than he already was, Five stared with a broken gaze at his father.

His voice is shaky and weak as he forced out his question, “You.. let me leave?”

“Of course!” Reginald snapped, “It was the only way for the Apocalypse to be averted, although I miscalculated when you would come back to warn us, Number Five, That was a great disappointment.”

“A disappointment,” croaked Five, “You let me.. Trap myself in hell… AND I’M A DISAPPOINTMENT?”

The last words are shouted in righteous fury as Five screamed at his unforgiving father, who didn’t even flinch.

“Indeed.”

Five looked his father in the eyes, the cold eyes he’d seen in his nightmares and choked out, “Why?”

“You were one of the better ones, Number Five,” Reginald said, regretfully, “But you were too sentimental.”

_ Too sentimental _ .. Five can hardly believe it. The Handler’s silky smooth voice echoed his father’s words, “Too sentimental.”

“If I sent you there,” Reginald continued, “I knew you would do anything to get back.”

Five’s head swum with so many thoughts, the walls spun around him and the intense throbbing in his head grew worse.

“Well, Number Five?” Reginald said, like he hadn’t just taken Five’s world and ripped it in half, “Who caused the end of the world?”

And Five burst into laughter, hysterical, breathy, borderline insane laughter. Reginald simply watched and waited.

Five took several breaths to calm down and gave his most unnatural grin at his father’s hard gaze, “I have no idea.”

The look of abject fury and hate on his father’s face was worth a thousand electrocutions, a million broken wrists and hundreds of dead siblings, Five relished the moment it appeared and vanished like he’d relished in the arms of his siblings.

“Then you really are, the greatest of my failures,” His father said stiffly, turning around and walking out the door, leaving Five to curl up in a ball on the floor of the prison of his sister and sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I've never seen another fic ever do this.
> 
> I'm shocked, really. Who wouldn't take the opportunity to make Reginald worse ?


	8. I Heard a Rumor (That Everything Will Be Ok)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What about that one time you found a packet of stale peanuts and cried about it?"
> 
> “I thought I could make peanut butter out of it, Delores, and I was drunk.”
> 
> "You're always drunk."
> 
> “I haven't been drunk since I got here.”
> 
> "It’s been two days, Five. Probably three now, Don’t give yourself any credit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I check the hits on this story and freak out. I hate my writing style so like?? When people tell me they like this fic, my brain short-circuits.
> 
> I'm adding the links to my TUA playlists in the end notes cause I said I would, but I'm shit at links so, cross my fingers that this works lmao.

Tires screeching on the asphalt, Diego swung the car into a parking space that Allison had miraculously spotted, with her sharp eyes. He flew out of his car, hearing the sirens click off and he booked it up the street, not bothering to check if his siblings were steps behind him. He knew they were. 

The doors to their childhood home are blown wide open and the Hargreeves rush into the house for the second time that week. Immediately, they begin to search the home they’d lived in for so many years, ripping apart the wallpaper and tearing the trinkets off the shelves.

At some point it stopped being a search for Five and it became a destruction of the house, the chaos swelling to whole new heights until Vanya shouted, “Where are we supposed to be looking?”

Klaus shrugged, “I’m just looking for the little munchkin’s stupid uniform.”

“Munchkin?” Allison said, raising her brows.

“Hell yea, he’s the tiniest of us all.”

“He’s also apparently the oldest.”

“Who cares? He’s almost smaller than Vanya.”

“Emphasis on  _ almost _ ,” Diego interjected, a teasing smirk on his face.

“Guys!” Luther’s voice rang out from around the corner, his tone authoritative, “Get looking! We need to find Five.”

As her siblings rushed around the house, searching every corner for their brother. Vanya wandered through the house, vacantly, gazing at their home from a whole new perspective. She could hear her siblings’ voices as they ran around but she could also hear the faint echoes of another group of voices in the past.

She opened her eyes as she stood in the living room, watching her siblings line-up for the family painting. She took a step forward, her heart racing.

“Can I join Father?” her voice spoke but it wasn’t hers, at least not her current voice. 

Reginald barely spared her a glance, “No, Number Seven, this is for the Umbrella Academy only.”

“But, I’m part of…” She trailed off, spotting Five’s face as he gave her a shake of his head,  _ Don’t push it. _

Turning on her heel and walking away from her family, Vanya could feel the prickling of tears dripping past her nose. She raised her hands and rubbed at her eyes.

“Miss Vanya.”

Shocked out of her own memory, Vanya slowly turned around to see Pogo standing behind her. She couldn’t read his face, she never had been able to, but she could definitely feel the sharp pang of red-hot anger at seeing him.

“Where’s Five?”

“Your father has him.”

“What is he doing to him?”

Pogo’s sigh is heavy, burdened, “Your father is a complicated man, Miss Vanya. I do not know why he is doing what he is.”

“I didn’t ask you why,” Vanya growled from the back of her throat, her hair whipping in her face and the noise reaching a new height, “I asked you, What.. Is… Dad.. Doing.. To.. Five..?” She paused after each word, an attempt to sound as angry as she could.

It must have worked because Pogo took a step back.

“Your father is conducting experiments to figure out Number Five’s time traveling ability. I believe he is pulling samples from Number Five’s DNA.” Pogo told her, adjusting his grip on his cane.

“Where are they?” Vanya moved her hand, stirring up more wind and noise. She can hardly breathe, she’s on top of the world. It’s addictive, she realized, All this at her fingertips and she felt a small tug in her ribs to just.. Lash out. But she can feel some presence behind her and she knew her siblings were watching, shocked into fear or awe, or maybe both.

Pogo stumbled backwards and finally, fell on the floor, completely at her mercy, but he maintained his cool, calming presence that he’d kept during their childhood, “They are in the basement.”

Vanya exhaled in relief and gently tried to shove the power flowing out of her down, back into the pits of her stomach. But it doesn’t disappear like she wanted it too. Panicked she tried again, to no avail. Gasping desperately, she finally turned to meet her siblings’ eyes.

Luther’s are wide and shocked, his jaw is open, but he’s curled over the top of the others, like he’s trying to shield them with his body. Diego’s grin almost splits his mouth, he looked ecstatic and happy. Allison’s mouth is a thin line, but her proud smile and teary eyes say it all. Klaus’ eyes are the clearest she’d seen them in years and he gave her a cheesy thumbs up.

And the spell broke. Vanya shoved down and the power rushed away, quick as a balloon popped. She crumbled to the floor, barely managing to catch herself with her hands. She closed her eyes, her ears ringing and she’s suddenly pulled up by two hands, finding herself face-to-face with Allison.

“Hey sis,” Allison said, as awkward as can be.

“Hey.”

“I..” Allison broke off and looked to the side, “I’m proud of you.”

Vanya blinked at her, “Proud?”

Allison nodded, “And I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Vanya can’t help but ask, because she just wanted to hear it. Hear it come out of Allison’s mouth.

Allison’s eyes gleam but there’s no hesitation in her reply, “For rumoring you.”

“I know you are.” Vanya told her sincerely, taking a look at the gaggle of their brothers behind them, “And I’m sorry too.”

Klaus raised an eyebrow, “For what, Vanya? You just found out Dad was more of an asshole to you then he was upfront with, What do you have to apologize for?”

Looking at Diego pointedly as she spoke, Vanya said, “The book. I never should have dragged you all down with Dad. You didn’t deserve that.”

Diego’s ear splitting grin drooped and he shook his head, “I’m sorry for holding it against you. You were mad, I was too.”

“I don’t regret writing a book,” Vanya told them, “Five told me that he found it in the apocalypse and that it gave him something to remember us by, but..”

She trailed off and looked into her siblings’ faces, “I wish we could’ve written it together, as a family.”

Klaus tilted his head to the side as if listening to some unknown voice, Ben’s most likely, and smiled, “Well, we could always write a sequel.”

“Oh shit, we can do that.” Diego realized, a wicked grin on his face, “That would be fun to do.”

“Sure,” Vanya laughed, “Sure, let’s do that!”

Luther, who hadn’t said anything for the past couple of minutes, finally moved, scooping the whole family into a giant hug. All of them were smashed against each other’s cheeks and their arms were tangled into a mess of limbs. Laughter echoed around the hall and eventually they were all released, crashing into a pile on the floor.

“Now,” Diego said, standing up and brushing nonexistent dust off his clothes, “Let’s go kick our Dad’s ass.”

* * *

Five wasn’t sure how long he was curled into the fetal position, his head between his knees and wracking sobs shaking his whole body. But it was enough time for an odd feeling of embarrassment to flood over him.

He felt utterly ridiculous the longer he sat there. He was Number Five. The Commission’s top assassin and almost sixty year old apocalypse survivor. Honestly, his dad knowing what was going to happen to him if he time traveled was just another card in the world’s worst hand that he’d apparently been playing with since birth.

Since  _ spontaneous Jesus birth,  _ His brain corrected and he laughed, the sound immediately swallowed by the walls.

Shifting around, he gently pulled his legs up from underneath him and lifted himself off the floor, a pulse of determination flooding through his bones and found to his surprise, he could stand pretty well. Thank God for age regression.

He began to go through his injuries again, this time checking over each one with practiced eyes. The bullet wound from Cha-Cha was clean, no infection. He sighed, checking the other one, which matched his diagnosis. Mom’s careful stitching wasn’t even ripped from all the movement he’d done which was a small miracle in itself. Turning to his broken wrist, he found the split Mom had put on it was broken. Nothing he could do about that.

And finally the concussion, He blinked several times and could feel the room sway back and forth. 

“That might be an issue,” He told an empty room, hearing Delores’ voice mutter back that he was always making a big deal out of everything.

“I don’t.”

_ What about that one time you found a packet of stale peanuts and cried about it? _

“I thought I could make peanut butter out of it, Delores,” He replied, “And I was drunk.”

_ You're always drunk,  _ she complained, and he snorted, “I haven't been drunk since I got here.”

_ It’s been two days, Five,  _ her voice was dry,  _ Probably three now, Don’t give yourself any credit. You were making a margarita when your father came in. _

“If I got drunk over a single margarita, that would be pretty pathetic,” He said, trailing his hand across the foam spikes in the walls, looking for an escape route.

_ You have a new body, Five,  _ Delores said, her voice flat,  _ How would your alcohol tolerance carry over to that? _

“Shit.”

_ You shouldn’t complain,  _ she told him with a teasing edge to her sharp voice,  _ Now you can have all your teeth by the time you hit 40. _

“For the second time,” he told her just because he felt like it.

_ For the second time,  _ she agreed.

Five began to pace back and forth, his head still swimming but definitely less than it had been before. He gazed at the walls with fury, attempting to brainstorm an escape. It really only took a couple of minutes before he gave in to his head’s demands and sat back down.

“I feel useless,” he told Delores, who let out an over dramatic sigh

_ Vanya ran in as you got captured, so you have a witness,  _ she remarked,  _ your siblings are probably coming to get you and no offense to your awful father, but they’re probably going to destroy him. _

“If they can get their heads out of their asses long enough to figure out how to function,” replied Five sarcastically.

Delores seemed like she was about to reply but she suddenly stopped,  _ Your father’s coming back. _

Five looked up from the floor to see his father glaring at him from the window. His father’s face was red and furious and his monocle was crooked on his nose, which looked ridiculous.

“Hey Reginald,” He said, keeping his voice level.

“Number Five,” Reginald replied, sliding into the chamber with a scowl, “Would you like to talk about your experience in the apocalypse now?”

“Not particularly,” Five said honestly, “but I'm sure you’d make me talk about it anyways regardless.”

“You would assume correct, Number Five.”

“Hm,” Five grunted, eyeing the passageway behind his father, “What do you want to know?”

“What killed the human race?”

“No clue.”

“Do you have any ideas, Number Five?”

“I have theories.”

“Let’s hear them.”

“It was the Eiffel Tower flying up into space and then falling onto the Earth, creating a massive explosion,” Five completely bullshitted, his face serious. Delores snickered in his ear.

He could barely see the hand before it was against his cheek, and he felt the cold ground on his face. It felt nice, but his already kinda fuzzy head spun around a bit more. Reginald’s shiny shoes came to a stop in front of his vision and he grabbed Five’s hair and pulled him up to look him in the eyes.

“I’m asking again, Number Five, What are your ideas..”

Five doesn’t get the chance to reply as the doors from the other side of the long, illuminated hallway burst open, creating a loud boom as they crumple to the floor.

* * *

Using patchy memories from Vanya and Allison, the ragtag remains of the Umbrella Academy had found the small elevator in their father’s office, leading down to the basement. It had been an awkward squeeze, especially because of Luther’s massive frame but they had made it fit.

But by the end of the two minute elevator ride, they were cranky and squashed. When they finally stumbled out of the confines of the elevator, Klaus made the mood perfect by falling backwards out of the elevator and throwing up on the floor.

“I hate small spaces,” He told them with a grimace and they all nodded, not willing to unload that at the moment.

Klaus stumbled up to his feet and they all stood in front of two massive iron doors. The lighting down there was weak, giving everything an unnaturally green tint. The doors stood in front of them, the only thing in their way.

“How do we get in there?” Diego asked, just as Luther lifted his foot and literally kicked the door down, flattening it like a pancake.

“Oh shit.”

“Are you so stupid that you forgot Luther had super strength?” Klaus bit out, amused.

“Shut up, Klaus.”

Allison stepped in front of her bickering brothers and spotted an oddly familiar vault door at the end of the hall. Her face went pale and she hesitantly looked at Vanya, whose face could only be described as calmly furious.

“This is it,” Allison breathed to Luther, who gave her a small pat on her shoulder, almost knocking her over. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled as she righted herself with a soft smile, “It’s ok, Luth.”

“We need to get Five,” Vanya told them all, her face more confident than any of them had ever seen her and they all nodded together, and the Umbrella Academy took a step down the long hallway.

As they got closer, they could see the back of their father standing in the vault and shaking something in a rage. A small hand grasped at their father’s suit cuff and pulled, trying to wrench the man off.

“Five!” called Vanya and she found herself running towards the room she’d only seen in her long forgotten nightmares.Their father whipped around, monocle falling off and a bright red face, sweaty and furious.

Five was in his grip, his hair was tangled in their father’s hands and a gritty look on his face, but when he spotted them, his green eyes gleamed. Upon seeing five enraged adults charging at him in a stampede, Reginald let go of Five, who fell onto the floor, unable to get his feet under him. However, his head popped up seconds later with a grin.

Reginald silently stepped out of the vault and shut the door behind him, closing Five in there.

“The Umbrella Academy,” He acknowledged with a sweep of his arm, “And Number Seven.”

Vanya stopped in front of her father, her siblings behind her and her smallest brother trapped behind a sheet of glass. He looked a bit woozy, but ok. His hand reached up and gave them a cheeky wave that Klaus returned.

“Dad,” she said, not sure what else she could say.

Her father cleared his throat, “I’m sure you are wondering why I took Number Five. In the end it came down to, Number Five would not come with me willingly. So I decided to test the effects the future had on him here. And I am glad I did. His..”

He’s cut off by Diego, chucking a knife to the side of his face and snarling, “I don’t give a shit, Dad.”

Diego pointed another knife at Reginald as a warning, “You abducted our brother, in the middle of our sister’s house, no less and now you are trying to justify it? Yea, fuck that.”

Their dad blinked hard and opened his mouth, but Diego but in, “I’m not done asshole. You injected Luther with a serum, without asking for consent, and then were going to send him to the moon for NO REASON? What about Allison? When did you ever tell her that there needs to be control there, not just forcing everyone around her to give her anything she wants? When did you ever pay for Klaus’ rehab? When did you ever give Ben a reason to like his powers?”

He paused, licking his lips and Vanya stepped forward,her arms raised, “And when were you going to tell me about these?”

Her powers activate, the wind and noise drowning out her father’s words that he replied with. Her hair swirled and she’s smiling, gazing at her father’s face that had turned awful and pale and at Five’s shocked face from behind the glass.

She barely even noticed the doors rattling behind her, moving in her swirl of fury until Klaus screamed. “Duck!”

She spun around only to duck under a flying metal door that spun in slow motion directly at her father’s face.

The whole world froze as the siblings watched the door fly through the air directly at their father. Vanya watched in horrified silence as the door collided with his face, smacking him down to the ground. The door didn’t even pause before slamming into the vault door where Five was with a horrible crash.

In the stone-cold silence that greeted them, only one voice spoke.

“Goddamnit Vanya. I said no murder.”

All the siblings looked at Klaus, owl-eyed and staring at their dad. He waved his hands in a dismissive way, “I can’t see his ghost.”

The next sound is a crunching of glass as Five carefully stumbled out of the wrecked vault. His chest heaved and his eyes were definitely dilated in fear, but he looked unharmed by the door flying at his face. He stared at Vanya with impressed horror and made his way over to her shaking body, placing his hand on hers, uttering one sentence.

“What the fuck.”

That seemed to break the spell that had been placed over the Hargreeves and Allison raced over to Vanya and Five, grabbing them both and pulling them into a tight hug. Diego awkwardly walked over to where their father was laying on the floor and began to feel for a pulse. Klaus hovered nervously next to him, his eyes glancing back and forth for a ghost.

Luther seemed conflicted, taking some steps towards their Dad and evidently decided against it and walked over to where Vanya was getting hugged to death. He put his massive hand on Five’s small shoulder and gently pulled him away from the hug, beginning to check Five over for injuries.

They worked with silent effectiveness and finally Klaus raised his arms in triumph, “He’s alive, assholes!”

There’s a collective sigh of relief, not for their Dad but for Vanya, who looked beyond relieved that she hadn't just murdered her father. Allison was the first one to start laughing, her giggles uncontrollable.

“I can’t believe this is all happening before my wedding,” She said in one breath, causing Vanya to sheepishly grin.

“Well, that’s what happens when you put all of us in one area,” Klaus pointed out, “Shit goes sideways.”

“It’s pathetic that that’s true,” interjected Five, brushing of Luther’s concerned hands with annoyance, “I’ve lost all faith in sane interactions when I’m with you dumbasses.”

“Good,” Klaus skipped over to Five, pulling him into a hug that Five desperately attempted to get out of, to no avail.

“Klaus!’ Luther said, “Be careful with Five, he has a concussion.”

“Oh shit,” Klaus gasped, dropping Five instantly, “Sorry about that, Fivey!”

Five rolled his eyes in response before letting out a yelp as Luther scooped him up.

“Hey!”

“Sorry Five,” apologized Luther, holding a protesting Five in his arms, “But I need to carry you out of here to get you to Mom.”

He watched Five’s face as he conflicted with himself in his brain, before begrudgingly accepting being carried. 

“Fine, but if you drop me, I’ll be pissed.”

“Sure Five.”

Five pouted from Luther’s arms as Diego pulled their father’s body out of the rubble. Delicately picking up Reginald’s arms, Diego led the way towards the elevator, followed by Klaus, who was holding his legs. Luther took one look at the elevator’s size and gulped.

“We’re not all going to be able to fit in there,” He told the group, “I’ll stay down here with Five and the rest of you go up.”

With nervous nods back at Luther and Five, the rest of the Hargreeves pile into the elevator together with their father and ride away. Five watched them with hazy eyes and turned his small head to look at Luther.

“Hey Five,” Luther said, his voice softer than he ever imagined it could be, Five blinked sleepily at him.

“Luther,” Five mumbled back, looping his arms around Luther’s neck and sighing, “You’re really big, Luther.”

Snorting with laughter, Luther grinned at Five, “Are you ok, Five?”

“Tired,” mumbled Five, pushing into Luther’s neck. Luther slowly shook his brother’s back, “Hey, Five. You have a concussion, you can’t sleep.”

Five blew a hilariously out of character raspberry at Luther, “But I’m tired.”

Luther hoisted Five up a bit and gave him a soft smile, “When we can get you to Mom, then we can make sure it’s ok for you to sleep, but for now you need to stay awake.”

Five nodded and Luther finally relaxed, rubbing Five’s back. Eventually, the elevator clattered down and Luther with Five in tow made their way into the room, rising up to meet the others.

* * *

The rest of the night was a rush, most of the Hargreeves would later recall. The ambulance lights lit up the streets around the Academy and Reginald was carted away, to the horror of Vanya and the amusement of Klaus, who went around high-fiving EMTs and even struck up a conversation with one who hugged Klaus before moving away.

“What was that?” Allison said to a grinning Klaus, who beamed, “I told him I got sober!”

When they had first emerged from the house, all the flashing lights and sounds and people had freaked out Five, who’d had what looked like a panic attack on the spot. After leading Five away from the noise, Luther remained with him for the rest of the night, in the back of one of the ambulances. Five had gotten the clear from one of the EMTs to sleep and he was curled up in the blankets, his head resting on Luther’s leg. A redheaded EMT was quietly informing Luther on panic attacks as he listened intently, determined to help his brother out.

Diego waved his arms wildly as he argued with Eudora, who was growing more and more angry. If one strained their ears they could hear her shouting about how reckless and irresponsible Diego was and how “he can’t keep doing stupid things” or “one of these days she’s going to have a stroke.”

When the reporters came, Allison headed out to intercept them, shooing Vanya and Klaus away. They ended up heading over towards Diego’s situation with hesitance.

“Hey Diego!” Klaus waved at his brother.

Diego rapidly spun around to see Klaus and Vanya heading over to him. Eudora peeking over his shoulder to see a person she didn’t know. She shoved past him, approaching Vanya with her hand out.

Vanya lifted her hand for a shake, “I’m Vanya.”

Eudora took her hand, “Nice to meet you. I’m Eudora.”

“Hi Eudora!” sang Klaus, taking her hand from Vanya and shaking it. Eudora rolled her eyes.

“Hi Klaus,” She replied, amused, “How’s life?”

“I got sober!” He informed her gleefully and her face morphed from shocked to excited in a heartbeat.

“I’m glad for you, Klaus!” She told an excited Klaus while shooting a significance glance at Diego’s barely hidden pleasure.

“It only took a very traumatizing trip to the Vietnam War,” Klaus bounced on his heels.

“What.”

“Just don’t ask,” Vanya said tiredly, “Just.. It’s not worth it.”

“Got it.”

“In other news,” said Klaus, an odd glint in his eye, “We found that kid that was involved in those shootouts!”

“You did?”

“Yep, turns out he’s a time-traveling assassin that is actually almost sixty years old and lived in an apocalyptic wasteland for more than half that time.”

Eudora’s reply was dry as the desert, “You’re fucking with me.”

“Sadly,” Diego answered before Klaus could, “He’s not.”

“What the fuck,” Eudora said.

“That’s what I said!” 

“You know at this point, I should just accept everything Klaus says as fact because with your family, anything could happen.”

Diego cringed, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Vanya shuffled her feet and wrapped her blanket harder around her body, “That would not be a smart move.”

“Also he’s our brother!” continued Klaus cheerfully

“Honestly,” Eudora commented, “That’s the least surprising thing about him. You have the craziest family out there.”

“We know,” all three of them said at the same time.

At this point, Allison glided over, positively spitting fire out of her mouth. 

“I hate reporters,” She told them all and Eudora nodded with sympathy.

Allison rubbed her temples with her neatly manicured nails, “They’re so  _ nosy.” _

“That’s kind of their job, Ally,” Diego observed, but quickly shut his mouth at Allison’s glare of death.

“Oh wow,” Eudora watched Diego fall silent, “Can you teach me how to do that?”

Allison looked up from the floor she was contemplating smashing her head into, “Sure! And you are?”

“Diego’s girlfriend.”

“I am so sorry for you.”

Diego blanched, “Why is it considered a crime to want to date me?”

“Because you’re dressed in something that looks suspiciously like fetish gear, and I should know that. I’ve seen it way too many times!” Klaus interjected as Eudora snickered at Diego’s expense.

“First, Five. Now you. I swear this family hates me.”

“I don’t hate you,” Vanya mumbled, noticing Diego’s grateful look.

“I have one supporter and that is Vanya, who is now my favorite sibling.”

A happy flush came over Vanya’s pale face and she snuggled back down in her blanket.

“I’m your favorite brother though, right?” Klaus asked Diego, who answered with an eye roll, ‘No Ben is.”

“Ummm,” Eudora glanced back and forth between Diego and Klaus, “Isn't he the one that died?”

“Yes.”

Eudora stared at the heavens with the look of someone who was waiting for a lightning strike to come down and end their pain, “Lord give me mercy.”

It took a while for the whole Hargreeves family to regroup at Diego’s car. About two hours, before Five was cleared and Reginald sent to the hospital, Pogo in tow. The entire family smashed into Diego’s little car, Five sprawled across several laps, asleep and began the long drive towards Allison’s home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a list of the playlists in order from ones with the most songs to least.
> 
> Number Five: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/64UrHWUNFjmLIk5CXTWB5z 
> 
> Klaus: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Wng6pHSQ9cJEnMppemO5p 
> 
> Diego:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2i9nJWdcHJD4Rn4MYHfZv6 
> 
> Allison: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KQU6iMJOZcCTRuBnXcC0z 
> 
> Vanya: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4t35RPM2ZJI4i0gDDqgXvE 
> 
> Ben: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/22GTWbRYGlpyobR01MKBzW 
> 
> Luther: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2OAWB6RshTxLHAkzVWTlT0


	9. Changes (In the Family)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “They called me adorable. I’m not adorable. I’m an assassin.”
> 
> “Yes, but you look thirteen and you’re a pretty small thirteen year old.”
> 
> “I’m not that small.”
> 
> “Yes you are dipshit.”
> 
> “Am not.”
> 
> “Are too!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired, this is longest chapter by far.
> 
> This entire wedding is based off of my aunt's wedding that I went to eight years ago, but honestly, I didn't really timeline this right so it's messy but hey?

Bless Grace because as soon as her children arrived at the front door of Allison’s house, she let them all inside, promising hot cocoa and blankets. The Hargreeves slowly fumbled their way through the house, eventually all collapsing in the living room, exhausted. Grace easily navigated through her children, pressing her hand to their foreheads and gently chiding them for staying out so late. When spotting Five, resembling an angry kitten wrapped in blankets, she gave him a smile and pressed a mug of hot cocoa into his hand. She moved on to Vanya, handing her a rag to wipe her face which was drenched in tears and sweat. Vanya smiled thinly at the gesture.

The Hargreeves sat together in comfortable silence, listening to the familiar sound of Grace working in the kitchen. No one moved for a long while, until Klaus stood up and announced that he was going to bed. 

Glad one of them had had the courage to say it first, the other Hargreeves dispersed to their respective rooms, with small goodbyes.

The morning was an entirely different story.

It started with an angry argument between Allison and Patrick, shouting at each other in the middle of the living room, waking up the entire house. When they converged on the living room, all of them in sleepy fighting stances, Patrick and Allison were sobbing with remorse and practically on top of each other on the couch.

“Just what I wanted to see, first thing in the morning,” complained Diego as Klaus shushed him, “I think it’s sweet!”

The second bomb to drop was the fact that one of them would have to head over to the hospital to sign off on their father’s recovery, starting another massive fight in the living room which Five managed to get out of by claiming, “he was legally dead and legally underage.” and then sat watching the chaos unfold.

“You’re loving this aren’t you?” Patrick asked a hysterically laughing Five.

“Of course I am.”

Eventually Diego was selected as the one to go, although he had fought the hardest of them all for the right to not be the one.

Allison had told him that he was the one most suited to go because, “Luther is too big, I’m too famous, Klaus is supposed to be in rehab, Five is underage, Ben is dead and Vanya shouldn’t be anywhere near Dad for the rest of her life.”

Diego had left in a huff, only flipping them off when Klaus yelled, “You might want to lose the fetish gear while walking through a hospital!”

The next bomb to go off was the bachelorette and bachelor parties that Allison had completely forgotten about, only to be cut off in her panic by Patrick, who had apparently planned the entire thing ahead of time.

Thus began another romantic couple moment on the couch ruined by Five bluntly telling them to “get a fucking room.”

Then the doorbell rang, Vanya getting up to go get it, only to be assaulted by two very peppy people with fancy clothes. They apologized for literally running into Vanya, saying that they “thought she was Allison,” which made very little sense.

These two people introduced themselves as Samantha and Audrey, two of Allison’s Hollywood friends. Vanya, overwhelmed and unsure, let them fly past her, bursting into the living room with loud shouts, making Five jump and startling Luther into dropping the box of party poppers he was carrying.

“Hey Allison!” Samantha said, not noticing the chaos she’d caused with her arrival, “We’re here to check up on you. We know it must’ve been overwhelming with the wedding and last night so we came to offer our support and help!”

Grateful they’d bothered to show up, Allison replied smoothly, “All you have to do is load the car with all the supplies and then we’ll be ready.”

Audrey, noticing the weird mess of people in Allison’s house, asked, ”Is this your family?”

Allison’s eyes glanced through each of her siblings before nodding, “Yea they are.”

“Then you should introduce us!”

With a heavy sigh, Allison led them through each of her siblings, each Hargreeves getting commented on by the two girls. Luther was called, “really hot,” which left him a weird confused mess, Klaus called “cool,” making him puff out his chest and repeat the phrase to an invisible Ben for emphasis. Five was “adorable,” which made him glower at them and silently plot his revenge and Vanya was “sweet”, leaving her nervously picking at her sweater. 

Allison, sensing the weird tension in the air, carefully moved her friends outside to help Patrick finish packing the car.

“Sorry about that you guys,” She told her siblings, reeling from the decimation those two girls had laid upon them, “I thought they’d have more tact than that.”

“No one in Hollywood has tact, Ally,” Klaus said knowledgeably, “That’s what makes it Hollywood.”

“They called me adorable,” Five muttered into his coffee, “I’m not adorable. I’m an assassin.”

“Yes, but you look thirteen,” Klaus told him, his voice flat, “and you’re a pretty small thirteen year old.”

Five shifted, tapping his coffee mug, “I’m not that small.”

“Yes you are dipshit.”

“Am not.”

“Are too!”

“As thoroughly entertaining as this is,” Allison drawled, “I’m going to have to leave you to it.”

She left with the grace of someone used to dramatic exits, leaving Vanya alone to deal with both Five and Klaus, a volatile combination. In the end of the massive pillow fight that ensued, only one of Allison’s things was destroyed. Klaus counted that as a win. Five and Vanya not so much.

* * *

**Days Till the Wedding: 4**

* * *

“Why do we have to help you with this again?” complained Klaus, scratching his leg and looking out the window.

“Because you’re my family so now you have to deal,” Allison said, with an amused look at Klaus’ bored face.

“Are we there yet?” whined Klaus, hitting the seat of Allison’s car with a frustrated grunt.

“We are now!” She said, pulling into the stony driveway, her tires crunching on the path. As the doors unlocked, Klaus flew out of the car, inhaling the sweet air of the mountains.

“This is really pretty, Ally,” He remarked, taking in the view around him with a sigh, “It’s perfect for a wedding.”

When choosing a place to get married, Allison and Patrick had decided on doing something natural, like a cliffside or a beach. After several brief arguments about a beach being cliche and cliffside being way too dangerous, Allison had found a flower farm in the nearby mountains willing to host them. Overjoyed, she’d shown Patrick and they both agreed that it was the perfect place. However it was several hours away from her house, and Allison was one for getting her hands dirty, so they had also decided to get to the flower farm days early and set up the entire wedding themselves, a grueling task, but realistic.

Allison waited in the parking lot of the farm, letting Klaus roam around and explore.

Wandering through the hordes of flowers, Klaus gently held some in his hands. He stared at them for a long moment before leaving, headed towards a row of pink and red flowers. Swinging his head back and forth, he appeared to be searching for something, before his eyes landed on a small patch of familiar flowers.

“Dave.”

_ When marching through the forests of Vietnam, there had been patches of color, spots dancing in the vision of Klaus. He’d mostly regarded them as side effects from the obscene amount of drugs he had been on, since no one else had ever mentioned them. Until Dave did. _

_ “Those are native to here,” Dave told Klaus when he spotted Klaus looking at them, “They’re chrysanthemums.” _

_ “They’re beautiful,” breathed Klaus.  _

_ “Yea,” Dave replied, gently trailing his hand on Klaus’ back, “They are.” _

Tears dripped down Klaus’ face and he bowed his head over the batch of chrysanthemums, Ben floating by him in respectful silence. Hand trembling, Klaus reached out and picked one of the heads off, placing it in his pocket and moving back towards where Allison was waiting.

She was tapping her foot and crossing her arms when Klaus came over, but she took one look at his face and reached out and touched his shoulder, “Are you ok, Klaus?”

“Whatever do you mean?” Klaus grinned with false cheeriness and Allison sighed, “You didn’t put on waterproof mascara today, Klaus.”

“Oh.”

She gently took his face and wiped black-stained tears from his cheek, “I know you might not want to talk about it. But, I’m here for you. Ok?”

Hand shaking, Klaus carefully took her hand off him and held it, “Ok. I will talk about it, someday. But today isn’t that day.”

With a caring smile on her face, Allison turned back to the street, her hand in Klaus’. As they stared off into the distant, waiting for the rest of the siblings to arrive, Allison cleared her throat.

“I wanted to ask you,” Allison started as Klaus glanced at her, “Remember when we were kids and we’d do our makeup and nails together?”

“Of course!” 

“I was wondering if you’d want to do my makeup for my wedding day?” 

Klaus blinked a couple of times, staring at his sister’s face in shock, “You.. want  _ me….  _ To do it Don’t you have some fancy designer that can?”

“Yea, duh,” scoffed Allison, “But I want my wedding to be normal. Not Hollywood. No press. It’s why I invited you all in the first place.”

“That’s really big of you, Ally.”

She beamed, “Thank you! But there will be some press that manage to sneak in, but you know what? I don’t care that much!”

Klaus gave his sister a beaming grin, “Cool! Maybe if the press come, Our pure chaos will scare them away.”

Snorting with laughter, Allison looked back towards the road, “Well what do you think? Will you do it?”

“Of course!” Klaus’ smile felt a bit more real, “I’d love too!”

“Good, cause if you didn’t want to I was going to resort to asking Diego and we all know how that would turn out.”

Barking a startled laugh, Klaus turned back to the road just as a massive truck drove up the street, blasting music. The truck stopped next to Allison’s car which was utterly dwarfed by the sheer mass of the car. The rest of their siblings piled out of the car, each wearing a different facial expression. Patrick and Grace followed behind them and Patrick walked over to Allison, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before clapping, “Let’s unload!”

With the trunk opened the siblings prepared to unload the massive amount of boxes. Grace sitting on the sidelines with a scowling Five, who, due to his size and broken wrist, wasn’t allowed to carry boxes. He complained about this to Grace and she smiled, her hand ruffling his hair. Five let out an undignified squawk, teleporting away from her, to her amusement.

The other began to work, Luther handling all the bigger crates containing the chairs and wedding arches. Diego had insisted that he could do those too, only to collapse exhausted after carrying about three of them, which made Klaus laugh.

“It’s like a dick-measuring contest,” he told a blank-faced Vanya, “Only it’s their masculinity being targeted!”

Klaus, for his part, was trying to be helpful, but he mostly just threw random boxes into random piles, leaving Five to clean up and organize the piles. Patrick and Allison were gently moving boxes like they were children, placing them in piles like they feared the boxes would fall apart. 

Vanya held a trash bag in her hands and picked up the trash that fell on the floor. She kept nervously glancing at Allison, like she was thinking about something.

It was another peaceful Hargreeves scene so it was only a matter of time before something happened. This time it was Luther, tripping on an exposed root and dropping a pile of boxes. However right before they hit the floor, two ghostly blue tentacles caught them. Following the tentacles back to the person, every one of them could see the ghostly silhouette of Ben, staring back at them.

“Ben?” asked Vanya cautiously, as he moved the boxes back to Luther’s arms. Luther took them on instinct, gaping at Ben like a beached whale. Ben threw up a peace sign before fading away, leaving Klaus blinking at thin air, his hands clenched into fists.

Patrick broke yet another awkward silence with a flat, “Who was that?”

“Ben.”

* * *

**Days Til the Wedding: 3**

* * *

Getting all of her siblings except Allison into one place without any fighting was a miracle in itself, Vanya told herself as she sat in a circle in the middle of a field with all of her brothers. They all sat staring at her, making her very very uncomfortable if she was honest, but she shook it off, determined to execute her plan.

Sitting in the middle of this circle of siblings was a massive amount of seeds, flower seeds, in every color. Vanya clapped her hands together, ready to start.

“So!” She said, attempting to sound peppy, “I was chatting with Allison’s florist, Gloria.”

“You mean that cute girl that you’re dating?” asked Klaus, ignoring the furious blush on Vanya’s face.

“We aren’t dating officially,” insisted Vanya as Klaus clicked his tongue at her, “She’s your date to the wedding, I think you're dating!”

“Klaus,” Diego reprimanded, “Let her finish.”

She sent him a silent look of thanks and took a deep breath and picked up one of the seeds, “So we were thinking, what if we went to the wedding with umbrellas, but made of flowers?”

Upon seeing the looks on her brothers’ faces, she blurted out the rest of her plan, “You know, Gloria was like.. You should do something with flowers because that’s the wedding theme and you guys are the Umbrella Academy.. And I was like.. Yea that sounds great, but what should I do? And she was like… Why don’t we decorate umbrellas with flowers? And I was like…”

“Stop!” She fell silent as Klaus raised a tattooed hand, “I love that idea Van.”

Raising her head to meet her brother’s faces, they all have smiles on their faces, some bigger than others, but they all look pleased. A cautious smile forms on her face and she gestured to the packets on the floor around them, “So we wanted you guys to choose your flowers that go on your umbrellas!”

There was an immediate scramble as they flailed around trying to find flowers that they liked. The only one who didn’t dive for the packets was Klaus, who headed over to Vanya with a determined gleam in his eyes.

“I would like pink chrysanthemums on mine.” he said, oddly serious and Vanya nodded, jotting down the name on a notepad she brought with her.

Diego carefully handed Vanya a packet of red petunias, with slight hesitance, before bolting away like he’d been burned. Luther and Five approached at the same time, both holding different flowers. Luther with a small packet of heather and Five with blue hyacinths. Finally the ghost of Ben floated towards her, hands twisting over a packet.

After the accidental summoning yesterday, Klaus had been working for hours on purposefully summoning Ben, determined to keep Ben there throughout the entire wedding in a couple of days. Most of the siblings had begun to get used to seeing little flickers of Ben around the flower farm, but still seeing him there took her breath away every time.

He gently handed her a bag of zinnias, his eyes soft but his hands cold. 

“It’s a perfect idea, Vanya,” he whispered, pressing the pack into her hands before vanishing. 

Vanya took a small breath before approaching the pile herself, plucking out white peonies without a drop of hesitation, taking a deep breath before rushing towards the phone to make a call to Gloria.

* * *

**Days Til the Wedding: 2**

* * *

Ben had been slowly getting used to things again. Breathing, touching things, walking instead of floating. He could now do these things for hours upon hours, something he hadn’t realized how much he missed until it stared him in the face. In his honest opinion, the flower farm was better than rehab for Klaus, because of its fresh air and warm sunshiny days. It was relaxing. 

Ben was taking one of these nature walks, enjoying the view when he heard some rustling from the porch of the small farmhouse. Cautiously he approached the sound, prepared for a battle, but then he spotted a familiar head of hair in the bushes.

“Five?”

Five flipped around startled, eyes panicked before relaxing when he saw Ben, “Oh, Hey Ben.”

Ben leaned down so that he was next to Five’s smaller frame, “Hey Five. Whatcha doing?”

“Looking,” Five said, sounding way too much his physical age, “At these guys.”

Ben got a bit closer, Five scooting back and allowing Ben to peer through the bushes at.. 

A dog. Ben was confused, Five had said multiple things and…Oh my god..

“Puppies,” He said as Five nodded, excitedly.

“And aren’t you going to do something about it?” Ben asked his brother who blinked at him. 

“What would I do about a group of puppies?” Five muttered, scratching his leg. He was wearing some of the clothes he and Vanya had picked out at the store and it was beyond weird to see him in any other clothes other than the itchy Academy uniform.

“Pet them,” Ben told him dully, “Pet the dogs, Five.”

“Oh,” said Five, like the thought had never even occurred to him.

He gently crawled forward through the bushes towards the group of puppies, his hand shaking. But, right before he could touch one, he got mobbed by a massive pile of puppies. Bursting into laughter, Ben could only watch in practically hysterics as Five was buried under a pile of puppy bodies.

“Five!” Ben finally shoved his way through the bushes to attempt to pull Five away from the dogs, but stopped when he saw Five was laughing.

The dogs were covering Five in kisses and he was making poor attempts to push them off, but was unwilling to actually hurt the puppies. Eventually shaking himself free of the grass, Five sat up with a pile of dogs in his lap.

“You look like a mess,” Ben informed him, because he did. There was dead flowers and grass pushed into his hair and he had dirty paw prints marring his face. But there was a grin on his face that stopped any more snide remarks from Ben. Five looked at his brother and then patted the grass next to him, an invitation to sit, which Ben accepted. He sat with his legs crossed and Five carefully lifted one of the puppies onto Ben’s ghostly lap.

“You know, there weren’t any animals in the apocalypse,” Five murmured, hands trailing down one of the puppies backs, “I mean, there were bugs. But no mammals or fish.”

Ben swallowed. He and Klaus hadn’t been there for Five’s tale of the apocalypse but if it was anything like he guessed it could be, it wasn’t pretty.

“It must be weird to be back, then,” Ben said softly, trying to steer Five away from the apocalypse, “Seeing all this.”

Five shrugged, watching one of the puppies squirm, “It definitely is. People were the hardest to get used to again, after so long alone. The first year in the Commission was hell.” He exhaled, “But being here, on this farm. I kinda forgot about all the nature, and the outdoors, while I was there. It’s nice.”

Ben nodded with a smile, “Yea, I can only imagine. Being dead,” He watched Five tense up and relax before continuing , “It’s shit,” Five let out a small snort.

“I couldn’t do anything, I watched Klaus do all sorts of stupid shit and he didn’t even listen to me cause I was dead,” Ben said wistfully, “Even though he’s the only one who could hear me say anything.”

“Was it really that bad?” 

“Yea, Klaus did all sorts of crazy stuff. I was kinda on the sidelines, but I did try to help him a lot too. Through all the ODs and the rehab. I was there, yelling at him to get himself together.”

“That’s good.”

Five pet one of the dogs thoughtfully, before blurting out, “I missed you Ben.”

“I missed you too, you little asshole.”

“Klaus must have rubbed off on you. You used to not be such a dick”

“Unfortunately, he did.”

Five cocked an eyebrow with a smirk, “I don’t think that’s a bad thing.”

“Well, I’m glad because your opinion matters to me.”

Unable to respond, Five eased slowly up, upsetting the mob of puppies that tumbled out of his lap, yipping. He brushed the dirt off his body and held out his hand to Ben.

“We need to go to the rehearsal dinner.”

Ben snorted at Five’s dirt covered face, “Not like that you aren’t. Let’s at least take a shower first.”

A look of disgust flitted briefly over Five’s face, sending Ben into another wave of laughter, “Klaus is right, you are a dirt gremlin.”

“Shut up, Ben.”

* * *

**Days Til the Wedding: 1**

* * *

The day of the bachelor and bachelorette parties were upon them and Allison was practically pulling her hair out. All of her friends, who had checked into nearby motels, were heading over to the little farmhouse in a couple of hours. What worried her more, were the reporters who would converge on the house with the guests. She paced back and forth as Vanya and Gloria sat watching her.

“This is a disaster!” Allison growled, “What if the guys do something stupid and the press has a field day and then..”

“You're stressing yourself out,” Gloria told her, “I met you this morning, Allison and I can already tell that you're overthinking things.”

Vanya nodded, “And they know you were in the Academy, they probably know it’s a given with your family.”

Gloria sighed, “I’ve already figuring that out.”

“I can’t believe this,” Allison’s heels clacked and Vanya rolled her eyes, “Nothing has even happened yet.”

“I”m just stressed,” She said, spinning around. Behind her, Diego walked into the room and saw Allison, immediately leaving the room in a hurry, desperate to not get caught up in her wave of rage.

“We all know how to deal with media, Allison,” tried Vanya, but Allison rolled her eyes, “I'm not afraid of that, I’m afraid that they’re going to catch us horribly out of context! Did you hear Klaus yesterday, rating sex toys? That was the grossest thing I’ve ever heard and I’m his SISTER!”

“Don’t forget the ghost brother,” offered Gloria, immediately getting shushed by Vanya. Gloria rolled her eyes and continued, “Or the guy wearing fetish gear or your brother who looks like he’s literally made out of a brick.”

“Thanks, Gloria,” Allison said sarcastically, “I feel  _ so much better. _ ”

“Glad to help.”

“Allison!” called a distant voice, stopping Allison’s tirade. A glossed up Patrick entered the room, took one look at his fiance’s face and attempted to leave. Allison rushed over to him and grabbed his hand, “Patrick, tell me that I’m not crazy.”

He took her face with his hand and looked her in the eyes, “Allison Hargreeves.”

“Yes?” she replied breathlessly.

“It’s all going to work out,” Patrick breathed, coming closer to Allison’s face, “You have nothing to worry about, alright?”

Allison pulled herself closer to him and nodded, her hair brushing Patrick’s nose, “I know, I’m just worried and nervous.”

As the two swayed back and forth together, Vanya and Gloria carefully left the room, not once looking back as Allison and Patrick whispered together. 

“Did you get all the umbrellas done?” Vanya asked Gloria as they walked outside to Gloria’s car. Gloria gave her wide smile and pulled out a box with the words written on it, ‘For the Umbrella Academy.’

In a burst of excitement, Vanya threw her arms around Gloria and pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, Gloria!”

Gloria patted Vanya’s back with a grin, “Let’s get ready for that bachelorette party.”

* * *

**Days till the Wedding; 0**

**Hours till the wedding: 3**

* * *

“God, I’m just so utterly nervous,” Allison fretted, tugging at her newly curled hair. Klaus made a noncommittal hum of sympathy, brushing more concealer onto her face. 

“You know how it is, All the, Am I making the right decision bullcrap,” She said, tugging at the red clips in her hair. 

“Well,” Klaus said through the massive amount of brushed clenched in his teeth, “Do you love Patrick?”

She rolled her eyes, “That’s the most cliche question to ask ever, Klaus. Come up with something better.”

He snorted as he began running glue onto fake eyelashes, “It’s a valid one though. Are you willing to spend your life with him?”

“Of course!”

“Then I don’t know why you’re so worked up about it,” Klaus said sensibly, gently placing one of the fake eyelashes on her eyelid.

“I guess, I just want this marriage to feel as real as possible,” She ran a finger through her hair, “ No reporters, no rumors that sort of thing.”

“I mean, Luther’s already scared pretty much anyone away anyways,” Klaus said with a snicker, putting the final touches on her eyes.

“Ok!”

Allison opened her eyes to be met with herself. Klaus had obviously taken the time highlight all her best features, but in a natural way that most of her normal makeup artists couldn’t. She stared at her own face in the mirror in absolute shock.

“Do you like it?” Klaus said, his normally peppy voice tinged with nerves, “I wanted to make sure you looked great for your big day! Though I haven’t done your lipstick, because you still have to put on your dress and jewelry.”

“Klaus it’s good.” She whispered, “Really, really good.”

His eyes light up in a way that reminded her of when they were kids, curled up in her room, doing nails at 3 in the morning. He jumped on her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and gave her a massive hug. Laughing, she hugged him back quickly and pulling away, “I don’t want to ruin your work!”

“Oh shit!” Klaus gasped, giving her a quick once over, “No, no, no. You’re ok! Thank god.”

Allison stood up, brushing her hair behind her shoulder, eyes twinkling, “Do you want to see the dress?”

“Hell… yes.”

Allison headed into the bedroom, Klaus trailing behind her. She reached into the closet that she had used to carefully hide the dress from Patrick, pulling out a hanger with a red and white dress on it.

“Oh wow,” breathed Klaus, using a finger to touch the fabric.

The dress was white and strapless, and had a red ribbon that was meant to be tied around the waist. The skirt portion of the dress had swirls of red lace spiraling down the long train. The edges of the dress had red tinges to them, giving the look of rose petals with a matching veil.

“I love it,” Klaus said, staring at the dress with a hunger, “When this is over, you have to let me try it on.”

“Sure,” Allison agreed easily, laughing at Klaus’ utterly shocked face, “Seriously?”

“Yea, just don’t rip it or anything.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it!”

“I do have to ask, though,” Klaus glanced at her, “What’s with the red?”

Cocking her head to the side, Allison looked down at the dress, “I wanted to try and break out of the stereotypes, I guess. When I was picking it out, I realized that I wanted to do something that represented both things I was trying to honor. The traditional white, and then bright red. Remembering both the past wedding traditions and going forward.”

“Huh,” Klaus muttered, “You’ve put a lot of thought into this.”

“Not really,” Allison said, “It was more like, Will the press call me boring for doing plain white or will they shame me for not doing traditional white.? But at the end of the day, I realized that didn’t matter as much as my own opinion did. Since it’s my wedding and all.”

“Hell yea, it is,” Klaus said cheerfully, “I’m going to go check up on our brothers, but I was told to let you know that Vanya’s handling a lot of the guests as your ‘maid of honor’ and I think she’s doing a great job.”

“Well, tell her I said thank you,” responded Allison with a fond shake of her head.

Klaus walked towards the door, giving her an awkward finger guns, “I’ll be back soon to do your lipstick and stuff!”

“Sounds great!”

* * *

**Days Til the Wedding: 0**

**Hours till the Wedding: 1**

* * *

Luther stood in the corner of the field awkwardly watching the guests crowd around the drink table. Afraid he’d turn around and accidentally take someone out, he drummed his fingers on his glass. People gave him glances and then turned away, heading away from him and towards less intimidating individuals.

Then he felt a tap on his back, turning around to see Vanya, with a large cardboard box in her hand. She honestly looked like she was struggling to hold it up, but she reached inside the box and pulled out an umbrella made of a metal frame and heather flowers. His hand trembling, he took the umbrella from her smaller hand. 

“Thanks Vanya,” he said, a gentle smile on his face which she returned.

“Why don’t you come over with the rest of us?” She asked him, “You look super awkward here in the corner and Diego told me to get you over there because- and I’m quoting him here- look pathetic.”

“Oh.”

“Hey,” she said, her voice softer, “I want you to come over with us, and so does Diego, even if he’s being an ass about it.”

“Yea, I’m sure he does,” Luther muttered, but followed Vanya over to their family, who were all standing near one of the snack tables, watching Klaus shovel a massive amount of lemon bars into his mouth.

Five’s gaze was a million miles away but he had a filled champagne glass in his hand, and he took a sip occasionally. He was wearing a blue suit with a white flower in the lapel and leaned on his blue hyacinth umbrella. Next to him was a mannequin in a matching blue and white blouse.

Diego was not wearing his fetish gear, but dressed in a sharp black suit with a red tie. Eudora was next to him in a sleek black dress. She straightened his tie with a pinched expression, hands working expertly. Diego’s red petunia umbrella was at his side and he kept tapping the floor with it.

Ben’s ghostly form was somehow in a suit, but he kept awkwardly disappearing when any other guests got to close to him, fascinated by the blue floating man in the middle of the ceremony. Ben’s umbrella was propped on the table, being unable to carry it due to his frequent disappearing.

Klaus wore black leggings and a frilly pink dress, paired with black combat boots. A bit of an odd combo, but Klaus somehow made it work for him. His chrysanthemum umbrella hung at his side, tangled in his spiked belt.

Clothed in an all-white suit, Vanya stood next to Gloria, who was in a long white dress. The two women were talking in low voices, hands close but never touching. Vanya’s umbrella was held by the two of them, fingers curled around the handle.

Itching his neck, Luther was in a grey suit with purple flowers in his lapel. He awkwardly cleared his throat, ready to address the whole family.

“Guys.”

They all turned to him, their leader, their brother, and the oldest (in a way), with expectant faces. Six of them, with two new ones, but the swell in Luther’s chest was big, “Let’s make sure this is the best wedding anyone’s ever been to.”

“Oh,” said Klaus, tipping a lemon bar at Luther, “It already is,” He slowly pushed the entire lemon bar in his mouth as they all watched in horror.

“Those lemon bars are disgusting, Klaus,” Eudora said, gently taking a piece from the pile of lemon bar rubble and popping it into her mouth, grimacing at the flavor, “There’s too much lemon.”

“There can never be too much lemon,” Klaus sagely replied, “Diego knows, Remember when I told you that lemons where just yellow oranges?”

“We were seven,” Diego replied dryly, but Eudora’s head swiveled to glance at her boyfriend in a look of abject horror.

“YOU ATE WHOLE LEMONS?”

“Does he still eat raw eggs too?” Five piped up, “That was becoming a thing when I left.”

“Raw EGGS??”

Diego’s hand scratched the back of his head sheepishly, “They have a lot of nutrients that’s good for you.”

“SALMONELLA DIEGO!,” Hands gripped his shoulders and Eudora stared him in the eyes, “SALMONELLA!”

Diego rolled his eyes, glaring at Five and Klaus like ‘do you see what you’ve done?’ Five sipped his champagne, unconcerned and Klaus stuck out his tongue at his brother.

Luther sighed and Vanya nervously glanced at Gloria, who had an amused grin on her face which made Vanya relax again.

“Hey!” said an unfamiliar voice, making the entire Hargreeves family look at them. An older man in a fancy looking suit was glaring at them, “Who let you hooligans into this wedding?”

“The bride,” Ben said flatly. The man’s red face grew even redder, “Well, then she shouldn’t have! You’re ruining this scene and you’re acting like animals.!”

“We’re her family,” Luther told him, “Her adopted family.”

At that moment, Grace walked over in her light blue dress and gave Diego a peck on the cheek, “Hello sweetheart!”

The man’s face went pale and he sputtered a couple of words before spinning and running away, Grace watched him go with a confused glance, “Was it something I said?”

“Of course, not, Mom.” answered Vanya.

* * *

**Days Til the Wedding: 0**

**Hours Till the Wedding: 0**

* * *

Allison stood at the end of the aisle, balancing on her feet and twisting her hands around each other. Everything was going perfectly, she realized, perfectly except… 

She didn’t have a bouquet. 

Fuck.

“Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my..”

Something was pushed into her hands and she stared.

It was an umbrella, decorated with red and white roses. She blinked at it, and then raised her head to meet Mom’s eyes.

“Hello sweetheart,” Mom said, hugging her, “Congratulations!”

Hugging her quickly back, Allison pulled away as Mom’s hands trailed down her face, “You look beautiful darling.”

“Thank you,” Allison acknowledged, touching the umbrella, “What is this?”

“Your bouquet!” Mom said cheerfully, “Gloria made you a umbrella bouquet in Vanya’s request.” She lifted another umbrella covered in baby blue flowers that blended with her dress seamlessly.

“Oh, wow.” Allison trailed her fingers down the umbrella, “That’s amazing, I’ll have to thank her later.”

“I’ll pass on the message,” Mom said, hooking her elbow around Allison’s, “We should get moving.”

“Wait..”

Allison’s head raised to meet her mother’s calm gaze, “You’re walking me down the aisle?”

“Of course!”

Allison felt the tears build up but she sniffed hard, trying to drain the tears away.

“Thanks Mom,” Allison murmured, “Thanks so much.”

“It’s no big deal,” said Mom, pulling her towards the aisle, “Let’s go.”

When Allison took her first step on the aisle, her heels clicking, the first person she saw was Patrick, in a black suit watching her with his jaw open. His eyes glittered and his smile was the biggest she’d ever seen. The world fell away and she took her steps towards Patrick and her future, her Mom at her side.

Eyes trailing, the other people she’d invited to the wedding became blurs of noise and color. Until she spotted her siblings in the front row and almost choked. They all had umbrellas in their hands, decorated in flowers and genuine smiles that she hadn’t seen since they were kids on their faces. She took her time drinking in each of their faces, Luther’s big eyes and hesitant smile, Diego’s face scrunched like he was trying not to cry, Klaus’ wide teary eyes and proud grin, Five’s small smirk and drunken flush, Ben’s wide smile and wet face and Vanya’s awkward grin and thin smile.

She looked back towards Patrick and finally, stopped, climbing the steps towards Patrick and the Officiant. She stood tall in her dress and faced Patrick, holding his hands in hers, gently rubbing between his fingers.

“We are gathered here today,” began the officiant and Patrick and Allison’s face glowed with pride and love.

* * *

**Days Till the Wedding: 0**

**Hours After the Wedding: 1**

* * *

While the wedding had been nice and all, Klaus was really looking foreward to the after party. For the food and drinks and the dancing! In all the different kinds of parties Klaus had been to, he’d never been to a wedding party before. He watched the other wedding guests talk amongst themselves. They looked bored. 

Allison had disappeared into the crowd after her first dance with Patrick, quickly followed by Vanya and Gloria and Diego and Eudora. Now, Klaus was alone at the Umbrella Academy table with Ben, Luther, Five and (technically) Delores. He watched the dancers as they slowly danced to classical music. His eye twitched.

“Aren’t wedding afterparties supposed to be really fun?” He asked Ben, who shrugged, “This one is really boring.”

“I wouldn't know,” Five said, his voice slurry, “Ive never been to a wedding before.” He gave Delores a mournful look.

“You never got married to your mannequin wife?” 

“Itssa unofficial marriage,” Five said proudly, easily ignoring the ‘mannequin’ part.

“We need to make this a more exciting wedding,” Klaus decided as Luther groaned into his wine glass.

“Aww,” sneered Five, “Iss the wine too much for you, Shpace?” Klaus rolled his eyes, glancing at Five’s drunken thirteen year old face, “Luther’s less drunk than you right now, Fivey.”

“Shut up,” slurred Five, looking at Delores’ face, “I’mn not drunk.”

“Yea, you are,” Ben said patting Five’s back, “Your little body can’t handle all this alcohol.”

Upon hearing this revelation, Five burst into tears, “I.. just whish I wassnt thirteen.”

“I know Five,” replied Ben, sympathetically, only making Five sob harder, “I should be gratefull I have all my teeth now. I can FEEL them.” He clacked his teeth together, “Theres no toothpaste in t’apocalypse.”

“That sucks, Five.”

“I also miss the beard.”

“The what.”

“The beard!” Five gestured to his face, “I misse the beard.”

“Why the fuck would you have a beard?”

“No razors in t'apocalypse.”

“Makes sense.”

Five blearily set his head on the table, sighing and Klaus spoke up again, “What will we do?”

“About what?”

“This sad dancing!” Klaus pointed to the group of people slow dancing, “This is a goddamn party, and this is pathetic!”

“Then do something about it Klaus!” Ben said, with an eye roll, “Stop complaining and do something.”

“You know, what. MAYBE I WILL!”

Klaus jumped off the seat where he was and stormed off towards the DJ booth, the others watching him go.

“This will end badly,” Ben decidedly stated.

“Are you going to do something about it?” muttered Luther, gazing at his arm as though it’s a work of art.

“Hell no, I want to see where this goes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weddings just aren't my thing, but i did try so i'm giving myself an A for effort and a D for execution.


	10. (My Life As) The White Violin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yea, Do you want dinner?”
> 
> “You suck at cooking and you know it.”
> 
> “Not any worse than you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're at the end! 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading this fic!
> 
> (This is the shortest chapter by far and I'm sorry if y'all are disappointed or something)

**Excerpts from Article: The Wedding of Allison Hargreeves: All the Incredible Details from this Incredible Night! by Stella McNamara**

_ It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity to be at the union of famed actress, Allison Hargreeves and model, Patrick Hendrickson. The soiree was held at a remote flower farm owned by Peggy Limwit and her husband Joel, who were “absolutely stunned beyond words” by Allison’s request to hold her wedding at their farm. _

_ ~~ _

_ However tragedy struck just days before the wedding as Allison’s eccentric billionaire father, Reginald Hargreeves was rushed to the hospital on account of a major head injury. His condition remained unsteady throughout the days leading up to the wedding, although some friends of Reginald noted that during the wedding, Allison seemed “dismissive” of her father’s condition, even some going as far to say that she “didn’t care at all.” _

_ ~~ _

_ Another amazing surprise was the reappearance of the Umbrella Academy during the ceremonies. The Umbrella Academy were famed child-superheroes active throughout the years 2001-2006, before the tragic death of one of the most well liked members, The Horror. Allison, despite being a former member of the Academy, has largely remained silent over the whereabouts and conditions of the members currently alive, but it appeared that all of them remerged for their sister’s wedding. Several guests even spotted the ‘secret’ seventh Academy member, Vanya Hargreeves, the known author of the tell-all Academy book, Extra-Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven. _

_ ~~ _

_ Guests at the wedding were sparked into action when Academy member, Klaus Hargreeves aka the Seance, hijacked the DJ booth, turning the party into a more wild and festive one. The party lasted long through the night and when interviewed,  _ _ Samantha Rankin, Clarence Rankin’s daughter admitted, “it was definitely one of the best wedding parties, I’ve ever been too,” although she had “no idea why there was a drunk thirteen year old there.” _

_ ~~ _

_ After the Academy’s reunion at their sister’s wedding, many of their former fans would love to know if they were considering a full-on reunion, fighting crime. Allison has not responded to any comments and has not released any info regarding the Umbrella Academy and their possible resurgence. _

* * *

“Huh,” said Allison, smiling at the ring on her finger, “The reporters got into the wedding.”

It had been about a week since the wedding had occurred and already things were beginning to change for her and her family. Klaus, Ben and Five had moved back into the mansion with Luther, all four of them promising that they’d come visit her. They’d gotten to keep one of the puppies from the farm for Five, the nice lady that owned the place giving him the dog because “it looked like he’d needed it.” Grace had gone with them with a pile of legal papers and a lawyer to get custody of a legally underage Five, who insisted he could ‘take care of himself’ and ‘could survive being legally dead,’ irony that wasn’t lost on her. Vanya and Diego had both gone back to their respective jobs, both hugging her on the way out and handing over their phone numbers, that she had plugged into her phonebook immediately. Now it was just her and Patrick in the house, wedded and happy. He gave her a concerned look, “Do you care that they got in?”

“Not really,” She shrugged one of her shoulders, “I’ve found that I care less and less about that.”

“I agree.”

She smiled at him, “Maybe I should address all the questions….. Later.”

Patrick snorted, long and hard, “That’s not going to do anything and you know it. They’re going to start making assumptions and shit. You’ll need to address it.”

Allison nodded, “I’ll ask them about it. But they might not want to go public again. It’s been a long time.”

“Yea,” Patrick gently picked himself up off the couch, “Do you want dinner?”

Allison laughed, following him over to the kitchen, “You suck at cooking and you know it.”

“Not any worse than you are.”

* * *

Five was standing in the foyer, staring at the most ugly picture of himself that he had ever seen. The picture’s eyes seemed to follow him, even as he moved around the room, unnerving him to the point of wanting to rip it off the wall and grind it underneath his heel. It was predictable that Reginald would put something up to ‘honor’ his son but this felt so much worse than anything at the Commission, where they’d put him up on a pedestal and flaunted him around like a pipe hanging from the Handler’s mouth.

He hated that and he hated this.

Then he remembered that his joints are a lot better than they normally were, even if he is smaller. Five pulled his power through his stomach and jumped onto the small ledge underneath the photo. Gently, he pried the picture off the wall and prepared to throw it down onto the couch, when he spotted his new puppy looking up at him.

“Don’t judge me, Mr Pennycrumb,” He told the puppy’s dumb face and Pennycrumb yipped at him, waving his tail back and forth in excitement as Five threw down the picture, making a clattering noise.

He then teleported down to the floor, Pennycrumb sniffing his shoes in a burst of energy. Five scuffed up Mr Pennycrumb’s fur before snatching a lighter and heading off towards the courtyard.

He must have attracted some attention with his odd parade because after he walked past the kitchen, Klaus joined his band of merry arsonists, quickly followed by Ben. They stood in an odd semi-circle in the courtyard, right underneath Ben’s statue and Five set his own face ablaze.

Klaus let out a wild whooping noise, throwing his hands up to the sky as the ‘not-Five’ burned to a crisp. Ben watched with a look of contemplation on his face before asking, “Do you think we could get Luther out here to like- I don’t know- punch my statue in the crotch or something?”

“Hell yes we could,” Klaus said, stamping his foot on the painting’s ashes, then placing his cigarette in the ashes of the photo, “If only everyone else was here to witness our triumph over evil depictions of ourselves.” 

“We could always tell them we did it later,” Five said, rubbing his arms, “It’d be nice family bonding.”

“When did you get concerned about family bonding?” asked Klaus, genuinely curious at the normally aloof Five’s comment.

“I find watching this therapeutic,” Five said with a hand wave towards the smoldering ashes, “I’m sure they would too.”

“Yea, that photo of you always creeped me out,” Klaus said, “It looked..” He paused, trying to find the words.

“Not like you,” Ben finished for him, meeting Five’s arched eyebrow.

“It looks like an asshole version of me,” agreed Five finally, picking up Mr Pennycrumb thoughtfully, “Well, more of an asshole than normal.”

Ben snickered as Klaus burst into laughter, leaning over in hysterics. “You’re funny when you aren’t being a dick, Fivey.” 

Five’s face hurt from smiling and he didn’t even correct Klaus on the nickname, instead shaking his head with apprehension, “Thanks Klaus.”

“No problem, man,” Klaus looked up at the sky thoughtfully, “Actually I need your help solving a debate Ben and I have had for years. Are waffles an everyday breakfast food or special occasion food?”

Five’s eyes grow as big as saucers as he looked at Klaus and Ben’s expectant faces, eventually whispering, “I haven't had waffles in almost forty years.”

That caused an immediate uproar of Klaus and Ben, that ended in Klaus dragging Five out of the courtyard screaming about getting him waffles.

“LUTHER GET YOUR MONKEY ASS OUT HERE, WE’RE GETTING WAFFLES.”

* * *

After debating with herself for a while, Vanya had decided to take a leave of absence from her life, to figure herself out. Now she stood in a small field, her violin gripped in her hand and listened. The small pattering of a rabbit’s feet, the buzzing of insects, the whistle of grass in the wind, Vanya exhaled. 

Raising her bow to meet the strings of the violin, Vanya played. Her eyes closed to listen to the notes flowing from her violin. She could feel her newfound powers pulling from her stomach and out of her instrument.

Feeling oddly liberated, she finished up her song, out of breath and arms straining but a wide grin split her face. She headed out of the field, beginning the long walk home, her violin case thumping against her back. 

Passing down the pawn shop where she had bought the typewriter, Vanya took the time to stare at herself in the reflection of the window. She then left the window behind, trailing her hand down the violin case. Marching up the stairs to her apartment, Vanya fumbled with her keys and opened the door to her lonely apartment.

It was odd, no sound or chaos, happening around her. She supposed it was because she had quickly gotten re-used to the sounds of her siblings in the week they had spent together. She almost missed it. Almost being the key word. 

After staring at her feet for a bit, Vanya remembered that she could just go talk to one of her siblings whenever she wanted and rushed over to her phone to make a call, clicking on her answering machine.

“You have  _ one  _ unanswered message.” The machine beeped out, Vanya tapped the ‘listen’ button.

_ “Hey sis, It’s Allison. I just wanted to let you know that several news channels have contacted me, wanting to interview the Umbrella Academy. I wanted to ask you if you were comfortable doing an interview with the whole Academy. I’ll be waiting to hear from you soon. I love you” _

Vanya’s breath caught on the last sentence and her eyes filled with happy tears. Sniffling she wiped her nose and began to type in Allison’s number, that she had memorized by heart by now.

* * *

**Excerpts from Article: The Umbrella Academy: Eleven Years Later by the runner of a small scale blog, Andrew Hollingway.**

_ I actually sat in the room where the interview would take place, before it began. Before the seven seats before me were filled with the people I had admired as a child and before I actually met the real Umbrella Academy. Eventually they all filed in and I found myself staring my childhood heroes in the face. All of them. Even the presumably dead Five Hargreeves and the actually dead, Ben Hargreeves. _

_ ~ _

_ One of the first questions that I asked them was “What have you been doing all these years?” Each member gave their own story and I found myself fascinated by each tale that they told, each growing wilder and wilder as I went down the line. When asked, Luther (Spaceboy), explained to me that, “he had been working with his father” to “stop violent crime as the last member still active.” What I found odd about his story was not the content of it but rather the reaction of the others. There were sad glances and regretful ones as well. _

_ ~ _

_ Talking to Diego (The Kraken) was intimidating to say the least, because of his short answers and gruff demeanor. He told me that he was “working as a local policeman-in-training,” and refused to elaborate on the state of his policeman training. When I tried to ask Allison (The Rumor), she told me that “most people already know what I’m doing.” _

_ ~ _

_ I believe I freaked out when talking to Klaus (The Seance) because he was my favorite as a kid, due to approachability. He told me that he’d really been “ just doing this or that,” and “drifting through life.” When I asked him if he would like to extend on that, he explained that “he was trying to move on from that, so not really.” I respected that and moved on. _

_ ~ _

_ My questions towards Number Five (The Boy) were a bit different than the others. I asked him why he was still thirteen and he responded, “Time travel doesn’t like me.” When I questioned him further, he told me that he’d “accidentally time traveled as a kid and that’s where [he] went.” Being curious, I’d asked him where (when?) he went and he explained that “that was personal.” _

_ ~ _

_ Everyone that I talked to wanted to know more about Ben (The Horror), so when I approached him I tried to get their questions answered. I asked him how death was and his response was that, “it’s not as bad and simultaneously the worst thing ever.” He refused to expand on this comment but there was a meaningful look at Klaus when he said that, so I decided to not intrude. _

_ ~ _

_ Vanya Hargreeves was last on my list and surprisingly, the one I wanted to talk to the most. The first topic I asked about was of course, her tell-all book “Extra-Ordinary.” She said that, “[she] was in a tough place at the time of this book being written and it felt like the only thing she could do to get her voice heard.” I questioned her further but she seemed apprehensive to continue so I dropped the topic. _

* * *

“I think that went well,” Klaus said, leading the way out of the small room that they had been interviewed in, “Except for you, Diego, you were being an ass.”

“He’s always hated talking to interviewers,” Allison chided Klaus, “It’s just a Diego thing.”

“They’re too nosy,” scoffed Diego, “I don’t like them poking around my life.”

“What life?” Five answered, jogging a bit so his smaller body could keep up, ignoring Diego’s angry sputter.

“I have friends!” He said to a highly amused Five, “I never said you didn’t Diego.”

“So,” Luther interrupted before Diego and Five could attack each other, “What now?”

“Whatever do you mean?” asked Klaus, “We’ve pretty much done it all at this point.”

“I still have to stop the apocalypse,” Five said with a shrug, “That’s a small detail.”

“Right.”

Vanya finally entered the conversation, “Well, we have a while, don’t we Five?”

“About eight years to figure it out, yea,” He answered, “And I have some clues as to who caused it, but I’m not sure it’s enough.”

“That’s what we should focus on then,” Luther said, seriously, “We can’t let the apocalypse happen again. We’ll stop it this time.”

Five muttered something inaudible, making Ben snort with laughter. Diego rolled his eyes. 

Allison grinned at the others, “Well, we should get started then. Five do you have any ideas?”

“As a matter of fact,” Five replied thoughtfully, “I do have one. But it’s damn near impossible.”

“Sounds fun!” Klaus said, eyeing a skirt in a window, “Let’s do a family trip to Five’s doom place!”

They all let out small groans, even Five, with Diego adding, “Can we do that after a nap?”

“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit as of 8/30: There is now a sequel to this story in the works!
> 
> It will begin to be posted soon, and it will be about how they took down the Commission and Leonard.
> 
> Keep an eye out!


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